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Boudoir Shoot - bad idea?

Ok so I have been reading another thread on here about a grroms (very) bad reaction to a boudoir shoot.  I kind of felt like I was very similar to the other OP in that my fiance has asked for nude pictures of me in the past and it got my brain thinking that a boudoir shoot might be a nice present idea for him on the big day.  But having read about the other grooms reaction to his I thought I'd test the water a little with my groom to be and see what he thought.  Didn't tell him I was thinking of getting one done but said that a friend was and asked him what he thought... not a good idea.  He basically said that it should be between us and the only one to take the photos should be him - regardless of it being a professional who takes the pics.  That he would think less of me for doing something like that and would tell me to take the pics back as he wouldn't be interested! 

 

All in all leaving me quite glad I sounded him out before I went ahead... but in all honesty a bit confused and disappointed too.  Although the thought of it terrified me initially I have to admit I was quite looking forward to it.  And I am now totally confused as to him asking for nude pics of me... why would that not make him think less of me but nicley lit and staged photos would?  Maybe this is a 'men are from mars, women are from venus' type thing but I just don't understand.  Back to the drawing board for present ideas then I guess...

 

Sorry if this thread doesn't make a whole lot of sense... just wanted to put my thoughts down in black and white I guess!

Posts

  • PinkafroPinkafro Posts: 1,211

    First off the other groom on here's extreme reaction was VERY rare and totally unjustified.

    It is a shame your groom said that though, most men love it! What did you say your friend was doing? Fully nude or underwear photos?

    I am having mine done next week and am really excited! I think it is just as much for the woman herself as the groom, as you said you are looking forward to it, and it does a lot for a girl's confidence.

    I think it would be a shame to cancel, and his attitude would be different when he actually saw your photos, done tastefully. Keep it demure and bridal, basques, corsets, stockings, garter, heels and veil if you have it. Really, if you are in your underwear the photographer isnt seeing any more than strangers on the beach do when you're in your bikini. Where I am going does all sorts of boudoir shoots, up to naked wet look, chains, pole dancing etc etc! For a bridal boudoir thats not the look I'm going for lol so plan to keep my kit on (well I might do a pants only from behind) and I think if its done tastefully he shouldn't have a problem with it.

    Is your photographer a man or a woman? Think it would also help if you can tell him it was a woman taking the photos. Mines a husband and wife team lol so is a man but I think my OH is mature enough to be OK with that (hopeimage )

  • Hi!! 

    I asked my H2B about this, he's very particular about photography and knows more about it than me, and since it would be for him I asked him what he thought and if he would chose a photograph and style he liked. So I did ask him beforehand though for a different reason. It never even crossed my mind that my man wouldn't want tasteful but sexy picture of me looking great! He thought it was a good idea and said yes he'd be happy to. 

    It seem to me that your mind is made up not to do it. What has bothered you, his reactions, the strength of his opinions, or how easily his opinion on you can be altered?

    This is a broad generalisation and not aimed at your H2B but I find it odd that so many men are happy to look at page3, and images on the Internet or ogle young women in clubs ( I know I am making broad generalisations here), but female nudity is everywhere, from the beach to perfume adverts. How is wearing a bra and knickers less than you would wear on the beach? These are professional photographers for goodness sake.

    I can't believe he would think less of you for doing that, what so all models don't deserve any respect. Sorry getting off topic.... it's the hypocrisy of modern society that annoys me and I am most definitely a modern feminist. 

    Beside what do YOU want to do? From what I've read it can be quite an empovering and confidence boosting experice. 

  • sammywoosammywoo Posts: 56

    After the other thread, I asked my OH what he thought. He thinks having a boudoir shoot is pointless and a waste of money!! He'd rather have a watch image

  • PinkafroPinkafro Posts: 1,211

    Completely agree with you Oxfordshire Bride!

    Lol sammywoo! My colleague's reaction was a bit like that. His girlfriend did one for his birthday and he was nice to her face, but told me he's been there done that, knows what she looks like in underwear so other girls in underwear are more interesting than his girlfriend of 10 years! Some men image. I do think I am probably doing my shoot more for my benefit than his, but hopefully he will like them too! Luckily my shoot is only costing a tenth of the price of the watch my OH would like so it wasn't either or, the TAG is just out of the picture until after the wedding unfortunately!

