any advice how to sack a bridesmaid

Hi any advice would be greatly appreciated. How to sack my BFF as bridesmaid. I have been best friends with my bridesmaid since we were 13 however since asking her to be bridesmaid we have simply grew apart. For example when we went looking for my dress all she was bothered about was texting her bf to see when they would get engaged. I don't hear from her. I had a death in the family someone very close to me where was she no where to be seen.

I then chose a dress when she wasn't with me and asked her if she wanted to come with me for the fitting. She sacked me off the morning of going because she was at her Christmas party the night before.

I say to her we need to meet up arrange something including her partner I never hear from her. But is happy to go away to a couple they met on holiday. I am now finding the whole thing stressful.  My wedding is in July she has paid for the hen do and I have her dress and shoes but I am really not willing to spend another penny on her hair makeup gift night at venue before. 

Sorry about the long message but any advice would be appreciated my wedding is in July

Thank you

 

 

Posts

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 272 New bride

    Rather than sack her give her the option of pulling out. Just say it seems like your heart's not really in it and you've got other things going on, I'll understand if you don't want to do it any more.

  • B23B23 Posts: 169

    Agree with the above. If you go down the sacking her route you have to be prepared for her to not come to the wedding at all.

     

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  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,352 New bride

    When I was planning my wedding there was a poster on here who always comment the same on posts like this. I think it was Chompbride or something like that. Anyway, it was good advice so I hope she wont mind if I give it.

    You cannot sack a bridesmaid, it is not a job. The only thing a bridesmaid is required to do is show up on the day you tell her at the time you tell her in the dress you tell her. Anything else is a nice bonus.

    Your wedding is the most important thing to you but it is not the most important thing to anyone else. If you want her to be more involved you need to calmly set out some expectations.

    TBH it sounds like she is finding you getting married and her not a bit tough, but she will get over that and you might need to be a bit sensitive to that as well and perhaps arrange some girly time that is not focused on weddings.

  • Speaking from someone who went through this really early in my engagement I know how you feel. My best friend for over 16 years pulled out of being my bridesmaid after only being engaged for 3 months. Some people just really find the change hard and unfortunately aren't able to celebrate you in your season of happiness. They probably can't help how they feel or even know that they're being this way but it doesn't stop it from hurting and questioning whether you were friends in the first place.

    Whilst I agree that your wedding day is the most important day for you and not necessarily important to others, I truly believe that those who genuinely love you wouldn't put you through unnecessary stress and pressure on what should be a really enjoyable and memorable experience. 

    Love always wins but I don't also agree that you should allow it to steal from the real joy that you are going to be married to the love of your life. Some friendships last forever and I'm sure after the wedding things will go back to normal and she may even regret her behaviour. For now find out where she is mentally. Ask her whether she still wants to be apart of your bridal party, that you'd love to meet up to make sure her dress is perfect t for her. You will soon be confronted with the truth.

    All the best and don't stress. On the day nothing else will matter but those who want to be there for you and support you and of course your new husband x

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