MIL drama

Hi all! I’m not really after advice, more confirmation that I’m not being unreasonable 🙈 Fiancé and I have been engaged just over a year and my future MIL didn’t show much interest in the wedding and to be honest, this was fine with me as she can be a bit opinionated and We’ve got very different tastes.

well, January hits and the wedding is now this year and she’s suddenly gone MILzilla on us and it’s really stressing me out.  We decided early one we were having fake flowers or at least arranging them ourselves to keep costs down.  She said she knew a friend who would do our flowers for us and would get a quote.  We said fine, go ahead but gave her our budget and advised it probably wouldn’t be enough for real flowers.  

She then gave us a list of people she wanted to invite to the evening party which is £20pp and she had a list as long as my arms so we had to say ‘sorry but we don’t have that in the budget for x amount of people that neither of us know.’  Well.  The storm unleashed from then.  (I must add she had said she was giving us money towards our honeymoon as a wedding gift).  She said how unfair it was that she isn’t allowed to invite her friends to the evening when the money she is giving is will cover them! (Uh, hello? Honeymoon and it’s a present) she kept going on and on until my fiancé wanted to leave.  We are not accepting any money from her going forward. 

the same thing happened on my birthday when she came over for dinner and ended up in my fiancé and her having a row, luckily she waited until my parents had left before bringing all of this up.

The next week she called me to try and get me to agree to all her friends coming behind my fiancé’s back and was really pushy, I think she thought I’d agree to it as I’m a bit of a pushover.  She then called my fiancé and started it all over again about how it’s not fair that her friends aren’t invited (none of our parents have friends coming that we’ve never met) and then she told him she’d spoken to me and offered to pay for our flowers! Which she absolutely did not do, the flowers never even came up in the phone call.  

It’s got to the point I hate speaking about the wedding in front of her as she seems to be using it as a chance to show off to her friends,  and the fact she outright lied to my fiancé about what we’d spoken about has just made it awkward! Am I being totally unreasonable in being annoyed? 

It might seem seem like nothing, but it bothers me that she only wants to know about the wedding when it comes to who she can invite or in any way it affects her.


  • I had something very similar with mine but thankfully she's at the other end of the country so I can just screen her texts if I really want :wink:

    Just put her on an information diet. Don't tell her anything and if she explicitly asks or demands anything just say "We'll take that into consideration" or "We'll think about it" and then do exactly what you want and don't think about what she says. :) 

    I think you're making a good decision not taking any money from them. We've done the same and won't take anything from them other than a honeymoon contribution as a wedding gift. Although we have conceded that if she/they offer again, we'll direct them to something specific they can pay off on our behalf so they know exactly where their money has gone and that it doesn't have any perks with it, other than our thanks.
  • MrsOD19MrsOD19 Posts: 586 New bride
    @MrsRendall2B an information diet sounds a great idea! I think it’s all just come at once and I felt a bit blindsided by it all.  I just didn’t like the fact she lied to fiancé about what we spoke about, I mean he believed me as he knows what she’s like but I was like ‘HOW DARE SHE.’ 

    I think I’ll do what you say and just nod and smile and then take it no further, I just felt I’ve been going mad 😔
  • I completely agree with  @MrsRendall2B - just be SO blunt and black and white with it. if she asks or brings up ANYTHING just say "weve already got that sorted now" "i will keep that in mind" ect, even if you havent even started looking into it she just doesnt need to know. She sounds like she needs a hobby that isnt being a busybody!
  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride
    Is your FMIL my FMIL? Ha! 

    Information diet is the way to go. Also make sure FH is on board. We've had a few am-dram moments from her (over various things, her friends new girlfriend not getting an invite, our honeymoon registry not being "proper" and her getting it into her head that there won't be a drink on arrival for evening guests (there will be..)) and in the end he's turned round and told her the discussion is over, we understand her opinion but we've made our choice. 

    Weddings do crazy things to people. Mine is also incredibly bored having just retired and so her current occupation is drama lama. 
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • MrsOD19MrsOD19 Posts: 586 New bride
    Hahahaha they really do don’t they.  FH is 100% on board, I think the debacle on my birthday tipped him over the edge! 

    I havent really discussed other things with her as she hasn’t shown an interest before jan/feb time when she got wind she doesn’t have her own guestlist but you’re right in that an information diet is the way to go!!

    its a relief im not the only one 😂
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