Selecting Ushers

Hello other Grooms,

I'm newly engaged and getting married in December 2014 and as someone who has never had a serious relationship let alone be engaged before, i'm completely out of my depth and looking for some advice! As someone who finds emotion quite hard in person when dealing with other people who arent my lovely wife to be, what better place to ask for help than behind my keyboard.

Now I grew up with a group of friends in a tight knit village community, there must be around 10 of us at least who hav always been best friends without really breaking off into small cliques. We come as a group, so to speak. Whilst I can select one of these as a Best Man wit the justification that we spent more time together than the others, I can not select 3 Ushers out of the remaining without the risk of offending or upsetting the others. I could literally select any 3 of the group, none step forward as definite selections whereas none fall out of the running.

Bit of a conundrum but has anyone been in this situation where they can't choose? What did you do, just got ruthless and picked 3, or perhaps drew straws so to speak? Maybe I'm just overthinking and worrying about causing any friction.

My mother did mention I could ask three of my male cousins to be ushers but the truth is I just dont like them! Guess it would prevent any issues with my friends though..



  • Hey Lucky, welcome and congrats!

    I can see you have a difficult dilemma.  My sister gets married this Saturday and her H2B has still not really chosen a best man from his team of 4 ushers so I know what you’re going through!  I would imagine you are very close to all these blokes, but don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings inadvertently.    

    What I might be tempted to do is select based on their skills for the job so to speak.  So for example if any of them have a job that involves working with people or organising things, you could let the gang know that you would like Mr X, Y and Z to be your ushers as they will be great at herding people for group shots / welcoming guests / telling people where to sit etc. 

    Other responsibilities can be given to the remaining blokes as well, for example helping plan the Stag, readings etc.  You could explain that you are so happy to have them all there as part of your special day, and would really appreciate any support they can give you. 

    Another option would be to just select a best man, and don’t have any ushers at all.  You know the guys will be there for you regardless, regardless of any formal roles. 


  • he hasnt chosen a best man with only a few days to go?! Whoever is chosen better be able to conjure up a great speech!

    The way we lads are (Welsh rugby boys) we're probably not close in a conventional buddy buddy way but more as in the fact we've all grown up together and have just been parts of each others lives...I can't really explain it but nonetheless I can't differentiate between them!

    I would venture towards the final paragraph, I think i can justify selecting one as best man but not selecting 4 for roles and the others as nothing. Cheers!


  • They are doing 3 speeches!  As well as the FOB and Grooms speech.  

    Lots of people just have one Bridesmaid or Best Man, maybe because they find it hard to select?   Plus saves on suits.  lol 

  • Yeah I always have my mind on the pricetags! Maybe one is best.

  • MrsJCMrsJC Posts: 2,204

    The other way to go would be to have roles for all of them - they don't all have to be ushers.

    If there are 10 of them have:

    1 best man

    4 ushers

    1 doing a reading

    1 as a witness

    1 as master of ceremonies (basically introducing you to the room as you come in for the meal, and then introducing the speakers for the speeches)

    1 organising the photographs (give him a list of who is in what pictures and get him to organise everyone. You would be amazed how much difference this makes!)

    1 in charge of paying suppliers on the day - you are bound to have someone that wants cash on the day, so ask the most responsible one to handle this.

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