Am I being ridiculous?
So I’m worried I’m just being ridiculous, but I also feel incredibly angry and upset at one of my best friends, and really just want to get some outside perspective!
Essentially a year and a half ago my beautiful fiancée proposed to me – it was perfect! We set the date almost immediately for May this year and asked my 3 closest friends to be my bridesmaids. All fine. A few months later, one of those bridesmaids, let’s call her ‘P’ proposes to her then boyfriend. Also not a problem of course, really happy for her.
P and her fiancé decide they want a quick wedding, and book it for the first weekend of June, this year… and then didn’t invite me, my partner, or our other 2 closest friends. P justified it by saying that it was a small wedding, just for family, no bridesmaids etc. And at the time we all understood, absolutely fair enough. We still threw her a little hen party afternoon tea, clubbed together to buy her a wedding present, and wished her well.
The problems began when the photos from her wedding appeared. Turned out she did have bridesmaids, and had invited other friends from university – just not us. We tried not to take it personally, but the 3 of us felt quite hurt that we hadn’t at least been invited to the ceremony given that it was clearly not the ‘family only’ wedding she had sold to us.
We didn’t confront her, decided to ignore it. Especially because my wedding was next and I was starting to ramp up the planning.
However, that’s when it’s gotten weird. P suddenly announced that because she didn’t get to have her dream wedding last year (even though she decided she wanted a small one), she wants to throw a proper wedding reception this year, on their first anniversary.
The problem is…. That’s a week after my wedding!!!!!
At that point I did say something, as my partner and I will be on our honeymoon that weekend. She then got quite cross and said that since the hotel wasn’t booked yet, we should change our flights. I refused, as the honeymoon is a present from my dad, we want to go on it straight away – and besides, we picked our date first.. even if she got married first. She eventually moved it to the weekend we get back from our honeymoon.. but wasn’t happy about it.
Then this weekend we all met up to buy my wedding make up together as a fun day out. It’s the first proper bridesmaid thing I’ve asked them all to do and was really excited. P immediately made it all about her and was talking about the ‘stress’ of planning her wedding considering it was ‘only 3 months away!’ while I was sitting there awkwardly thinking, ‘yes, and mine is 2!’.
She then made it worse by saying that she wanted us to be bridesmaids, but couldn’t afford to buy our dresses, so gave us a colour scheme and told us to pick something. Annoying because all my money is going on my wedding, I wasn’t really intending on having to buy a new dress. Especially as there won’t be a ceremony to speak of, just a party… so I can’t think why she needs us all in matching dresses.
But then she really bugged me by saying that we can get her either a gift, or bring food to the event.
Ummm… as I recall, we got her a beautiful gift last year when she actually got married, for a wedding we weren’t even invited to!
I really worry I’m being a complete spoiled child because I’m not having the attention on me – but it’s more than that. I feel she has no regard for my day at all – and it’s just making me a little upset that someone who I thought was a really good friend just doesn’t seem to care! Am I being unreasonable?