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Holiday before the wedding - am I being dramatic?

Hi Ladies

I've just received an email from my MOH saying that she has booked a holiday for her and her husband - the best man - and that it has just been confirmed that they don't land back in the UK until 6pm on the evening before the wedding.

I feel a bit gutted about this - they absolutely deserve to go on holiday as they have been saving hard for ages but but what about if the plane is delayed, there is a strike or any other reason so that they don't make it back in time for the wedding?

I was really looking forward to having her there the day and the weekend before to help me decorate the venue and get the last little bits and pieces sorted out but now I have no-one.

I cant even answer her message cos I feel a bit miffed off - any suggestions?


  • I am sure they'll be back in plenty of time, don't worry. I can why you want her there in the run up, don't you have other people you can ask?

    If I were you I'd just send a reply saying you'll miss her in the days beforehand, but you hope she has a nice time and makes it back for the big day.

    It doesn;t do to fall out with your nearest and dearest and telling her you're upset might do that.
  • I have to confess that I would have a bridezilla moment if my MOH booked a holiday which meant she wouldn't get back until 6 hours before my wedding day began. To me, being the Maid of Honour involves supporting the bride around the wedding as well as on the wedding day.

    I'm hoping to have some sort of close family/rehearsal dinner the night before with the wedding party and a recovery breakfast the day after with extended family and (again) the wedding party. I want my maid of honour (and bridesmaids, if applicable) to be there with me every step of the way and would seriously be considering the extent to which they would be capable of that if they were on holiday until a few hours before the ceremony.
  • i wouldnt worry. the majority of my friends live abroad and all flew in either the evening before or even the day of the wedding. everybody got there perfectly on time. tell her youre concerned in a very nice way but if she still wants to go away on holiday then thats her decision. book yourself a massage or something for that day and just try to relax. xx
  • DH2DKDH2DK Posts: 410
    Yes I'd also throw a bridezilla moment - I realise that people can go on holiday when they want, blah blah, but I think this a bit close to the mark - getting back the evening before and missing out on all the preliminaries?

    I'd be furious!! But I think you have to handle it carefully so that it doesn't affect your day.
  • A little.. But I do understand your concerns.

    Has your MoH helped you much so far with wedding prep or has she not really been interested so much?
  • Urgh. The phrase 'Bridezilla' is an excuse for a lot of selfish behaviour if you ask me. Just because it has a name now doesn't make it ok.

    The Op has a right to be worried and I don't mean that SHE is a bridezilla, as I don;t think she sounds like one at all. I just think some people are too ready to spit the dummy when things don't go their way.
  • Hi Ladies

    Thanks for all your replies.

    I have replied to my friend and let her know that I am a bit gutted about not having her there but understand that she deserves a holiday with her hubby. She has been fab so far and I know she will continue to be.

    My biggest worry is that her of her husband - the best man not being there for the church rehearsal and therefore not knowing the running order at the chruch and my MOH is also doing a reading.

    I dont really have a huge network where I live to help out but I'm sure we'll be fine.

  • You will be just fine. My husband's best man wasn't there for our (catholic) church rehearsal and as long as your h2b fills him in, you're fine. Ditto your MOH for her reading. Our priest didn't need them all there, he said. The rehearsal was so we were prepared, that's all. You'll make it work, I know x
  • july2011july2011 Posts: 817
    I presume there is some reason why she can't get away at any other time? Just trying to see it from her point of view.

    But I would feel the same, and H2B would feel the same, he would need his best drinking partner the night before!

    Anyway, it's booked now, so there is nothing you can do, even if you tell her you're upset it won't do any good.
  • Cantblinkinwait - Yes, it is a name for selfish behaviour, but isn't two of the main members of the wedding party choosing to go away the week before the wedding also deeply selfish?
  • Maybe, Special Sundae. Not in my opinion. The OP has already said they've been great so far, so I don;t think they sound like 'deeply selfish' people. Maybe we shouldn't expect our friends to put their lives on hold for our wedding, maybe them being there on the day is enough, Maybe they have their own reasons for booking the holiday then. I wouldn't like to presume. I think people bandy around the phrase 'Bridezilla' in a 'humourous' way - although I don't find it funny.

    Again, my response is not aimed at the OP, it is more general.
  • Em22UKEm22UK Posts: 206
    I have a similar story.. As i have been with my partner for 7 years myself and 2 best mates have always talked about the day i get married. One friend said "ill be MOH as i dont like kids and the other friend can be god mother (when i have them) it was never really agreed and me and other friend just went along with it.

    Then i got engaged (Nov 09) and she brought it up again. My other friend was fine so just let her get on with it. So she goes on holiday in Feb 10 and decides she loves the carribean so much that she wants to work on a yacht. Fair play.

    Soon after she says "i think mate 2 is feeling left out so you should ask her to be joint MOH" By this point the only thing we had booked was the venue and both had been dress shopping with me. Nothing had been done for m2 to feel left out and i asked her out right. She wasnt feeling left out at all. My friend just knew she was going to be up and leaving me and felt awful for making such a song and dance about being MOH in the first place

    So, i have no issue with this and her sabbatical started on 1st Sept. I asked what her plans were regarding coming back for dress fitting and hen do. She assures me she will comg back beg May (wedding on 28th, hen do on 12th) I know her dress will need alterations as she is fairly short

    Now she says she has no idea when she will be back and doesnt reassure me about anything. Just a "dont worry". I asked her last week to pay the £23 deposit for my hen do and she wont cough up. Says she needs all the money she can to live at the mo (she is in France trying to get boat work) Again, i totally understand this but there was no "can you lend me the money" her email said " dont book me on for now"

    I go on FB the next day and shes writting status updates about going out on a friday night. I do feel she could sacrifice her night out to secure her place on my hen do. She knew about my hen do weeks ago and could of kept £23 by. To make that more annoying, ive given her £50.00 to buy shoes while she is away she she didnt offer to use this which suggests she has spent that money

    I think ive gone off the main thread now (sorry) but thought i should throw my story in here

    Am i being selfish wanting at least a little bit of commitment from my friend
  • I can definately understand your concerns. I'd have been worried that they might have been delayed and not made it on time to the do get delayed often.

    I'm surprised that they cut it so fine...and didn't arrange to fly back a few days before the wedding. With 365 days in a year...why choose that particular time, knowing it is your wedding and that they have key roles?

    Don't understand it!
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