Hen do problems

Hi everyone,

I’m getting married in June and my hen do is next weekend. It’s been a nightmare to plan right from the get go as out of the 25 girls I invited only 5 can make it - the rest all said they were busy / too poor / don’t have childcare. Only 2 out of my 6 bridesmaids are coming which just makes me feel so let down and like no one can be bothered to put the effort in. 

I wanted a weekend away in a nice house with a hot rub however as there are so few of us my bridesmaid who’s planing the weekend has said it’s not doable so we’ve just got a day trip to Bath. They chose Bath as it was closest to most the people who can come however it means a 6 hour round trip for me to make on my own as the only other girl going who’s local to me is arriving late and leaving early. 

My other bridesmaid also has a 1 year old and said she can’t leave her with her husband as she’s breastfeeding so has asked if she can come too. Another girl has also pulled out and didn’t pay beforehand so I’ve had to cover her cost (as well as my own) too as don’t want to leave the others out of pocket.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but I just feel no ones willing to put the effort in for my hen do whereas for all my other friends they’ve had really extravagant hen dos costing hundreds each that we’ve all taken annual leave for and spend hundreds on. Made worse as my H2B is going to Ibiza with 15 friends for his! I’ve also spent so much on all my bridesmaids outfits, shoes, make up, jewellery etc and most now aren’t even coming to the hen do. 

Feeling very unloved and frustrated! Thank you for reading xxx


  • You're not the only one! I've been to loads of weddings in the last few years and a lot of brides have had some sort of upset over the hen do, it's why I've decided I don't really want one.

    I think feeling like your friends and family aren't interested is one of the most common reasons that brides get upset. 

    Don't believe everything you see on Instagram! People always make out that they're having the best time ever but it's usually just pretence.

    If it's any consolation I much prefer smaller hen dos; big groups just split up into smaller ones anyway in my experience. My OH feels the same, he's only inviting a few of his best friends to his stag do abroad and then he's having a local one for the rest.

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    I can see both sides here. On the other side of hen dos, they can be really testing. You spend a lot of money to go somewhere with people you don’t always know to do things you wouldn’t necessarily choose to pay to do in any other circumstances. Therefore when people can’t make it work financially or logistically I actually think they should be cut some slack. 

    However, your friend asking to bring her one year old is not ok - how did she think that would even be an option? And your other friend dropping out and not paying isn’t on either, she should be asked to pay her share as otherwise everyone else will end up paying more. 

    Sorry youre having to deal with this, but I would try and look at it in as logistical terms as possible, it’s hard but try and see the practical reasons why people can’t afford certain things or struggle to make things work. Can you invite them to a pre-wedding dinner or tea that you organise at some point, so it feels like you’re spreading out the celebrations? Also, Bath is beautiful! I bet you’ll end up having a really lovely time. Go with an open mind and try and enjoy :) x
  • WelshgirlWelshgirl Posts: 2 New bride
    This is ridiculous. This is why most women hate hen dos! 
  • Natutz14Natutz14 Posts: 106 New bride
    Wow @Welshgirl - really constructive advice! Women do not "hate hen do's" and organising them plus a wedding can be extremely stressful. 
  • So sorry to hear about this, I know it’s not uncommon! A friend of mine only had 1 person turn up to her hen do that wasn’t family, none of her bridesmaids went! 

    Im actually having 2 hen do’s as I didn’t want to do something to please everyone else, I’m having one away with my bridesmaids (so nice and small but away from the local area) and one with all the girls (around 25) local to home and really cheap so everyone can come! 

    I understand hen dos can be stressful, I’m a bridesmaid myself next year and some of the other bridesmaids have been really unhelpful with the planning so far, I know I’ll end up doing most the planning but will be a lovely day for her in the end 😊

    I hope you end up having a really lovely Hen, even if it’s not what you expected, try and enjoy yourself!
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