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Am i being unreasonable? Or is she bridezilla! :(

queen_katie6queen_katie6 Posts: 3 New bride
edited March 2019 in Emotional support


  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride
    Sad as it is that you have lost your grandad, I don't really see why that translates to you changing pre-agreed plans at the last minute for the hen do. It's only a couple of nights and you have your sister for support. If you didn't want to share a room with others, the correct time to bring that up would have been before it was all booked to be honest. You won't really be 'on the hen' if you are staying somewhere else.

    Many people aren't that close to their grandparents so the bride may just not understand your level of grief. I doubt she is being unkind, she probably just doesn't understand why it is affecting you so deeply.
    I was very close to my gran and with her when she died unexpectedly, while it's sad you can't let it take over your life - maybe try to access some counselling if you are finding it hard to cope with.

  • I agree with @MrsCToBee.  Not everyone is that close to their grandparents and many people probably cannot relate. I'm sure she isn't trying to be rude: her wedding probably is the most significant thing to happen in her life and she's OTT excited about it, and just can't relate to what you're going through. 
    I'm guessing you knew of the plans a long time ago and knew that you were going to be staying in a hostel in close quarters with other ladies. If that wasn't appealing then, it would have been better to speak up then and not 2 days before. I'm guessing your recent loss isn't related to your like/dislike of staying with strangers.  (I can't stand it either, but would def not sign on for something like this.)  Wouldn't the bride and the rest of the hens have to cover the remaining costs as well if you opt to stay elsewhere? 
    I think if I was deep in grieving, a hen party would be the last thing I would want to attend, regardless of the locale or the accommodations. You don't want to put a damper on the bride's good time or that of anyone else, and if you are feeling that low, let's be will.  Maybe paying the rest of any costs due and just cancelling would be best. I'm not saying this in any way to be mean; it just might be best for all involved. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride
    I sort of agree with Kitty, a bridesmaid you should really try to attend unless you absolutely can't face it. Because to be honest, if my bridesmaid said she couldn't come on my hen because her grandad passed away 3 months ago, I would think that was a bit over the top. My best friend's dad died unexpectedly 6 months before her wedding last year and she still went ahead with all her plans, hen dos etc. 
  • queen_katie6queen_katie6 Posts: 3 New bride
    edited March 2019
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride
    edited March 2019
    Yes, I have. More than once.
    But that's by the by. Don't ask for opinions on public forums if you don't want them. If you just want people to agree with you, don't ask the internet. I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm saying if you are struggling to cope, seek counselling.
  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 516 New bride
    I have to say that I have a different opinion to the ladies that have posted.

    If I was the bride and one of my bridesmaid had suffered in the way you have, as a friend I would want to help. If you feel you are still up to going on the hen, but you don't want to stay with people you don't know, then that's fine, as long as the costs of the original room are still met by you.

    I was extremely close to my Grandad, who passed away 4 years ago, and it did affect me deeply. So I understand a little of how your feeling. 

    Personally, I can see why you are feeling hurt and I do think the bride is being a little unreasonable. Perhaps think about whether you really feel up to going? 
  • Hi Katie, I’m sorry for your loss and I don’t think you are being OTT. I think what the other posters are trying to say is that your grief and your desire to stay in a hotel are perhaps separate issues? Assuming you have paid towards the hostel already, I see no reason why you can’t get a hotel room in addition to this if it doesn’t cost the other hens anything. I can understand the bride seeing this as a hassle but I can also understand the desire for your own space when dealing with feelings of grief. Approach the topic again in a more matter of fact manner and don’t expect any sympathy. As harsh as it sounds you’re not the brides priority, so her enjoying her hen do is not resting solely on what room you sleep in.

  • First off, you came here for people's opinions. Full stop. You can't then get mad when it's not the outcome you expected. And let's face it, you're asking a bunch of brides i.e. people who can very much see where your friend is coming from.

    Let's take all of this grandad business out of the equation here because it seems like a bit of an excuse for your actions. If you knew you didn't like the idea of staying with the strangers, the correct time to have brought it up would've been when the plans were first made... not two days before the hen do. From a bride to be's point of view, I can understand why your friend is feeling stressed out by this. Especially if it's not been paid for because then it's potentially going to fall on everyone else to cover your share all because *you* made the decision (super last minute) to stay somewhere else.

    Even if you have already covered your share, staying somewhere else kinda distracts from the hen do itself and you won't feel as involved and will probably end up feeling worse than you already do. At least you'd have your sister in the same room so it wouldn't just be you and people you don't know. 

    You have three options here really:

    1. Suck it up and stick to the original plan you signed up for.
    2. Pay your share for the hostel and book yourself a hotel but be prepared to feel not as involved.
    3. If you really feel you can't be there for your friend, pay what you owe and don't go. 

    I'm not saying she's been the best friend during what has clearly been a difficult time for you but that doesn't give you licence to be a crappy friend too.

    And for what it's worth, I'm very sorry for your loss. I was really close to my grandad too and devastated when he passed but life moves on and I know he wouldn't have wanted me wallowing in misery. 
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