Post wedding blues/disaster

I got married near the start of August this year and it was a lovely day in so many ways. I don't know if I would call it the happiest day of my life but it felt special. 

Since we went on honeymoon right away afterwards and since we've been home though things have felt different. For context we have just bought our first home together as we were living with my parents before hand while we saved etc. 

The run up to the wedding (18 months) was a very hard, emotional one as I lost both my paternal grandparents and my Dad became fully estranged from the family, in essence taking my loss to 3 people. It was up to me to handle one of the estates and plan two funerals.  

I guess the thing is now, the wedding is over and I am glad to be done with planning, things are very slowly starting to settle and become 'normal' not having my grandparents around, we have just moved into a lovely home that we both love and there's nothing strictly 'wrong'. 
I feel like we should be over the moon but we keep fighting and I feel as though I am seeing a different side to my husband that i didn't see as much before. There is a part of me that is longing for the beginning of our relationship again when things felt magical. 

We fight over ridiculous things and he has started raising his voice to me which I've told him I don't like. When we got home from honeymoon and we had an issue picking up our taxi he flew into a rage and flung his suitcase/kicked a bollard around. We started having issues before the wedding and on more than one occasion I wondered if it was the right thing to do, but i kept putting it down to all the stress we had been going through. 

I don't feel the same level of affection towards him anymore and I haven't for a while TBH, I have always wanted lots of physical intimacy and generally I am very affectionate but I feel like the way we have argued and the way he has spoken to me has eaten away at it. Generally I just feel completely blue and depressed and sad. 

I am not sure if what i feel is post wedding blues or what, but i feel very isolated and have no one to really talk to this about. It would be great to hear of other people who experienced maybe similar issues. I want to believe this is just a temporary feeling. 




Posts

  • I don't have any advice but I just want to give you a virtual squeeze. 
    Maybe a hobby outside of the home to fill the planning void could be a shout?

  • kate268kate268 Posts: 82 New bride
    sorry that you are having a tough time. There is definately a period post-wedding where it's natural to feel a bit low, but from your post, I'm not sure it's just that. You say you are isolated, in the very short term I'd take steps to address that and reach out to any friends and family, colleagues, join a club etc as per above poster. I don't think it is normal for your new husband to be angry to the point it's eroding your affection towards him. 
  • BooshBoosh Posts: 30 New bride
    In addition to the above comments it sounds like you haven't had time to properly grieve your losses - likely at the time you 'distracted' yourself with the wedding planning. It's normal to get the post wedding blues I believe but it sounds like you need to let yourself grieve. Big Hugs x

  • you have gone through so much in such a small amount of time, getting married, buying a house, and two huge losses in your family, these are literally the three most stressful things people go through in their lives and they've all happened at once for you, no wonder you are feeling this way, you've had no time to mentally process it all! i know my fiancé and i argue most when we are both really tired and stressed, so if your going through all these things, no wonder you are both arguing, it sounds like everything is very overwhelming. You need to take time to grieve, and come to terms with all the changes that have happened. Try to think positively, look how far you've come, you've achieved so much in such a short amount of time, you should be extremely proud of yourself. Maybe you should both plan a meal out or night away or something, something to look forward to, treat it like a night away from all your problems, a chance for you both to relax and just enjoy each others company. Or do you have a good friend you trust with all this? Arrange some time to spend with them, even if they can't give any advice, sometimes its just good to get it off your chest and feel listened to. i hope you feel better soon, you deserve to be happy! :smile:
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