Is it too much to ask???

Honesly I feel like a walking litter picker.

I bought the flat I currently live in when I was single, I saved hard to put the deposit down and was really looking forward to a gorgeous pad with the trimmings- massive wardrobe, shoe cupboard, dressing table, big TV etc

I got together with my H just before the sale went through and we moved in together, his daughter came in tow part of the time. I was fine with this and made lots of comprimises, made my dressing room into a dressing room/bedroom for her with lots of lovely things. However, we have come to feel very very cramped here and we are tredding on each others toes constantly. My stepdaughter used to come for one night a week but now comes for long periods of time and is here more than 1/2 the time.

Kids make a lot of mess as I'm sure you know and therefore I never feel like I can go in my dressing room as there is always tons of stuff scattered all over the floor, I just grab a couple of clothes then leave again. Trouble is we have 2 bedrooms of a similar size, my stuff won't fit in our room so it has to go in hers, but our bed won't fit in the other room, which is too big for her by herself. If only we were to have one bigger room and one smaller room we could solve the problem! I would do anything for her to have her own bedroom so I can just shut the door on the mess and let her make mess to her hearts content without me complaining about it.

Trouble is I really want to start a family but we simply don't have space, and I feel angry that my life seems to be on hold for a silly reason like this. I feel like I'm getting older, and I want to have a child of m own.

Sometimes I feel a bit peeved that I never got to have the dream house that I worked hard and saved for and I never got any time just for me. Not that I would change my H and step daughter for the world, but I sometimes feel like an outsider in my own home. Neither room is really mine, I sleep in with H and then all my things are in with stepdauther. I am constantly picking up after them, they leave rubbish all over the place, dirty dishes on the tables/floor, never shut doors or drawers behind them. I feel like I have 2 full time jobs and one of them is just to follow them around and tidy up after them! I wish I could relax a bit more in my spare time and do something for me.

Sorry for the rant ladies.


  • Not ideal but is there any way to put a partitian wall in the 2nd room? you'll have two small rooms but at least you'll have a clear divide- either that or take up naturism : )- is there anything you can do with clever storage ?
  • LizzyAukLizzyAuk Posts: 509
    Aww hun that sucks!I haven't been in that situation although H2Bs friend is currently living with us for a bit and I too feel as though I am constantly tidying up!Can you have a word with your husband?
  • you could threaten to draw up a rota for the cleaning thing!! How old is your Step-daughter?
  • Haven't been in this situation, but i can understand where you're coming from, bless ya..

    Have you spoken to H about how your feeling and the thought of TTC in the near future?

    Is moving into a larger home an option now (now perfect timing with the current position, but still an option)

    ((big hugs))x
  • I feel for you i really do, it must really get on top of you! Like Lizzy says have you spoken to husband about it? is there any possible way that you could move in the near future? now your living with H maybe you can afford a bigger mortgage, or at least start saving and have something to 'work towards' to keep you a little bit sane? xx
  • to answer your question, no its not to much to ask! have a word in the hubby's ear and ask him to pull his weight a little.

    as with your step daughter, how old is she? i think children are never to young to help tidy up, i dont mean chours of their own, but my little girl loves helping me clean. i ask her to help me tidy her toys then she'll get a treat ie a story or we'll have a dance, something she'll enjoy! she loves it.
  • littlewulflittlewulf Posts: 2,061
    Have a word with your husband about their mess!

    I personally would try and make do with what you have. you say you want a family, and that her room is too big for her by herself- have a baby!!!

  • Hi Kaytee!

    I could have written that myself! Just need to substitute Step Daughter for 6year old Step son.

    2 months ago I gave in and changed my spare room into a complete kid's room and my dressing table is now in my living room! ( I have a plastic crate underneath it full of perfume, make up and jewellery boxes) To be honest, my SS is always asking to take my stuff back to his mum's because he thinks she will like it will think it is pretty. I know he wouldn't steal anything but thought it best to remove my things from temptation. Now feel like my living room has been compromised though.