  • MrsBeau2BMrsBeau2B Posts: 1,513

    Mine would love it, but the chances are it would be shoved in a drawer and forgotten about.. i may still do it if i can fit one in but he has a lovely watch as a gift instead!

  • jsl298jsl298 Posts: 38

    I have booked to have one done in the hope he likes it but have been trying to sound him out since reading the last post. My main consolation is that I have only paid £20 for the shoot from buyagift.co.uk which includes one photo. If it works I will buy extra photos if not I have only lost £20 so I dont feel so bad about taking the risk! As I haven't had it done yet and they are carried out all over the country I can't recommend them but I thought £20 was worth a chance.

  • MrsJCMrsJC Posts: 2,204

    I'm really looking forward to mineimage. Just 2 months to go!

    The album is a surprise gift for H2B, but like Pinkafro said, it's just as much for me as it is for him, maybe even a little bit more! I've lost a lot of weight for the wedding, I may never look this good again, and I wanted to get some (tasteful!) shots done to capture that confidence!

    My H2B would also really like (and might prefer) a watch, but there's no way I could afford the one that he wants. I will probably think of something else to go with the album though - so that there is a more respectable answer that we can give if anyone asks what gift I got him!

    abcde - I wonder if you should just tell your H2B exactly what you were planning? I know it would be a shame to lose the surprise element, but if it's something you want to do for yourself, and you either don't want nude shots or could compromise on this, maybe your H2B would be OK with it after all? 

    Also, Pinkafro is right - the gender of the tog could well make a difference.

  • Debs270613Debs270613 Posts: 225

    id say sod it and go for it if you can afford it! I had some done as I had a groupon and loved my pics so much I bought an album ( the original voucher was for single image which then bf now h2b chose). This will prob sound self centered ( I don't mean to) but I hate pictures of myself but I barely recognised myself in the shoot and couldn't believe that was me. Regardless of whether h2b likes them or not, they are a fab pick me up on down days (& stops the chocolate hunt!). So if you want to do it, go for it!

     

    ps mine was underwear, not fully nude image

  • LL1810LL1810 Posts: 417

    I think if you could find a female photographer it shouldn't be a problem?  I know my h2b would love it but haven't gotten around to organising one yet. I know a friend of a friend who does it but find that a bit too personal!

  • Geek GirlGeek Girl Posts: 145

    Hilariously I've just had a sounding out chat on the back of this thread with my H2B and his response was 'I wouldn't have a problem with you doing something like that in a jealousy way, but it does just sound incredibly naff.'

    Probably for the best I got him something else as his wedding giftimage

  • MrsVJB2BMrsVJB2B Posts: 372

    I did some shots before I met my OH and it was so liberating. I did full nude but was posed so you couldn't see 'naughty bits'. The pics look amazing (agree with Debs270613 - didn't look like me!) but the issue with boudoir pics is where do you put them? Mine are stuck in a drawer as I don't really want visitors to see me like that! That saying, I did have one with my arms crossed over my chest with my head down - all very moody and that is on show in the house (I have loads more tattoos now so it's kind of a 'before' shot!).

    I've just asked my OH and he'd be OK for male or female photographer to take pics but I do get why men wouldn't want a bloke potentially 'ogling' their partner.

    Be careful though if you're doing one of these makeover/photo shoot deals as they were really pushy in getting me to buy photos and it did spoil the day for me.

