I need some help on what to do.

Hello fellow brides to be.

sorry it’s a bit of a long one but I feel I really need some advice on what to do.

so my Partner and I got engaged last December and we plan to marry on September the 14th this year. Planning has been going really well and we even managed to dig deep and find the funds for our dream venue. The venue itself only hosts a few weddings a year, so it only had one date available in 2019 which was rare due to a cancellation. Their T&Cs also stated that a 50% deposit was to be taken when signing the contracts and a minimum guest number of 80 people for the day. Something we were surprised by but we were happy to go ahead with as we couldn’t see that being an issue.

Fast forward to April and I have just received a wedding invitation in the post from our friends who got engaged last November. All perfect but their Wedding date is the 14th SEPTEMBER!!!.
Now these friends are not the closest but we see each other at parties and get togethers now and again and get on well. I very, very much highly doubt this is anything deliberate and just a very bad case of bad luck but I just can’t believe it! 
Our friend circle is massive with around 40-50 and the majority are very close to this other couple. 
I have been sitting on this for a week now and we just don’t know what to say or do? 
We have a friend WhatsApp group and so many people (rightfully so) have responded explain how excited they are to attend their wedding and that they “can’t wait etc etc”
Ive told one close friend who suggested that they could split the day or half the friends go to one wedding and the half to the other, but it just wouldn’t feel right and would be unfair.
I could cancel our day and venue but we lose our money and we can’t afford to do this. We also have way more friends than family on both sides so we couldn’t possibly fill the head count. 
To top it off I have booked venue dressing, car, pre-booked the church and a band for the venue. Obviously just deposits but it all adds up.

please help with any suggestion on what we can do? 
hugely  appreciated 


  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,309 New bride
    Have you sent invites out yet? How many would the crossover be? And did either of you do save the dates? 
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • Hello GinandBling. 
    Invites have been designed and were literally going to the printers this week but we needed to double check a time with the church. Luckily I haven’t paid for these already. We didn’t send save the dates as it was relatively close to the time we would send invitations.
    i would say the people we would lose out on the day would be close to 40-45  :neutral:
  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,309 New bride
    If they have sent invites out already I imagine people may have already committed (either formally or mentally) to attending that wedding. It's unfortunate but you need to consider whether you'd be happy to still go ahead with the fewer number of people. And it depends on how many other guests you will have coming. 

    Bare in mind that invites don't guarantee these people will come regardless. Are you close to the other couple? And would you hosting a wedding the same weekend end the friendship? 

    In this situation I would probably try and shuffle my date, as annoying as it may be. But that's my personal view.
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,850 New bride
    I would talk to the venue and see if there is any alternative date you could do if this is going to really affect your day.
    I'm a bit confused about how many of these potential lost guests are actually close friends of yours though? Because no one has 50 close friends, surely? What would your numbers be like if some of these people didn't attend?

  • Oh no, what a dilemma.

    You've both chosen a great wedding date though - we're getting married on 14th September too but I assure you I'm not the friend in question!

    Honestly, if it were me, I would probably move my date. Not because they have dibs on it or anything like that, but because I would really want my friends to be there and if I could avoid splitting them or making them choose, I would. 

    Perhaps it would help to think about:
    - what's most important, the venue or the date or the friends you'd like to be there? (no judgment from me on your answer but it would definitely be friends for us)
    - can you afford to lose your deposit? Would the venue just let you move the date to the next available one? I know lots of suppliers will do this with enough notice.
    - can you afford the venue if you don't meet the minimum numbers? if not, you may need to come up with a plan anyway.
  • Speak to the venue I am sure they will move your date! Good luck xx
  • AliceJAliceJ Posts: 18 New bride
    Ahhh what a pain! Definitely speak with your venue and suppliers. As you aren't cancelling and simply shifting the date a week or two it may be OK.
    Also, think if you'd be happy with just close friends, or if it's important to have everyone. Talk to your friends about it, see what they think! It's no one's fault so may help to chat to the other bride or people you'd invite. 
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