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Groom seeing the wedding dress before the day

When you read the topic of this post, you're either going to say "NOOOOO!" and faint, or you're going to shrug and say "So?"

My fiance has seen my dress - I wanted him to come with me when I tried several styles on, and yes, he's seen the one I've chosen. Everyone I've spoken to - all my friends and family (all different ages, so it cant be a generation thing) have said "WHAT? He's not meant to see your dress! Oh, what did you let him see it for?" and have sounded really disappointed in me!

I thought it was nice for him to see it - we're very close and share everything anyway, and I would be so frustrated and upset if he hadn't seen my dress. I also wanted his opinion on it - whether he liked it or not, coz if he waited till the day to see it, and didn't like it....?! Too late then!!

He's pleased he's seen my dress, coz he can now look forward to the day and picture me wearing it. We've both decided that we don't want him to see me wearing the full outfit - shoes, dress, jewellery, etc - until the day. (He has seen my shoes and jewellery separately though).

I don't understand what the big deal is about this! - why are people making such a fuss? He is my fiance after all - my best friend and soulmate rolled into one - I like involving him and sharing things with him. People say it's traditional for him not to see the dress - well if we were doing things 'traditionally', then we shouldn't even be living together at the moment while we're not married, that's what I say!! :/)


  • MoominmummyMoominmummy Posts: 1,621
    I agree with you petitebride! I keep trying to show my h2b a picture of the dress I like but he won't look! For most people, this is a wedding rule that must be adhered to, but if you're both happy then s0d everyone else!

  • soniauksoniauk Posts: 140
    Hi petite bride,

    My partner was with me when I bought my dress. And it's a black evening dress. So I'm breaking all the rules! And we're spending the night before the wedding together in the hotel we're getting married in. Good grief!

    I agree with you. I want him to know what's going on and I want his advice about things. And the night before the wedding I will need his calming influence to stop me freaking out! I love all the tradition stuff but it's just not me (or most of it isn't, I sure I'm still falling into some of the traps!) but you have to do what's comfortable for you. I've had some raised eyebrows about some of my choices but everyone important thinks it's fabulous. Pick the traditions that work for you and ditch the rest!

  • amylukamyluk Posts: 714
    rather u lot than me. i point blankly wont let him look in the wedding journal or in my pc cos there's loads of emails and pics from the dressmaker. i'm a firm beliver of old traditons, especially after 1 failed marriage.
  • nicandleenicandlee Posts: 1,743
    I'll stick with him not seeing it cause i'm traditonal aswell, although he doesn't want to see it before the big day!!

  • andynjoandynjo Posts: 13
    my fiance has seeing my dress and seen me try it on cos he bought it for me as i dont have my parents here to help out as they both passed away .. but im not going show him what shoes and jewellery i will have when time comes .. i guess i will be staying at his mum n dads the night before as i have asked my future father in law to give me away so he will do that ..:\)
  • soniauksoniauk Posts: 140
    Amy - I completely respect your decision to stick to traditions, and I think they are wonderful things. But I don't believe that breaking a tradition will result in a marriage failing. If my partner had not wanted to see the dress then I would have respected that and not shown him. We are very open and honest with each other so I knew it was the right thing for us to do. And clearly sometimes it is necessary (hi to Andynjo!). We have enough to worry about with pending weddings without fear of the consequences of breaking a tradition!

    I know that you will be doing the right thing for you and your partner and I understand why you are being cautious Amy. I wish you all the happiness for your future together and I know you'll have a wonderful wedding day.

  • I share everything with my fiancee, and am hopeless at lying to him, and i want him to see my dress so he likes it, but he doesnt want to and I'm too superstious to let him see it once ive bought it. Ive shown him pictures of ones im shortlisting but thats all
  • Not telling my H2B anyhting about my dress, hair, make-up, etc. has been a NIGHTMARE!!! I hate keeping secrets and i hate not sharing things with him!!! (also, being the annoying person that i am i find it EXTREMELY hard!!!)

    But........... this is somehting we both REALLY wanna do. I can not wait to see his face as i walk up the aisle and he turns around and sees me. Can't wait!!!

  • Some things I shared, some I didn't. Mainly down to time as we had to share tasks to get them done in time. It wasn't a conscious decision but my mum helped with the hours of looking for dresses and as the shop were happy to store until the morning of the wedding he never saw it.

    And he was so nervous on the ceremony day that he only really noticed the dress on the following day when I put it on again for the reception!

    And we very deliberately broke the tradition of the night before as predicted both of us were so nervous that we needed the reassurance that only each other could give.

