Wedding date already an issue!

So, had a really exciting day yesterday looking at venues. Saw 3 and really liked the last one so we’ve got a date on hold and need to confirm in the next 7 days. It’s a Thursday next May, if we went for a Friday it was £1250 more! Told a few close friends and family and all but my mum and sister are really happy and no issues. They have put a downer on it saying would be difficult for people that work. It’s a year and 3 months away so plenty of notice for taking time off work?!
My fiancée has two daughters at school and he’s in the process of getting permission from their school for the two days off and hoping my sister can do the same for my nephew. Is that an unreasonable ask? Also think half term is the week after and from what I’ve heard they don’t do much in the last day or so leading up to holidays?! 
Bit upset at their attitude to the day we have picked! 
Anyone had similar thing to a weekday date?? 

Posts

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,938 New bride
    You'll never find a day that suits everyone, so don't worry! We are having a weekend wedding but lots of our guests are chefs, and several work in shops or the NHS etc. Loads and loads of people don't work Mon-Fri 9-5 these days!
    As long as the schools are OKI can't see an issue, though if any of your guests are teachers they may not be able to attend.
  • It’s your wedding, so go with whatever suits you best. I would however be prepared for it to be more tricky for some, and people have the right to decline. For me, it’s not just about being able to get the time off, but using up holiday when I don’t get that much for the year. Before you know it you’re spending most of your holiday on other people’s hens and weddings if it’s a busy wedding year before you’ve even had a chance to think about other holiday for yourself. That being said though I would make sure to secure it for a close friend’s wedding. It’s a fact that mid-week weddings just are trickier, but hopefully with enough notice people will be fine. As MrsCToBee mentioned too it’s true that less people work a 9-5 these days too! I would just talk to whoever is vital for your wedding and check there are no problems now - then you don’t have to worry about others who may or may not be able to make it. 
  • We're having a mid week wedding for the same reason! Friday-sunday would have literally doubled the price for us! More than a year away is LOADS of time for people to book holidays in - whenever anyone tried to say it's unfair to ask people to book holidays I just said if we're not close enough for them to be willing to book a couple days off for us then we're not close enough for me to want them at the wedding anyway! And now I've sent out save the dates no one's complained at all.

    Not sure how it would work for kids/schools as we're having a child free wedding anyway, but id say don't let people bully you in to changing the date (unless, of course, they'd be willing to cover the extra £1250? No? Didn't think so haha)
    Remember, when stressed, simply channel your inner Bridechilla: Take a sand bath, munch some veggies, then chew on a wooden stick... wait... no... that's a Chinchilla... 

    My planning thread
  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    edited February 2019
    Rin Night said:
    We're having a mid week wedding for the same reason! Friday-sunday would have literally doubled the price for us! More than a year away is LOADS of time for people to book holidays in - whenever anyone tried to say it's unfair to ask people to book holidays I just said if we're not close enough for them to be willing to book a couple days off for us then we're not close enough for me to want them at the wedding anyway! And now I've sent out save the dates no one's complained at all.

    Not sure how it would work for kids/schools as we're having a child free wedding anyway, but id say don't let people bully you in to changing the date (unless, of course, they'd be willing to cover the extra £1250? No? Didn't think so haha)
    I’m not entirely on board with the “if they’re not prepared to book time off work they’re not close enough to be there” argument. Lots of people work hard to take the time off for all the weddings they’re  invited to if necessary, but can’t put it above their own time or family time for it. If all the weddings we were invited to were weekday it would leave little time for anything else along with the hens, stags etc. Let alone the fact that some people just can’t be away from work at a certain time of year etc. It’s always a tricky balance and just because people struggle sometimes to make it work logistically doesn’t mean they’re less deserving of being there. There’s a lot more than that that goes into the mix with consideration to time off and weekday weddings. I do agree though that for really close friends too usually you find a way to make it work. Hopefully OP will find that everyone can make it though! 
  • I think if it works for you then go for it, but be prepared that it will be making it more difficult/impossible for some people to attend. I’m with MrsTracey on this, I don’t think it’s a case of ‘if they’re close enough they’ll take the time off and come and if they don’t they didn’t care enough’. People have all sorts going on in their lives, and all sorts of things their precious annual leave can be earmarked for. Maybe they have a dream holiday planned that year, maybe they need time for home improvements, maybe they have sick relatives to visit or childcare to balance and juggle. So,e people can’t take any time off at particular times of the year, some are still in their probationary period and haven’t accrued enough annual leave, some may have life events of their own they’re trying to plan for. People who work zero hours contracts or work for themselves are effectively being asked to lose at least one day’s pay. I’m a teacher so can’t have time off in term time full stop. So as long as you can accept that you may not have everyone you invite there, and are not going to be too upset about that then of course go for the day that works for you. 

