Clueless Grooms...

My beautiful, amazing husband-to-be hasn't got a clue.

Bless him, he has all the best intentions in the world, but really doesnt know anything about Weddings.

He's now even asked me for a list or guide of what he needs to know or do in the lead up to or on the day, little things that anyone would presume were a given....

....only, its not as easy as that, is it! I don't really know either, most of it comes second nature to us brides!

Apparently my maid of honour spoke with him and said "just sent her a nice gift on the morning of the wedding and you'll be fine image" and he panicked saying "gift?! what gift?! ahhhhhh SEE this is why I need to be TOLD!"

So - he can't be the only one out there feeling like this. How about we compile a 'clueless grooms' list for all those well meaning but bewildered blokes of ours?


  • GemszGemsz Posts: 148
    Ha ha ha mine is the same!! He changed the time to an hour earlier and doesn't understand what difference it makes - and why it will take me so long to get ready ha ha

  • proxy10proxy10 Posts: 188
    Seems that the situation is the same. image

  • Sooooo.... how do we help them out ladies?! image

  • I think i'd prefer that than what my H2b has contributed which is basically nothing.
  • Spreadsheets! It's the only thing mine understands!! image
  • utopian99utopian99 Posts: 530
    hmm - at the risk of putting a spanner in the works, (and i might have felt differently if he'd not done anything) but my husband got me something of his own initiative, without me expecting it, as he was already planning our honeymoon for us as a 'gift' to me.. i really don't want to cause a furore, but if i'd told him to get me a present, it would have missed the point a bit, surely?
  • MangoToesMangoToes Posts: 477
    c'mon ladies, you KNOW they're clueless on purpose so that we don't give them anything to do. It's the same as how my H2B always makes a mess of cooking/cleaning so he knows I won't ask him to do it again! image

    They may ACT clueless but they are actually very, very wily!! image
  • utopian99 - sure I completely agree. I would never tell my man to buy me a present(?!?!) that was merely an example of how much he's stressing, bless him... and to explain that he's so concerned he's raised it with my bridesmaids too when I'm not around!

    I ask this because my man is harassing me to tell him now (with 18 months to go) anything he should know, so that he is prepared nearer the time.

    We're the first of our friends to marry, he's the eldest in his extended family, so has never really been around Wedding things and is frightened of screwing up without even knowing it!

    I too am in a similar situation in that I know what I want from my Wedding, but when it comes to the Groom's side of things... I havent a clue! Are there things he should be doing that we'd find out about later and regret for example?

    We just don't know image
  • GemszGemsz Posts: 148
    I give mine a list of things, and I still have to do it myself ha ha

  • MarywedsMaryweds Posts: 133
    I guess it depends how much he actually wants to be involved - if it is that he does (sounds like it) but isn't sure on what to do, ask him questions and for advice, and give him things to do... It's the same as another thing where one partner knows more than the other, it just happens to be a wedding. What;s he into? Food? Music? Get him to organise something that's 'him'... x
  • I guess it depends how much he actually wants to be involved - if it is that he does (sounds like it) but isn't sure on what to do, ask him questions and for advice, and give him things to do
  • MaylanMaylan Posts: 9,604
    Mine just wants a piece of everything, in a way image he made a list of venues for us to visit, got maps, made appointments, and we chose that together.

    He's convinced about meeting with vendors and all that. The only thing I don't think he's thinking about, and should, is his suit image
  • I hate to rain on the man-bashing party, but my guy has been great. He's been on top of the ball with finding a place, making a reasonable guest list and designing invitations. I have to give him a pat on the back for that. I'm also very clear with him, though, about my expectations for the wedding, so I think he understands what I need from him and I understand what he needs from me.
  • Maybe you should direct him to this forum image
  • SarahMor84SarahMor84 Posts: 1,493
    This is funny, my H2B does not have a much of a clue either but also does not really want to know anything other than the date, place and time to turn up image

    Slightly annoying because I want to make this wedding about us not just me. Having said that he got excited with favour ideas and giving everyone M&Ms that you can not get in the uk so I have gone with that over my idea.
  • aww bless them...

    thankfully my husband to be has been great. we have met with all the supliers together and discussed everything together. Certain things his said its up to me but i would still ask him for some input into making decisions on certain things. im quite indecisive myself so i was greatful for the help.

