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Loss of loved one before wedding

Looking for some advice.

I’m getting married in November this year, and it’s been in the planned for over two years now. However, recently my Nan passed away and I just can’t imagine celebrating my day without her. She was like a second mum to me and has left me devastated. She talked so much about it and was really looking forward to it, and now I almost feel guilty going ahead without her. I’ve still things to sort and stuff to organise but I have no motivation to do anything. 

Just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar or just has any general advice on how to move forward and look forward to my wedding again x

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  • I know how you feel. It's almost like 'Well if they can't be there, it just won't be the same'. It's a hard feeling to get over because like you said, it brings up all kinds of feelings... guilt, upset, anger, resentment - the whole shabang.

    What you need to remember is that your nan would've wanted you to go on with the show, she would've wanted to you keep planning and enjoy yourselves. I know that's easier said than done but it's a thought that's been keeping us going recently.  That and the thought that our lost loved ones will be there in spirit and looking out for us.

    You could do something nice to commemorate your nan at the wedding? We're having the picture below and a vase on the registrar table. One of the ushers will be stood at the end of the aisle with a tray of white roses that people can take and place in the vase in remembrance of those who can't be with us. H2B and I will definitely be placing one in. 



    Love and hugs to you at this difficult time xxx
  • MrsPope2018MrsPope2018 Posts: 1,375 New bride
    Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss 💔
    My Grandad passed away very suddenly 2 weeks before our wedding and his funeral was literally the week before. Like you I felt so so guilty going ahead with the wedding, but after speaking to family members they all said that he would absolutely not want me cancelling the day and would want us to have an amazing wedding day. I was most worried about my nan having to be at the wedding knowing he should have been there and although it was a very bitter sweet day, she did really enjoy herself and was so glad she came.

    I dont know if you are planning on doing something to remember your nan by on the day, we had a memory table and had pictures of all of our lost loved ones, we put my grandads name card next to his (the table plan etc had all been done when he died, another thing I felt awful about) and we managed to get his button hole from the florist early and the funeral home pinned it to his suit so he was wearing it when he was buried. 

    Anyway sorry thats not much help just rambling,  but although it doesn't seem like it at the moment you will enjoy your wedding day, it will be a bitter sweet day and you won't forget about your nan but I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be miserable on your special day. Take care of yourself over the next few weeks/months. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride
    My best friend's dad died very suddenly 6 months before her wedding last year. She was obviously devastated (and still is) but found lots of ways to include him in the day - she had some of his funeral flowers dried and put in her bouquet, along with a bouquet charm with his picture on. Before the church wedding started her fiance said a few words about her dad and her family all lit a candle for him. He was mentioned a lot in the speeches, and her mum found his partially written speech so her brother added to it and read it out. She obviously had  a bit of a break in wedding planning but it all came together and they had a lovely day.

    I was exceptionally close to my grandma, I actually lived with her for many years, and she died 6 years ago this month. I still miss her all the time, especially at big events (I feel such sadness that my son will never meet her, she would have adored him), but you learn to live with it and it gets easier. I have some of her jewellery which is lovely, but one way I remember her & find comforting is that I have a lot of her old kitchen equipment (we both love cooking) and when I'm using her cheese grater, or serving spoons, or oven gloves it makes me reminisce about all the hours we spent together in the kitchen, and I love that.

    I'm sure your Nan would want you to go ahead and have an amazing day, and what a way to celebrate her memory than all her family having a wonderful day together?
  • I'm so sorry for your loss, I completely understand how gutting it can be as we recently lost my nan too. 

    She was diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer in April last year, and she passed away within six months of the diagnosis, in November, ten months before our wedding. I have struggled with the thought of not having her there on the day too, especially as were planning to ask her and my grandad to be our witnesses.

    I took a few weeks out of wedding planning, I couldn't get my head around doing it without her so I do understand how you feel, but I did get the motivation back after a month or so - she wouldn't have wanted us to cancel the day or not have a good time on her behalf, especially as she was usually the life of the party herself. As one of my friends said, she was here for a good time, not a long time, and she wouldn't want anyone to miss out on the fun!

    We're planning a couple of things to honour her memory but we didn't want to do anything that would be 'morbid' in her eyes, like an empty seat at the ceremony or anything like that, she'd have ripped us for that(!) - so we're having a little memorial table with a list of those who can't be with us (fiance's grandad and his other grandparents have also passed away, but much longer ago), some pictures and a candle, and I am planning to have a little toast to her in my speech. We're also still going to ask my grandad to be one of our witnesses, and I'm trying to figure how to include some of her jewellery in my bouquet if I can, so a piece of her is with me on the day. My fiance suggested wearing some earrings she gave me last year, which I wore to her funeral, so I might do that.

    It's very, very hard and it's terribly sad, but I'm sure she would want you to still enjoy the process and make lovely memories along the way, including on the day. I would recommend just stepping back for a few weeks and taking time to take care of yourself before jumping back in - you still have time, you can have a breather to take care of yourself. Just continue when you're ready, and you can include her in the day however feels right for you. Is there some of her jewellery you can wear, or a piece of her wedding dress you could have sewn into yours, something like that?

    As @MrsCToBee says, what better way to honour her memory than celebrating all together as a family? She will be there with you in spirit and I'm sure you will feel her love with you on your wedding day.
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