Sister got married today and no-one was invited

My mum has just informed me that my sister got married in Gretna Green this afternoon and I feel cheated. I know the decision was hers, but I just feel sad that she was not able to share the experience with her family. I don't feel like I want to congratulate her. I can't bring myself to call.

Posts

  • BiffsWifeBiffsWife Posts: 820
    My aunty did this and my mum was devastated - she completely respected the fact that it was her wedding day, her choice, but she felt really hurt that her sister didnt feel she could confide in her, and didnt want her there on her special day.



    Why dont you take tonight to sleep on it, and give her a call in the morning xx
  • chezza2005chezza2005 Posts: 1,053
    I agree, I would sleep on it before you speak to her or you might say something you regret!



    But I totally understand how you feel, it must have been a horrible shock... I know it would have been for me if my sister had done it!

  • kelmistykelmisty Posts: 860
    image Did she have a reason?
  • rachael737rachael737 Posts: 100
    Wow, i can understand why you are upset - I would be really upset if my brother got married without telling me.

    I know that it is each to their own, and she may well have had her reasons but i couldn't get married without my family there. To some people though, getting married is all about them and their partner, and they don't want the worry about organising a wedding to take away from that.



    I agree with the other posters - maybe sleep on it if you are still very upset. The last thing you want to do is say something you'll regret and have a big falling out.



    Rachael x
  • NowMrsT62011NowMrsT62011 Posts: 2,583
    Like others have said, I guess she had her reasons but such a shame you weren't there with her. I'd be very upset too in your position.
  • SheraleighdSheraleighd Posts: 1,336
    Definitely give her a call in the morning chick as my aunty did the same to my mum (although a bit worse as she phoned to tell my ma that she was getting married, her 2nd marriage, but was only inviting a few close friends and family) I wasn't aware that there was anyone closer than your blood sister and 2 nieces! Anyway they fell out for the best part of a decade because neither would call and talk it out with the other.

    It's hurtful, but your sis obviously had her reasons.



    Maybe you could insist on a big ol' family reception do by way of compensating for you &others having missed out on the actual ceremony?



    Gutting though



    xXx
  • NowMrsMackNowMrsMack Posts: 2,536
    Omg thats terrible! I'd be really hurt if that was me! My grandad married his second wife without telling his daughter (my mum) and they had underlying issues after that which was really sad!



    But can't agree more with the other posters- call go the morning when the feelings aren't as raw!
  • MrsH1984MrsH1984 Posts: 553
    I would be devestated too if this was my sister,

    I say sleep on it aswell,

    I guess your mum wasn't invited either she must feel the same still congrats to your sister x
  • My sister did this!!



    We were all invited to go round for my mums birthday on a Sunday, when we had been there for a bit, my mum & sister came down stairs holding a cake.. thought nothing of it, then sister's (Husband) stood up, and the announced that they had got married on the Friday afternoon.



    They had got all the photos to show us!



    if was a MASSIVE shock! and took me a few mins for it to sink it.



    But my sister was marry her husband, not me! if that is how they want to do, then I am happy that they are happy!!



    You should be grateful that your sisters is happy and she had the day she wanted!! image
  • LilleaukLilleauk Posts: 370
    I would absolutely hate this. But as hard as it is, don't let it drive a wedge between you. She must have felt very strongly about it to have taken a decision like this, and ultimately a wedding is a personal thing and everyone has different ideas about how they want to do it.



    Try to be happy for her, and don't rain on her parade by making her feel bad about it. When the excitement has worn off for her you should broach the subject, but give her some time to enjoy newly wedded bliss first because aren't weddings all about the bride and groom first and foremost?



