H2B not interested

 

Hi guys,

I'm feeling so frustrated and a bit silly just now. My H2B and I have been together since we we 15/16 and he just proposed to me last May after 8 years together. I was delighted that we were now starting our adult lives together. I went through a phase of wanting to plan the wedding but thought I don't want to rush into doing it since it's not til 2016. We also planned on moving out of our parents houses which we did in April this year so that kept me occupied.

I'm the kind of person that needs some focus of something to plan, I love making lists and researching and organising things, so now 6 months in our house I'm feeling like I need to get started on this wedding planning. I really want to get the venue booked so that I can feel excited and start arranging but my H2B never wants to talk about the wedding at all. I feel like I'm constantly dropping little hints and mentioning things about the wedding just so that I can try and get a bit of conversation but he just ignores me. So when he finally does say something little about the wedding I jump at the opportunity to talk about it too and discuss booking it etc which results in him saying someone like "okay babe you've went on enough" which just puts me in a huff.

I've explained to him that once the venue is booked I'm happy to do most planning and organising and will just give him little tasks to do such as guest list kilts etc but when I mention booking it he just says he wants time to think about it. It's not like I want to get married this year! I want to get married in 2016! I'm now thinking is he just putting off this big commitment? He was exactly the same when we decided to move out - it was initially his idea to get the ball rolling but as soon as i was up for it he just backed off. I nagged him into finally going for a house because we kept bickering but I knew once we had moved in and had our own space he would love it - which he did.

Now he works most weekends so viewing venues, open days, wedding fayres etc have all been harder for him to come with me so I've just been going with my mum or MOH until I had narrowed places down. He had last weekend off so I convinced him to come to an open day at our chosen venue and he was smiling and taking photos of the set up and listening happily to the wedding co-ordinator so it was the same kind of thing i feel like he just needs a kick up the bum sometimes! When I spoke to him about it and told him it's making me feel like he doesn't want to get married he told me not to be silly he's the one that proposed and the pleasure is all his and that he just wants to take time to think. He said he is excited but I just overload him but I feel like I wouldn't bring it up so much if he would talk about it in the first place!

Im still no further forward in booking the venue though I just want to get sorted and he's so laid back I feel like if I leave him to decide in his own time I will never get an answer! (I obviously wouldn't book without his decision though)

 

Am I being too pushy or is he not ready or is this just to be expected of the male species image?

 

Posts

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    Maybe he doesn't realise how far in advance these things get booked up?  Do you think it would help if you found out availability from your preferred venue so that you could show him? So if you're after a weekend wedding and there's only like one saturday left in the month you were thinking of that might give him a kick up the bum or something?

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,533 New bride

    Yeah he totally doesn't get it! 

    Well I did find out and theres 3 Saturdays left in the month we chose. I don't think he would even bother if there was only 1 Saturday left. He was the same when we were looking for houses the house we are in now was a lucky find ticked all our boxes but he was still laid back about it making me feel like I was nagging him even though I explained to him there's some things you can't just wait about for coz other people get there first. How is your H2B with the whole planning input? 

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    We're married now image He was good with the big things (venue, date, suits) although did pretty much just tell me to do whatever I wanted.  I went to look at venues with my mum first because he works away, and then just took him back to my favourite two.  With all the other little details though he'd try to be interested but it never lasted long lol.  The wedding did almost get called off when he complained after sealing two envelopes for the invitations that it was boring and time consuming and stupid, after I'd spent weeks making the invitations with no help from him though... image

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,533 New bride

    Ah that's good Congratulations! I'm sure he will be more interested and helpful once we get started, I just have to get over this hurdle of booking the venue! I don't mind doing most things myself coz I enjoy it and he just likes to go with the flow. I suppose we balance each other out! image Did u do much DIY? I intend to do as much as possible image

  • BeckyPBeckyP Posts: 178

    My H2B is exactly the same. Not interested at all and infact seems a little annoyed by the whole thing. If I ask him his opinion on things he sees as insignigficant like ceneterpieces, he doesn't care and acts like I'm asking him for the world! 

    I've spoken to him about it and I think it's just his male ego ot letting him get excited about something that he thinks of as a womans thing! He does get excited about it when he's been drinking and a bit more disinhibited coming up with loads of ideas and saying how much he can't wait, dancing around the hosue to "audition" potential first dance songs lol. Then he sobers up and remebers he's a man and isnt allowed to get exctied for his wedding!!! So frustrating! but I've kind of just accepted it now.

    He is getting better as the date gets closer, more willing to engage in actual wedding conversation! I think he just thought he had all the itme in the world, but us girls know how much ard work and planning goes into these things.

    I hope your guy gets betetr as time goes by as well, which I'm sure hewill. I think a lot of men just wanna get married and have a nice day, but arent interested in planning!

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    It seemed like I did a lot of DIY, until I boxed it all up to take to the venue and it was like nothing lol.  I pretty much just did the stationery really - invites, table plan, table names, favours.  Oh and confetti...my advice to you? Just buy confetti.

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,533 New bride

    Well funny you should say that - after sharing a bottle of wine last night I actually did get some conversation and ideas and he wasn't grumpy about it. I let him have his say and didn't "overload" him as he likes to call it. He told me "I am really excited, it's just a big thing" I tried to tell him that I want him to help with ideas so we can make it personal to us and so that he feels like his interests are used too. I mentioned using inspiration from his favourite football team or something and he listened. Funny thatimage

  • it doesn't come naturally to a man , all this planning about chair covers etc. I was stood outside a tumble down house last week asking some mad old man with an eBay shop where my box of jars was.  he looked at me like I had two heads until his son appeared with the goods.  

     

    Then I had to describe in detail what the tops were like over the phone to Sarah

    'they are just bloody tops' I said.

     

    then I thought to myself, what has this got to do with getting married ?

     

    so im sort of with your h2b. ...  A bit

  • Memza89x you are exactly like me in the planning sense! If something is happening i have to be planning it! And my fiance is just like yours.. not interested in the slightest or at least he wasnt until recently, i think its because ours is only 10mths away now and things need to be done. 

    Im sure he'll get more involved nearer to the time.. as for the venue, drag him along to a viewing and see if that gets him interested! Lol x

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