  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253

    what we have decided to do, not out of prudity more to do with cost and what i think the an will enjoy is to have an us night, ive got a few different cstumes i can wear and well order a take away and get some booze in and he can phtotograph me. but in strict professionalism so he has to get through the whole shoot without touching me or getting excitedimage afterwards he can do what he likes with me image the ill take the pics, edit them and put them into a book for him, he wont know which ones i use and after a bit f photoshopping and zooming in and adding a bit more intensity with the light he wont remember them. its stillla nice surprise but he gets a thrilling night from it. ill send him out of the room every time i get changed so he only sees the outfits oce hes behind the camera. should make for a really nice evening

  • Thanks for the responses.  I am not really sure what to do! lol.  I like nats2013 idea but I'm afraid the pictures would turn out utterly naff if we did them ourselves!  I really hate having my picture taken so this was a chance to get over that and have some really nice photos done to boost my confidence too before the wedding.  But the main purpose of this was a present for H2B so I'm not sure I can do it knowing what he has now said.  It is a female photographer and I have not chosen the cheapest one because I wanted it done right and looking nice.  I said friend was having underwear type shots not nude but even that he didn't like.  Guess I just didn't expect this reaction - like I said he has told me numerous times he would like some photos of me so I thought this would be a really good idea, don't know whether to just call it quits now and forget the whole thing

  • Why not just be upfront with him, and tell him you have a shoot booked as youd originally thought it would be a nice pressie for him.You would like to go ahead with it, however if its something he really doesnt want you to do, you wont. He might just be saying all this, never dreaming that youd want to do it yourself.

  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    I had one done as i won it!  I was really worried before i went and i didnt opt for having nothing on at all, so i wore my wedding veil to hid behind and although you cant really see any rude bits the pictures still look really sexy and i cant wait for him to see it on the morning of the wedding - 26 days to go image

     

  • Sarah C89Sarah C89 Posts: 368 New bride

    I feel your pain! I thought this would be a great present for him and a big confidence boost for me, but was shocked at how much getting it done properly would cost, so approached h2b to see what he thought before I paid out for it. Initially I just asked for general opinion but got a very vehement reaction of thinking its tarty and naff, so I asked specifically because I was quite upset, and he said a very similar thing to your oh ... If I want pictures like that ill take them myself, I don't see the point of you stripping off in front of someone else and it's not like I'd look at them anyway, I'm too busy looking at you in real life ... Now I understand that he was being protective and supposedly complimentary but I felt this was a bit of a kick in the teeth actually, but I also know that it will only cause upset and arguments if I went ahead when he'd specifically said not to. Maybe nats2013's idea is actually the ideal solution to both my and your issue? Xx

  • PandemoniaPandemonia Posts: 58

    "'I wouldn't have a problem with you doing something like that in a jealousy way, but it does just sound incredibly naff.'"

    That is exactly what my husband would have thought. I am a photographer and one of my friend who is also a professional snapper does superb glamour shots so I could easily have organised some of me. But I honestly think my husband would have thought I'd gone bonkers if I had a boudoir shoot.

    I think if you've had such a strong reaction from your h2b then I'd be inclined to act on it and not go ahead. It is irrational, especially if you have a female photographer, to get upset about a professional taking this sort of picture but boudoir shots are not to everyone's taste. 

  • Have approached H2B again about this and he is definately not happy with it... going to have to cancel.  Hmm... back to the drawing board for present ideas then image

  • FranitaFranita Posts: 487

    This is a totally new concept to me until I joined this forum and to be honest I could never ever imagine myself doing it (the websites I've seen that do it make me cringe!) and I'm actually pretty comfortable with my body.  BUT just in case I thought my reaction was odd, I asked my OH if he had ever heard of them - he thought the whole concept was hilarious but also pretty tacky so that settled my mind that clearly it would not be the gift for him even if I was up for it.  Probably best to go with what you think your OH's opinion is especially with the money you'd be shelling out for it!

    And then I just thought of what would happen if a guy did it for a girl and I am now on the floor with laughter - can you imagine how tacky THAT would be?!

  • PinkafroPinkafro Posts: 1,211

    Franita - its less common but it happens! I am doing mine with Mighty Aphrodite, if you look at their site they have male boudoir pics too! I would be very very amused if my OH did one image
    Well mine is tomorrow and I am very excited! I don't care what other people think, I am doing it much more for me than OH really and it was a great excuse to buy lovely new corsets and underwear.

  • FranitaFranita Posts: 487

    Oh god I'm going to have to look that up! I was in no way being serious!

    Good on you PinkAfro image. Enjoy!

  • NadineRyanNadineRyan Posts: 24

    I'm not the biggest fan of this kind of shoot.. Simple photos which reflect your happiness together are all you need image

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