royal marine boyfriend...no idea what to expect!

hello ladies,

I have been reading threads on here trying to find answers as my boyfriend of 2 years has joined the royal marines and is awaiting a date for his 32 week training programme, I love him dearly but we are both only 21, he has said that after training is finished he will want to marry me so we can live together and stay with each other and i'm obviously a bit stunned, i'm incredibly proud of him but i'm frightened about what my life will be like now? if anyone could answer some of my questions i'd be very grateful! is there an average period of time a royal marine is on tour during a year? how often do you get to contact each other? what do you do to cope with the lonely times? what sort of career can you have if you have to keep moving around? how easy is it to make friends while you follow your husband around? so many thoughts in my head and i'd love to hear from women in my position or who have experienced this and can give advice! many thanks image xx

Posts

  • BigBird78ukBigBird78uk Posts: 547
    Better to get onto a site dedicated to forces other halves... They'll have all the answers to your questions and more



    www.rearparty.co.uk
  • BigBird78ukBigBird78uk Posts: 547
    My answers to your questions (I'm an Army wife, not Royal Marine)...



    Average period on tour? There isn't one. Mine has done 5 x 6-7 month tours in the last 8 years. Some don't do that many



    How often do we contact each other... On tour? Speak twice a week, email contact most days but mine is in a specialist field and so was based near PCs. Some go weeks without contact



    How do I cope? I stay busy, just man up and crack on.



    Career? Mine is great because I refuse to give it up to follow him. I earn as much as him so why should I? Don't assume you have to follow him around.



    Can't tell you about ease of making friends but he has been based in many places so I have met lots of different people and it's the same as anywhere else.... I like some people and don't like others



    image
  • raspberry_jamraspberry_jam Posts: 616
    Have to agree with big bird! In 5 years OH has been on tour 3 times... All 6/7 months.



    My career is exactly what I want... Both jobs are priority.



    OH and I were together 3 years before he joined up and yes it's been hard but I am incredibly proud and career wise it aa he best decision he's ever made.



    I have made loads of friends...image no worries there!!



    OH has been based same area his whole career- they can still be same base but change Sqn.





    Anything else? Hope it helps x
  • leanneboo87leanneboo87 Posts: 53
    My fiance is a Royal Marine, we have been together over 6 years now, he has been a marine for 3 of those. During the training he will be able to speak to you every day pretty much, expect him to be very tired though as they work them hard in those 32 weeks.



    In his time he has been to various different countries, some for a few weeks, twice for 3 months and afghan for 6 months.



    When they are away they do get phone credit to be able to speak for upto half hour a week, doesnt sound much I know but you do get used to it.



    Same as the others with how you cope, very hard to try and explain it but you do! There are days when its lonely but on the whole you just get on with your life and enjoy every minute that he's back.



    I didnt choose to follow him to plymouth, I live in Cambridge in our house and he comes home at the weekends, I didnt want to give up my life, friends and family just to follow his job. I am so glad I made that decision!! Technically marines dont get moved around like the other forces, unless they ask to that is! so you hopefully wouldnt be moving about too much if you did go with him.



    The royal marines have an amazing support network, I used it daily when he was in afghan and found it really helpful to talk to other RM wags lol when he gets in you should get all the details to join up.



    Anyway if you wanna talk or have any other questions feel free to pm me.



    xxxx
  • wow thank you all so much for your responses! i searched the internet for forces wives forums but this one despite being a wedding forum had the best chats that i could relate to, but thank you bigbird78uk i will check out that site! image

    it's nice to hear that you can keep your job leanneboo and raspberry_jam i haven't particularly got a job that i would want to keep yet but i was hoping for the future that i could still pursue a career! I understand that it's something you adjust to and will become second nature, but due to my age i was concerned i would be settling into a stay at home wife at the age of 21 with no friends around me and wanted more than that at the moment, but its great to hear that it isn't like that image you ladies have taken a weight off my chest i really appreciate your comments, unfortunately i'm naturally a worrier!(poor Max) but with his choice of job i'm going to have to control that a bit more! lol one question i have is what are the marital quarters like? can you make them into your 'home' and not just a house? xxx
  • raspberry_jamraspberry_jam Posts: 616
    They vary- most are two or three bedrooms and yes you can make them your own to an extent... As in they will all have white walls and blue carpet but my friends have the same lay outs but totally different interior. In fact... A good friend of mine who lived in her own house before marriage q's said that this is the first time she's lived in a homely home. Is what you make of it! image
  • BBOPBBOP Posts: 2

    Hi there

    My boyfriend is now in week 11 of his Royal Marine Training and i have been browsing the internet for some advice and came across your feed.

    I am in the same situation littlemissreilly25 after training my boyfriend wants to get married and i am also worried. I will be 21 aswell and i do feel ready to settle down but dont want to leave my home town and job and friends!

    I see that youve said they get to come home to you leanneboo87 at the weekend, is this the case every weekend after training? And do they get holiday, like other jobs, that they can take when they need to do so... dates like the wedding day etc or would this have to be planned around when they have leave.

    Even though i am used to him being away, training is proving okay as i do get to talk to him pretty much every day unless he is out on excersise! I am just longing to know what life after training is going to entail for us..

    Any help would be great

    Thankyou Girls!!

  • Hi BBOP,

    My H2B is in the royal marines and has been for 8 years although we've only been together 3. If your boyfriend is stationed in a standard unit (and not deployed overseas) then they do get the weekends off (most of the time). Obviously depending on how far away his unit is based will make a big difference to whether he will amke it home or not. Most of the units are based in the Southwest, with 2 units up in Scotland.

    I was very lucky and met h2B whilst he was based close to my hometown but he is now based 2.5hrs away. He comes home every weekend but is just about to go off on a promotion course which is 11 weeks with little chance for home visits. Most units finish on a friday lunchtime so it makes travelling back a little easier.