    Plaster on a smile and congratulate her - even if it's not sincere yet. Do it because you love her and her happiness is more important to you than the way she chose to become a Mrs.
  • HappyMrsHHappyMrsH Posts: 336
    As someone who is considering Gretna, don't be too hard on your sister! Marriage is different things and to different people and planning a wedding is very stressful and very expensive. If you invite some and not others you risk upsetting people and they maybe just wanted no fuss, just a special moment for the two of them. At the end of the day, it's just one day. Be happy for her and maybe you could suggest throwing a party for them. I'm sure she had her reasons and it sounds like you are quite close - she won't want you to be upset. x
  • HelenBPHelenBP Posts: 395
    Constantinou2b, this may not be what you want to hear....but good on your sister!!!



    She did exactly what she wanted to do and didn't get drawn into to whole wedding thing of pleasing everyone else - like so many of us do!



    Marriage is about two people, and two people only. Husband and wife. You should be happy for her.



    I wish I had the courage your sister has!



  • mrsrhmrsrh Posts: 433
    I'm half and half about it - i can see why you're gutted about it, i would be too, but having recently been a bride and having heard other people's stories - i don't think she can be blamed for doing something that they wanted without all the pressure and fuss that can happen with weddings. I would guess also that if people had been told, even at the last moment, that maybe people would've tried to talk her out of it or even try to turn up uninvited?



    If you don't feel able to call just yet, how about a text? Short and sweet, 'Congratulations! Hope you had a fab time, would love to see the pics when you get back, can't believe you kept that one quiet - what a shocker !! lol'.

    image
  • ak2910ak2910 Posts: 137
    Hi

    My sister did this and much as I would have liked to be there, it was her day and her way .

    Not everyone wants a big day, likes organising or being the centre of attention.

    I realise you are upset and I was too, especially for my parents who knew nothing but it was about my sister not ME and I had to respect her decision.

    I hope it does not come between you like so many of these threads seem to say, life is too short, give yourself time ot breath and maybe celebrate in a way your sister wants
  • DuddersDudders Posts: 1,659
    Doing your own thing is fair enough - but what about the people left behind? I think the biggest issue is the not sharing the information at the very least. If someone told me it was what they wanted and then went and did it, it wouldn't be such an issue. I've seen what this does to people - my sister's oh parents are absolutely gutted. Their only daughter called them up one day and said oh by the way we got married two weeks ago - at the registry office 20 minutes from your house. How devastated would you be? Now I respect her choice, buy I don't respect her for the way she has treated her parents.
  • Thank you for your thoughts. I really appreciate all your comments.



    Mine and my sister's lives are very different. I have the career and had the big wedding, whereas she has two children and money is tight. I know she just wanted to be married and have the same surname as the children. So I do understand to some degree why Gretna was a good idea. But there are other cheap options where family could have got involved.



    I'm still feeling very hurt and haven't spoken to her for this reason. I am the sort of person to say what I think and I don't want to upset her. She did leave a message on my answer machine and I have sent a card, but I'm still unable to really congratulate her.



    XXXX
  • EMKETEMKET Posts: 133
    I think this is a tricky one and I see it from both sides. Me and H2B were due to get married with a 'traditional' wedding in April just gone. We ended up having so many issues (basically my parents paying for wedding, his family moaning about having to pay for their own hotel rooms) that we ended up cancelling wedding and even split up for a few weeks over it. When we did get back together we looked at running away to Gretna Green on our own, not telling anyone just so we didnt have to go through the issues we did last time (as if we told people this is what we wanted my family would have turned up without a doubt and his family would have moaned about trecking it all the way to Scotland!). We have since decided to go back to a 'traditional' wedding and those that can be bothered to be there will be there with no moaning.



    A bit long winded I know but just wanted to give an example (not necessarily your sisters reason) of why people may choose to make such 'rash' decisions like this.



    Although I considered it I would be gutted is one of my 3 sisters got married and I wasnt there but hopefully you can accept she had her reasons and not let it get between you.



    xxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,787
    We have always expected my brother to do this, and I still think he will if he decides to marry his fiance of 12 years.



