resolved

smullanas17smullanas17 Posts: 5 New bride
edited June 2019 in Emotional support
resolved.

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  • Your sister in law's comment about the wedding fair is disgusting! If I had been her I'd have been excited to have someone with me that was also planning a wedding so you could share ideas! No-one is as interested in talking weddings as another bride to be! I hate entitled brides that come across as selfish brats.

    His families reaction probably is because they're already well into the planning of hers and there's lots to talk about. 

    Do you think they might have asked you to postpone as they're concerned about finances? Maybe they're feeling that they can't afford to contribute to both in the same year, especially as yours is abroad? If that's the case it'd be better if they were honest about it.

    Do you think that the fact that it's abroad in general is dampening their enthusiasm? We would have loved to just go abroad but neither side of the family were particularly pleased with the idea of it and my elderly nan couldn't have come so we abandoned the idea.

    To be honest, if you're close to them and you don't think they'll take it the wrong way I'd just mention that they don't seem very enthusiastic and ask them if there's a reason for it. 
  • Thank you.

    I think it could be potentially finance related but we are happy to pay for there accomodation, all they need is there flights but even then if its a money issue, we would cover them.  I know they are paying a fortune for the sisters wedding but to me they could at least show an interest or at the bare minimum stop talking about the sisters wedding every time they see me as I get upset given they wont even ask about mine. 

    I have always said it would be abroad as it easier given we have families in different places, if they do not come then I can live with that but I think my H2B would be really disappointed even though he says hes does not mind. If my family weren't so excited then I would be temped to do it just the two of us but it would be nice to share it with them, oh his sister has already said she wont be going. 

    I would like to sit down and talk it over but honestly I think they would take it the wrong way and I would get emotional and say something that would make the situation worse. 
  • I thought it sounded like they were worried about money from putting 2 and 2 together. That's why I suggested talking to them; to discreetly try to find out if it was for that reason. If you've offered to pay for them it's obviously not that, though I suppose they could still be feeling awkward about not being able to contribute.

    I'm sure his parents will come in the end, it is sad that they're not making you feel like they're excited though.

    I don't think you'll stop them talking about his sister's wedding, they're obviously excited about it and probably feel like it's partly their day too, especially if they're paying a lot towards it.

    I think you're probably feeling it more as your family that are excited aren't nearby. Try to focus on your dress appointments with them and look forward to the lovely time you'll have with the ones that do care!
  • Ruth126Ruth126 Posts: 39 New bride
    I think their attitude is a bit unfair especially the sister’s comment - she sounds a bit of a princess - but my husband’s mum (his dad died a few years ago) is far more excited when talking about his sister’s wedding 20 years ago than either his brother’s which was around the same time or my husband’s and mine which was last month. My family meanwhile were very excited about mine yet my parents live 100s of miles away like yours.  
    I think there is something among a daughter getting married that seems to get parents - and possibly siblings - much more involved whether they are paying or not. If you see them a lot it must be hard and also given the sister is getting married at the same time as you - my sister-in-law got married 20 years ago so no comparison there! - but I’d partly see it as an old fashioned view that the wedding is more about the bride and she is the one you can influence etc and become a part of it through so they may see it that way - that they have more of a natural connection with their daughter’s wedding. Plus if she is being a princess and guarded about you sharing her moment in the sun, so to speak, they could be being protective of her. 
    So it’s not great and I’d be hurt but I wouldn’t give too much energy to it - it’s your day and up to them how much they bother and their loss if they don’t. Your own family being on board is more important. Hope they buck their ideas up and maybe it is worth addressing with them subtly if you have that sort of relationship with them x 
  • I agree with the others here, the sister really needs a reality check and to stop being so selfish! To say that she won't even go to the wedding is ridiculous! I will never understand why close family refuse to go to a wedding when finances are clearly not a problem and when there has never been a personal issue before. I'm honestly so sorry that this is happening and I'm glad that you are at least getting support from your family.

    I do agree with the last comment that some people care more about a daughter's wedding rather than a son's wedding (unless it's an only child). I'm going through a similar situation as my in laws don't seem to care at all about our wedding, but when their daughter (my fiance's sister) got married years ago they were heavily involved and paid for everything, it's almost like they've done the wedding thing and are over it now.

    Honestly you just plan your day how you want it, it doesn't matter what the sister or her parents think or want. It's your day and you are not being unreasonable at all! If they don't come or if they kick up a fuss then so be it, you know where you stand with them at that point and you can grow from there. Hopefully they will realise that your wedding is just as important. I do hope this doesn't get you down too much or ruin your wedding planning experience. It sounds like you've got a family and fiance that love you and will be there for you no matter what and that's what's most important :) x
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,954 New bride
    edited May 2019
    Sounds like a financial issue to me. Sister may genuinely not be able to afford your wedding trip on top of her own wedding and honeymoon. 2 weddings in one family in one year will cause a financial strain on your in laws, especially if one is abroad.

    Some people also just get really arsey about close relatives having their weddings close to theirs. I got engaged 3 months after a good friend and they actually asked us not to get married the same year as them as they wanted it to be 'their year'. We thought it a bit silly and entitled but had no intention of getting married the same year as them anyway so smiled and nodded!
  • Thanks everyone, I have been in full blown planning mode and hope to get it booked tomorrow and am really excited!

    The sister not coming is due to financial reasons plus getting time of work and we accept that as if we were in the same situation we would struggle to get the time off plus she will be at the party we will be throwing in Scotland so that is not a problem. The problem is that she seems reluctant to accept that I am getting married next year as well, she did invite me to her hen party abroad but I declined saying I couldn't get the time off but said I will attend her Scottish one so I am trying to keep things civil. Honestly if his parents decide not to come, we will accept it but the whole lack of interest has made me pull back from his family as they never ask or seem excited but I will hold my head high and not cause a row over it. 

    Thank you for the support, I feel less alone now and am going to enjoy planning it with my own family even if most of it is on phones and emails. 
  • I am happy to report that now I have booked the date and the wedding, h2b parents have come completely on board, are looking at villas and have agreed to come. Even his sister has started showing interest in it and is gutted she cant make it.
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