    although he did get quite fussy when we were visiting venues, he had a thing about the curtains, he never seemed to like the curtains which always put him off the venue. quite weird really image so now we have had to have the decorators in the cover the curtains in white and black sashes to match the chair covers.
  • i think, to be honest, the wedding is for two people, i know sometimes we forget that and it becomes all about the bride, but it is all for your groom too, so if he is stressed that he doesnt no anything then id say he doesnt need to be coz you are going to plan and go through it all together and then you'l find things out together. Unless he has been married before i wouldnt expect him to know anything, its when your planning it that they need to feel part of it in order to contribute. Thats my opinion though and i know all couples are different but i no in my experience apart from my dress there has been nothnig that we havnt decided together so we both have input and both know just as much as each other -which often isn't much at all! lol
  • dattydatty Posts: 260
    Mine doesn't have a clue either, one thing he needed to sort out his suits, he'd totally forgotten that he needed to arrange to get measured, even though i'd written it down for himm and reminded him a million times, lol
  • NowMrsMackNowMrsMack Posts: 2,535
    My OH is very enthusiastic, but also had the same shock with the brides gift! But he's so lovely and interested in everything else, that I'll let him off! image
  • milo9milo9 Posts: 11
    I don't see what all the fuss is about? Being a groom is pretty easy....

    1 - Sort a guest list. You MUST do this as a couple to get an idea of numbers before booking venues etc.

    2 - Familiarise yourself with her scrapbook...

    3 - Pick a venue. Again, do this as a couple, go through the contracts and take photos of venue so you can visualise where everything is going to go on the day (a good venue will prompt you and send out a wedding planning pack to cover things like meeting registrar, timings on the day etc.

    4 - Colour scheme and stationary - Stay clear, you're opinion doesn't matter, just smile and nod.

    5 - Choose photographers, videographers, DJ's, bands, children's entertainers, childminders etc. You have to do this together and meet with the people you book to make sure you're both happy.

    6 - Drive bridal party to look at dresses, drop them off and pop into moss bros followed by the gadget shop and the pub. Put deposits down on everything.

    7 - Decoration. You will be asked for your opinion, but then you will be ignored.... Flowers, seat covers, bows, favours, wish trees, sweet table, gifts for bridesmaids, mothers etc... You have no say, but be prepared to do the leg work, trawl the internet and barter with suppliers.

    8 - Make sure your best man and ushers know what is expected of them..... If you don't know, ask your WTB. Spend a bit of time writing your speech, what you think is a funny story probably isn't!

    9 - Make sure there is a romantic surprise for your WTB as a gesture of your undying love for her.

    10 - She'll be half an hour late on the day, so make sure you're an hour early, double, treble and quadruple check everything.

    You'll be told where and when to do the other stuff like food tasting, wedding cake tasting, jewellery appointments, clothes fittings etc...
  • ah they are all so sweet. I am lucky my h2b has been involved from day 1 and has come up with lots of suggestions (some not relevant!) the best way we have done it is (very sad!) a spidergram. Its currently on the wall with everything that needs to be done for the wedding it is also right by the fridge as I know this is where he spends most his time! He has now been asking and listening about everything as its clear what needs to be done rather then keep mentioning things. He even came up with a harpist at the ceremony!
  • scrummie2bscrummie2b Posts: 266
    My h2b has been fantastic and he had input into everything for the wedding from the venue to the stationery to the favours. He has given me his honest opinion and has vetoed some of my ideas but then has embraced others. Love him to bits and the planning has just reinforced how much I love him!! When I'm getting stressed hes there to show me theres no need to get stressed and when I'm having venue wobbles he reminds me that as long as we are getting married then I dont really care what the room looks like or if the chair sashes aren't an exact colour match.
  • my H2B is clueless, we said we wanted a classy/elegant but fun wedding. He came up with the idea of serving pizza in pizza boxes at our wedding breakfast haha even though he has a wheat intolerance!!

    And when we have a brief discussion on colours, he pointed to a hoodie of nice that was electric blue! not a nice, navy/midnight/baby blue.. neon electric blue!!!
  • pink-llamapink-llama Posts: 435
    Mine's ot really clueless, but he doesn't really state an opinion either!

    I think I've got the message across though - his job is tag along with me to suppliers, and haggle down all the prices. Sorted! image

    The rest of the plans, the mothers seem to have taken them over! Thankfully they listen to what we want too though, so it's all good. Just means less stress for me image
  • NowMrsMaggsNowMrsMaggs Posts: 1,823
    The YAYW Groom book is pretty good - as is the Bride book!
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