    Both bedrooms are same size but we have a kingsize bed in ours and can't fit anything else except bedside cabinets and chest of drawers.

    I have exactly same thoughts as you about constant tidying, being unable to fully relax in "my space" and what does it all mean for future.

    Please PM me anytime you need to let off steam or find an understanding ear!

  • XTinksXXTinksX Posts: 568
    Thankyou so much girls I really thought you were all just going to tell me I was being selfish.

    Stepdaughter is 6 nearly 7. The room isn't really suitable for dividing into 2.

    I would do anything to move and we prob could have done 6 months ago, which H is now blaming me for, but you can never see what the future holds and I just never got round to putting it on the market. now we are in negative equity. I am really shocked as it is my first place and I never imagined it would lose value. I put down a 10% deposit which would be lost if we sold now, and I worry that if we wait any longer then it won't be worth the mortgage and we will be stuck here for years waiting for the property market to recover. We can't sell up and move now as the only money we have is the deposit in the flat and we have nothing to put down on a bigger place.

    The plan was always to have moved on by this stage so we can get a dog and start a family and I really feel like my life has been put on hold. I cannot bear the thought of riding out the recession and being 2 years older before we can think about moving and having a baby, but I really don't see what we can do?
  • loads of my friends had to share their rooms with their siblings! If you have a baby it'll be a while before you need lots more space (except for all the kit and caboodal) think of it this way 2 years = a few months TTC (on average) 9 months pregnant and 12 months of baby and Step-daughter room sharing then the recession in over : )
  • Flippin recession! The timings don't sound too bad laid out like that though?

    Have to admit life has thrown me a curve ball and I found out I was pregnant last week (very early days and was due to start infertility treatment after the wedding) so everyone has been totally thrown into chaos! Trying to stay calm and not get into logistics just yet, enjoy Festive period and run up to wedding but am an emotional loon! Ah well,

    I find a lot of support with the stepmum thing at another site called childless stepmums. Highly reccommend it!
  • XTinksXXTinksX Posts: 568
    Michreynolds thankyou, you are always optimistic. Sounds alright set out like that is, but my H won't be convinced that any addition to the family is a good idea while we are living in this box!

    Mrs Doig congratulations, that is so beautiful I am so jealous!! Especially if you were needing infertility treatment, you must be so pleased. Do you mind me asking about it? How long had you been trying for, what was the problem and were you worried about how you might have potentially felt being a 'childless stepmum'? Sorry if its personal, its just an issue quite close to home for me. I'm really paranoid about my fertility and that I might 'miss the boat'. Thankyou for the website recommendation, will take a look. xx
  • Hi no problem ask away! We've got SS here just now so will drop you an email tomorrow when I've got a bit more time and privacy!
  • XTinksXXTinksX Posts: 568
    Mrs Doig that website is excellent, waiting for my membership o be authorised but feel very relieved to know I will be able to seek support from others in the same position who know what it feels like to be a stepmum.

    I've just been reading the articles and they are so close to home.
  • ladyblueukladyblueuk Posts: 1,227
    just read this and it does seem akward.

    we are in the same position with space. we have 2 bedrooms and an attic room but that just isn't suitable as a bedroom. so we have one room and my son has the other.

    well now baby #2 is on the way and all i can think is atleast we have 9 months then 6 months of baby in with us before we need to find an extra room! the nursery is tiny and there is no way 2 kids would fit in!

    we were like you ready to sell our house but everything has slowed down- there are loads of houses for sale doen our road and none have sold!

    and don't get me on picking upother peoples mess- as you say its a 2nd full time job!
  • Hi Kaytee

    Thought you would find the website useful! It's stopped me going mad I can tell you. Girls on the forum are fab too.

    If you PM me I'll email you back all about my history etc. No problem answering but a bit too personal in bits for on here
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