    I have made the decision that once we are married I will relocate to be with him, which will mean sacrificing my job and being close to my family but it is a choice I am willing to make to be with him everyday image

    They do get holiday but not like a "normal" job. In most units they are entitled to 3 weeks leave in August, 2 weeks at christmas and 2 weeks at easter. But the dates aren't flexible....a bit like working in a school.

    When we planned our wedding he had to speak to his commanding officer and find out if there were any training deployments scheduled in. They normally know upto 2 years in advance. Fortunately he is currently in a non-deploying unit so the chances were fairly slim. However this doesn't take into account any unplanned operations (world war 3 etc). Basically wedding insurance was a must and you have to be aware that things may have to change. We are actually having our reception at the royal marine museum so they have been very understanding about our possibe need to rearrange.

    Hope this helps, and apologies for waffling on. It can be a bit of a shock to the system to be suddenly thrust into military life but if your man is worth marrying I'd say he is the worth the hassle image x

  • BBOPBBOP Posts: 2
    Thankyou for you reply that really does help!

    I guess we'll just have to see what happens after he passes out!

    I am the same as you, I plan on moving to where he gets his commando unit once we are married.

    One more question (sorry to go on) do you know if they get leave after their passing out parade at all?

    Thankyou!
  • My boyfriend has just left for his basic RM training today image not coping so well. Can anyone help me and give me a rough idea on how much I will get to see him ! 

    All advice helps 

    Thanks !

  • MrsNoelMrsNoel Posts: 486

    Try Rear Party, you will get more specific advice x

  • ConfusedConfused Posts: 5

    Did you have the experience as I have? My Royal Marine emailed me during daytime and nightitme for three months when he was in England. Even when he had light exrcises he used to email me from his office. He is a Lieutenant.

    Then since he got deployed in Afghanistan he became detached during his last week in England. And currently he does not contact me from Afghanistan. It is unnerving from adjusting me to email me every day during morning times and night times to cut off communication with me so abruptly while he is deployed in Afghanistan. However he had promised me many times that he will email me from Afghanistan. He did not do it yet. He is two weeks in Helmand by now. Any suggestions?

  • MrsNoelMrsNoel Posts: 486

    He could be, er, busy? Comms might not be good? Or he's been stringing you along? You know him best, have you met his family or friends? 

  • hi im new to all of this, my new boyfriend of only 3months is in the royal marines, i knew what i was getting into with deployments and oversea training etc...but hes just been deployed for 6 months and has become distant....a week before he went he stopped talking as much and said he was scared of hurting me for being away....im kind of struggling on how to cope with this and very worried hes going to come back with different feelings towards me image any advice would be much appreciated

     

     

  • C3C3 Posts: 1

    I found that my boyfriend was very distant when coming home during training, however when I spoke to him about it he acctually didn't know why! I think that the transition between work and home is something they find hard to adjust to. The best thing for you to do is be honest, speak to him and show your support and confirm you are in it for the long haU.K., everyone likes to know they have someone to come home to.

     

     

    stay strong my lovely, if it is meant to be it will be and that's all down to the attention you pay each other when you can x

  • nina4nina4 Posts: 1

    Hi, My boyfriend started his training a few weeks ago and I have not had much contact which worries me, at the same time I know he has a lot on. Can they have much contact??? He has messaged saying he is busy and will contact me when he has some leave. Just finding it hard as we have not been together long at all.

  • Hi. My boyfriend is in the RAF. We met when he was on a three year deployment (don't get worried girls - that's only if they apply for a long term overseas posting) which he was single at the time and met me! We have been together nearly three years and are living together (in civvie street) we have chosen not to get married just because he is in the forces! We will when we are ready not because of his job! We now have been in the UK together (were we are both from) for just over a year. I have my career also which keeps me busy all week anyway when he is away and then the weekends are girls time \ family time when he is away! When he is 'home' he stays in the flat we rent and drives to work each morning. He usually goes away for a week or two here at random times throughout the year. He's been to Afghan once and is now away for 6 months again. We whapsapp most days and send a picture a day .. Can be of something silly like me drinking a glass of wine for 'us' cos I know he can't drink where he is! You make it work if you want it too...yes sometimes it can be lonely but the times together and the anticipation of seeing each outweighs that. hope i have not rambled too much and this helps! X

  • Hey,

     

    Sorry to post on here but all the other sites I tried were rubbish! I'm basically seeing a RM. I'm not sure where its going yet but he seems keen and I really like him. He's based in a SW station.

     

    Are RMs into relationships or not? I really don't want just a 'fling', I like him a lot and he seems to like me!

  • MrsNoelMrsNoel Posts: 486

    Impossible to generalise like that. It's like asking if all secretaries like chocolate ice cream or not. 

  • Heather45Heather45 Posts: 1

    I've been with my RM for almost a year now (can't wait for our first year anniversary!) I can't say too much, but he's not at home just now, and I haven't heard from him in days, which is so unlike him. BUT! I'm keeping strong and have been messaging him with updates throughout the day, mornings, lunch, dinner and bedtime. I've thought of it like I'm writing him a letter and he'll respond when he gets them.

    I'm finding it hard and quite lonely, but I'm not showing him those feelings because I want to support him. This is the only forum I've came across talking about RM's. And it's nice to see a close knit community out there x

  • Hi I am seeing a RM based in the SW is it just mine or do many of them tend to be a bit different from 'normal' boyfriends and less expressive with their feelings ?! It took a while for me to adjust as I thought he just wasn't into me but turns out he is, it can be confusing sometimes - anyone of you have a similar situation? rarely even get kisses at the end of my texts is it just a military thing!!? 

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