Awkward parents situation-how to word the speech

Hey Guys,

Really hope you can help. Groom's Mum left him and his 3 brothers when he was 6. His Dad brought him up. Recently he's got back in touch with his mother and shes coming to the wedding. Groom really wants to thank his Dad for the amazing way hes brought him up but also doesn't want to upset his Mother.


Any suggestions gratefully received!!


P xx


  • Mrs CapeMrs Cape Posts: 133

    firstly I appreciate this is a difficult situation but his mum left very early on his life so must appreciate the man he has become today, the man she is proud to call her son is testament to his fathers love and nurturing through the years. I think it helps this is a father son situation, so maybe he could angle it from that perspective more than anything.. ie work his speech around how much his dad has done to bring him up as the man he is today based on how much of a gentleman his dad is the valuable lessons he has taught him and how he hopes his children will view him in the same way he does his dad.. perhaps anything that remains to be said could be put into words in a letter for his dads eyes only..xx

  • Mrs ShepMrs Shep Posts: 229

    My H2b has a similar situation and his StepMum is coming to the day.(She brought him up alongside his Dad)  He has told his Mum that we are getting married but she is not invited as she would have been a spare part.

    I'm probably not being overly helpful but I don't think he should worry about her feelings. she left him.....his dad brought him up. If she doesn't like that your h2b wants to thank him.....she shouldn't have left him in the first place.

    I am sorry if that doesn't help but it is not your h2b's fault and he shouldn't worry about upsetting her. Xx

  • PopsyxxPopsyxx Posts: 1,009

    imsign with mrsshep2b. 

    Its her fault for leaving and keeping in touch...surely she will know that obviously his dad will be thanked considering she has done nothing for him! 


    If u really did want to involve her a little something could be mentioned by you like thanks for creating the most wonderful man or something! Xx

  • PopsyxxPopsyxx Posts: 1,009

    Not keeping in touch!*

  • He should be able to thank his dad however way he feels .. His mum will just have to suck it up for the day !! We have a similar problem . My parents arent coming to the wedding but h2b really wants to thank his dad as he gave us money to buy the cake / cupcakes . Ive told him to thank whoever he wants to and whoever feels left out ( like his mum who has done or contributed nothing and shown no interest ) its tough ! They dont spare our feelings when they snub our wedding so why should we spare theirs 

  • TaraLTaraL Posts: 26

    I'm with MrsShep as well. His Dad has done all the hard work, he's brought him up so he's the one who deserves the thanks on your wedding day. Your h2b should be able to thank his Dad however he wants to and his mother should realise this and accept it. I have quite a similar situation where my mother left me and my brother when we were very young (3 and 1) and my Dad brought us up by himself.

  • PedroPedro Posts: 8

    I don't see any problem with the groom acknowledging the job his father has done.

    If he words his speech along the lines of appreciating his dad. rather than mum left us so dad had to raise us kids?

    Maybe somewhere in the speech the groom could mention reconnecting with his mum.



  • MrsMc9814MrsMc9814 Posts: 422

    I don't really have much to add on what's been said here really - perhaps when he thanks everyone for coming he could say something along the lines of "thank you to everyone who has made the effort to be here today, particularly my mum who has travelled a long way (if she lives far away) / Overcome certain hurdles" etc (you know what I mean!) Then he could say "but the biggest appreciation of all goes to my dad, without whom I would not be the man I am today..." or something like that. That way he's acknowledged his mum's presence but can say what he feels about his dad too. xx

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