    [Modified by: danielle on July 07, 2006 10:07 AM]
  • vpenningtonvpennington Posts: 134
    I'm with you and this one petite bride. I took my fiance wedding dress shopping and he loved it! We're paying for our wedding together and I'd rather wear something that he likes. I got some funny comments from women in the shops but not many - apparently it's the new cool thing for weddings - it's nice to know that we are sooooo fashionable darling!

  • sammiuksammiuk Posts: 95
    Hi all!!

    Noooooooooooooooo he cant see your dress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    But then i also wont walk under a ladder!!!

    My h2b has been realy involved in all details (much to the envy of my other married girlfriends!) but i drew the line at the dress!!

    I know what you mean about realy wanting to share it with him - the day i found 'the one' all i wanted to do was to run home and tell him all about it!!! But i resisted!

    I left a fabric swatch on the dining table one day and he saw it, i was disappointed but he was devesated!!!!! He realy wanted every detail of it to be a surprise!

    I think most grooms look forward to seeing you in the dress for the first time at the alter, i think if they'd already seen the dress some of that magic will be lost!!

    But for those of you whose h2b have seen the dress - i can understand how you could not resist!!!!

    In 80,741 minutes and he'l be seeing it anyway!!!!!!image
  • HarrietPenguinHarrietPenguin Posts: 5,848
    When I was first looking at dresses I didn't mind if H2B saw it or knew what I was wearing - like the rest of you I enjoy making decisions with him and knowing that he approves etc... but my MiL2b said I had to keep it a secret... she would have keeled over if I'd let him know! She's very traditional like that. Anyway I went along with it to keep her happy and now I'm so glad I did. H2B knows lots of styles of dresses that I don't like and when I asked him if he had any idea of what mine was like he said "not really, every time you show me a dress you just say that yours is nicer and better..."

    I am now really excited that the first time he sees it, I'll be walking down the aisle. He says he'll probably cry and secretly I'm hoping he will!

  • scoobyduckscoobyduck Posts: 139
    no way is he seeing my dress. He will see my hair but that is all. He has no idea what type of dess Imight wear, veil, tiara, shoes, jewellery. Like amyl I wont allow him to look at my purple book incase he finds anything out.

    I believe in keepinng a wedding traditional, lets face it nothing else is anymore not even xmas!!!!

    Sorry to rant!!! I'm sure we all do things for the right reasons

    Ems -x-
  • amylukamyluk Posts: 714
    at the end of the day we are all individuals and do our own thing if we did all do the same thing it would be pretty boring.

    i made the mistake the other day and left the hair pictures out so had to print some more and blag that it was one of a few ideas - dont think he believed me cos he saw my face wen i realised where they were. oops! never mind!
  • My H2b has seen my dress as he is the one paying for it as I dont have contact with my parents and didn't have any close female family nearby that I could ask to come shopping for one with me. I looked at 3 dresses with him all similar in price and then without letting him see me actually in it, chose the one I want, so although he has seen the dress he hasn;t seen me wearing it.
  • helenwileshelenwiles Posts: 215
    h2b doesnt want to see my dress or hairstyle and i kind of like it that way as i feel it will (hopefully) be anice surprise when i walk down the aisle.

    however he has seen shoes and underwear (but only a sneak of what i will be wearing when we get back to the room!!!)

    im not traditional or anything and he will be seeing it in 10 days time anyway xx
  • DaddyorChipsDaddyorChips Posts: 9,196
    My husband to be has been helping me buy my wedding dress. I think as we are going to spend the night before and the morning of the wedding together that he should be involved. Also he will know exactly what he is having to match his outfit/suit with.

    I couldn't imagine not having him involved with the preperations.
  • lozzyuk1lozzyuk1 Posts: 1,910
    he knows my dress is pink ( let it slip in a shop in london and he overheard) and he has seen my shoes but want him to see it for first time on the day - not because of superstition or tradition but just to see his hopefully gobsmacked face!


    do what`s best for YOU
  • Interesting dicussion, girls; I can understand all the above points of view!

    H2B really wanted to see the dress I'm getting made when I first found the photo of it, because he loves to know everything, and he is more interested in clothes than I am!! He is very involved in every part of the wedding planning except for the dresses, and I am used to telling him everything, but I not going to show him the dress once it's made, for the same reason as lozzy - can't wait to see his face when he sees it for the first time on me, with hair, make-up, and the emotion of standing there waiting for me to arrive to marry him!

    I don't care about the tradition or superstition attached to it; I just told him I want to step out of the car and have him fall in love with me all over again - and he said that will happen regardless of whether he has already seen the dress or not! image

    I think he is now content with the clues I have given him about the bridesmaid dresses (as they give away a little of what mine is like), plus he is going material shopping with me for my and their dresses - so we have compromised!!