    It will be hurtful for you but no matter what people decide on some people are hurt, my cousin got married abroad and while she invited my Nan and others they were not able to go due to health, it was worse for them in some ways knowing she was arranging something they could not go to.



    Be happy for her, it must have taken a lot to do this and not confirm to what was expected of her. Suggest a meal or something to celebrate
  • HelenBPHelenBP Posts: 395
    Constantinou2, marriage it about TWO people promising to spend the rest of their lives together.



    It's not about pleasing everyone else!!



    If I eloped and my sister acting the way you are acting, I would just totally ignore her as I would think her behaviour is unacceptable, childish and selfish.



    Stop making this about you. It's about your sister and her husband.
  • Thank you HelenBP, I totally agree with you image
  • The amount of comments on these forums from people who are moaning about families sticking their noses into their wedding planning is amazing, so I can completely understand why someone would decide to run off to Gretna and do what your sister has done!



    I think you need to deal with the fact that you're hurt and then ring your sister and say congratulations. It's not about you, it's about her and her husbands decision and you have to respect that. Presumably if you're so gutted about missing her wedding then you're close enough to her to not want to fall out, so the best thing would be to put it behind you and get in touch with her. Unless you're just gutted to have missed a party of course!
  • Michael86Michael86 Posts: 2

    Hi, im 17 years old and just found out my sister got married to a guy I don't even know yet. He seems cool though, reminds me of johnny Depp. She lives in New York and I'm in Michigan so I understand it'd be difficult but I'm her twin (not really) but I'm just sad, please send help ladies, I feel trapped. XOXO

  • Michael86Michael86 Posts: 2

    Please help

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    To op-  i completely understand how hurt you are feeling.   I would not ring her, is there anyway you can go round and have a face to face chat if not, ring.    i have 4 sisters some closer to me emotionally than others and some closer in blood to.  I love them all but i would scream at them if they did this.  My nephew ran away and married in new york didnt even take his mum but all his friends went and all her family went, we still are really upset at him.  

    ine of my sisters , my only full blood sister is not coming to my wedding, shes on a day out with mates.  Im still very hurt because i love her and want her with me!  

     

    Families can be really hurtful and we do have to try and bite our lips,   However,  i think people should be allowed to show their anger to have a rant to be allowed to say im hurting and that they have to own and except their decision has hurt family their nearest and dearest!    Ive ranted at my sister and she has owned her behaviour towards me and said sorry!!    

     

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    You've just got to remember that this was her day and if she wanted to do it 'just him and her' then unfortunately you need to respect that.

    Just think they 'they didn't do this intention ly to upset people, it wasn't their aim'.

    They had their reasons.

    Me and my fiance keep saying that we should just elope.... Get rid of all the stress etc but the only things stopping us is that the mums are excited and have bought their outfits.

    They had obviously thought about it a lot and if they would have mentioned the idea to someone..... Well they would have tried to talk them out of it or blabbed and it would have got people's backs up even more than it has.

    You wouldn't want people interfering with your wedding choices and what you have planned.  You never know they might plan an evening do when they are back.

     

  • Midd2SturtonMidd2Sturton Posts: 320

    I do think it's important to say congrats when you're ready to but I also thing it's important to let her know that you feel hurt- but calmly. She might have a good reason but you won't know without speaking to her. I think letting her know is important because we all know what it's like I'm sure when you bottle a thought or feeling up without expressing it for too long. If you say it in the right way it will just show her how special the event was to you too and how much you love her.

    my mum and dad got married in secret nearly 30years ago, only telling 2 friends as witnesses. My grandparents still ask when they'll be invited to a wedding or party for it! It's all well and good saying that it's about the two people getting married but those parents have probably been looking forward to this day longer than the bride/groom themselves.

  • this is from 2011, where do these old threads keep coming from???

     

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Glad im not the only one who noticed the 2011 bit haha wonder how it managed to appear again?

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