    Taking the children out of school would very much depend on the individual school. But the ‘they don’t do much the day before they break up’ is a bit of a myth really - might just be the case on the last day before Christmas or the summer break but not for half term, and particularly for children in SATS/exam years. Losing a few days’ learning is a big deal - that’s how schools have to look at it and they are very much pressured to act accordingly, we may argue that a child would gain more from being part of an important family event but it’s not guaranteed the school will see it that way and authorise the absence (I’ve known it go both ways). 
  • I have a Thursday wedding coming up in May, and also work full time with minimal annual leave. Whilst I wouldn't dream of not going I will be going into work on the Friday therefore will have to leave at a reasonable hour, just something to consider really, that people might have to leave early.
  • I think guests understand that it's substantially cheaper for the couple and make every effort they can to attend, but I also think there may be things you can do to make it easy for people.

    I guess it depends where it is, compared to where you and most of your guests live, but personally if I was going for a mid week wedding I'd prefer it to be reasonably close to where I live or work, and start in the afternoon (2pm, 3pm ish) so I could work a half day first and then head to the wedding. I'd also prefer it to be close enough to transport links so I could get in to work the next day (even if it wan't quite for 9am!). I'd also be a lot more moderate than I would at a weekend wedding, and likely go to bed earlier. But a well-planned day could still work really well!

    There will always be people who can't get the time off work, can't/won't take their children out of school for the day, or would struggle to make arrangements for their children, so I guess you have to be prepared for the uptake to be slightly lower than for a weekend wedding. But if all the really important people have already said they'll make it, then go for it.
  • Pisces91Pisces91 Posts: 178 New bride
    edited February 2019
    We're having a Thursday wedding but, as we're both teachers, it's in the summer holidays so kids aren't an issue. Many of our guests are also other teachers and many are retired. 

    Some will have to take time off work but, unfortunately, that's just how it is. A weekend wedding was completely unaffordable for us. Nobody's complained so far. With over a year's notice, I think many will just try to swap shifts with people rather than using up their holiday.

    I can appreciate it from both sides and there will be people who can't attend, which is a shame, but those closest to us can.

    Edit: Nobody's complained to our faces. One uncle did and has said to others he won't be coming... However, given that he always gets drunk and starts fights, that's not a loss! 
  • I don't think its unreasonable but especially with a term time weekday wedding you may have to accept some people just aren't going to be able to attend, no matter how much they may want to. I really dislike the ethos "if they care enough they'll be there" because for some people, short of pulling a sickie and risking disciplinary action it just cant happen. My FH is a teacher and he cant just take days off, even if he deems it as a hugely important event, that doesn't mean his school will allow and authorise it. 

    I do think with weekday weddings its important to get save the dates or invites out sooner though, just to make sure people can make any necessary arrangements. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,938 New bride
    edited February 2019

    Totally agree with hating the "if they care enough, they'll be there" sentiment - it's just not true. I care hugely about some friends and family but have had to miss events because of diary clashes, work, sick children, money issues, car issues, poor health, you name it.

    I also have relatives who cannot request or book holiday whatsoever until that year's calendar opens then it's a free for all, so n omatter how much notice you give them, sometimes they just can't have a certain day off.

    My colleague and her husband have no help available with childcare so they carve the school holidays up between them, leaving them one week to all have off together. She literally has no holiday days free to just use randomly, ever.

  • Thanks ladies for your comments. We have spoken to a few close friends and family and so far no other problems, just my sister which is what hurt more. I understand it may be more difficult for some but I’ve been told numerous times that whatever day we do it someone won’t be able to make or need to go home early. I’m worrying a lot about everyone else and just want our guests to have a good time. 
    The amount I posted originally for the difference of Thursday to a Friday was just venue hire not it all as a package, it’s really about £5000 jump and we just can’t do it. So Thursday it is. 
  • I’m sure I’m sure you’ll have an amazing wedding! It sounds like you’re aware that some may decline or have to leave early etc so go for it on the Thursday - as long as you’re wise to those things and understanding of people’s situations. The only other thing I suppose would be to consider a Sunday. We had a Sunday wedding and although some people did leave early to go back to work Monday, most people could stay and didn’t have to take a day off work. That is of course assuming that your Sunday price isn’t huge for your venue too - ours was on a par with weekdays cost wise.
  • laura862008laura862008 Posts: 8 New bride
    edited February 2019
    I’d say have a fantastic wedding it’s your day after all but be prepared for some people not to be able to come and be okay with that. I personally wouldn’t attend a week day wedding Even if I really wanted to be there unless it was immediate family and even then might only be an evening as I work in a school and it takes the mick really to take days off when we get a lot of holidays booked plus my children would both be in school. For that reason I’m paying the extra to have a weekend wedding in the summer holidays as most of my nearest and nearest are teachers or have kids in school however we’re having a less expensive venue to make up the difference it really depends on who your inviting! If your crowd have normal 9-5 then hopefully one day off might be okay 🤞🏼Xxx
  • Our wedding is on a Wednesday and most people have been fine about it so far. If we got married on a weekend it would have put a substantial dent in our savings for mortgage deposit and I just couldn’t bring myself to do that!! My cousin got married on a Thursday and it was a fab day with all of the loved ones and friends there. I think if people have plenty of notice, which it sounds like you have, then they really will try to be there, I know that’s how I look at it when I’m invited to a wedding on a weekday. As others have said however there is potential for a few to not be able to attend due to work but That has to be expected on a work day :) you’ll have a gorgeous day no matter what 
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