    So each to their own! Good luck all the planning etc, everyone!
  • Well my H2b didnt see my first dress (yes thats right first!) Good job too because when I went to the shop to try it on for a fitting I didnt like it anymore and was devastated because they wouldnt give me my money back and I have to sell it myself even though its not been taken away from the place! I was so upset that he came with me more for moral support the second time round. He has seen the style of the dress which he really likes but it is getting hand made for me so he hasnt seen it on me or anything. Like a lot of other girls both my parents have passed on and my family are not local so it is nice to have him to lean on. Once the second dress was sorted he was happy and said it was good to have his smiley girl back!

    We are also spending the night before together and getting ready together. I will keep him out of the way while I am getting ready though so that he will only see the "finished article". We are arriving together in a helicopter so he will have to see me before the ceremony anyway. I didnt want him having all the fun! ;\)

    We are making this wedding day exactly as we want it and are loving every minute of it.

    Its true, we are all different and thats how it should be.


  • molonsmolons Posts: 315
    Oh well - as long as you guys are happy its doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - personally I am sticking to tradtion even tho it is killing me cause I want him to like my dress. He knows what colours we are having for bridesmaid and has seen their dresses which is fine cause he won't be focusing on them anyway.
  • banana_jambanana_jam Posts: 2,215
    I'd argue that even for those of you who don't want your h2b to know about your dress, him seeing a picture of it is far from disastrous as he'll still have no idea what you'll look like in it. (Presumably for the same reason that so many of us see a dress in a magazine and fall in love with it, then try it on only to find we look like a sack of spuds. Only in reverse, hopefully.)

    Also, I don't know about you, but if I showed h2b my dress then asked him to describe it five minutes later, he'd struggle for a bit then say "it's white". Let's not credit men with more sartorial awareness than they deserve here... ;\)

  • JudithukJudithuk Posts: 54
    Show him the dress, stay with him the night before, do anything you want! It's your wedding.

    And besides, this is marriage we're talking about. Life long commitment. Till death do us part. For better or worse. These are steadfast, durable vows. Not flimsy, half-hearted promises that can be rocked by hocus pocus superstition.

    And anyway, if we followed traditon we'd be virgins living with our mums till the big day. You don't hear many people getting het up about adhereing to that custom do you?

    I'm all for showing your GTB the dress. I'll probably do the same. I might even stay with him the night before too, just for good measure!
  • saskia87saskia87 Posts: 755
    Totally agree with you J

    My h2b has only seen a picture of my dress but that is because I bought it online - if I had bought it from a shop I'm sure I would have taken him along as I want his opinion and I wanted him to like my dress.

    He's been through the magazines with me and only liked a handful of dresses out of hundreds so if I hadn't let him see my dress chances are he wouldn't have liked it. I still had the choice - he just gave the thumbs up and won't see me wearing it til the day
  • kellychamkellycham Posts: 236
    My h2b is coming dress shopping with me! This is for lots of reasons really. First and foremost, he is my best friend and I want him to look at me on the day and swell with pride because he likes the dress too and therefore will hopefully think I look lovely! I really value his opinion, because he knows what I look good in (in fact, I would totally trust him to go out and buy me a whole new wardrobe). I know he will be completely honest with me. Secondly, I don't have parents to come dress shopping with me and my sister has a baby - we experienced big problems to do with this when we were shopping for her wedding dress and the shops wouldn't allow prams or buggies in, so she was really restricted as to where she could go.

    Part of me is a little freaked out about him seeing the dress because I am a superstitious person. We are sticking to some other traditions though, like not spending the night before the wedding together. Though as somebody else said, if we are all trying to be totally traditional, then none of us should be living together before our weddings and I bet 99% of us on here are!!!!!;\)
  • Im not letting my h2b see my dress or my jewellery or my hair style I want him to say wow when he sees me walking up the aisle. Im not really traditional but I think its a nice suprise to say his face when he sees me. We are staying at our parents house seperate the night before but Im sure we will phone eachother for moral support.

    We do live together but we just wanna do our wedding traditionaly so it feels different to our every day life.
  • donnasukdonnasuk Posts: 658
    you are unlikely to spontaneously conbust if he sees your dress before the wedding.

    there is enough to worry about organising a wedding without superstitions.

    yes it is lovely for him to get the full impact of everything on the day, just as it will be wonderful to see him all dressed up. i don't think seeing just the dress beforehand will spoil it.

    if you want his advice/reassurance on your frock why not. i have tried my dress on and my bloke gave me a big hug, so i guess he likes it.

    good luck

  • Didn't realise thread was soooo old! image
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