Will the big day be an anti-climax?

My H2B is always trying to calm me down when I get over-excited about planning our big day. He thinks that I shouldn't be putting pressure on myself by expecting "the most wonderful day of my life", because, in his view, the "best" days are seldom those that are planned to perfection, but tend to happen by accident. While he is no doubt that our big day will be the most important day of his life, and while we both expect to have a great time, he thinks that I'll be too stressed about the details, and that he'll be too worried about saying his vows out loud (he's German and is worried that his English will slip up in front of everyone, and on camera!!) to be able to really sit back and say "this is the BEST day EVER".

I used to think that H2B was being a party pooper, but then a friend of mine got married two weeks ago, and at the end of the evening reception, she came to me and said, "I've been planning this day for a year and so many times I imagined what it would feel like to walk down the aisle and say my vows, but in actual fact, it was all a bit of a blur when it happened. I've been told that I'm now married but somehow I feel so detached from it all".

I've been helping my friend to plan her wedding for the past year and, yes, it did seem strange that the event that had consumed her every waking moment since the night she got engaged was ultimately 8 hours of a day that started and ended like any other. I'm not saying that she didn't have a fantastic time (the wedding was fab), but I'm sure she spent most of the day wondering if it was all really happening, and didn't have a chance (between hairdresser's appointments, last-minute organising and being on edge all day that something might go wrong) to sit down and take it all in.

Does anyone else think that they'll feel the same on their big day? I don't mean that they are expecting an anti-climax in the sense of a disappointment, but that they fully expect to be in a bit of a daze, and maybe not to feel as elated and overwhelmed as they think that they "should" on their wedding day?


  • I thought I would commit my whole day to memory bu it turned out to just be a massive blur, it went far too quickly and all I have to remember the day are my photo's. One thing I know though was I had the absolute time of my life and so did everyone else who went. It doesn't matter how big or spectacular your day is I think there is always an element of anticlimax and thats simply because if you spend months or possibly even years planning one day you are going to build it up in your mind and it will never quite be what you expect, all I know is I was truly blissfully happy on my wedding day BUT it wasn't what I had built it up to be in my mind. I do feel a bit empty now it's over, like even though I have a full time job, I have nothing to do because planning the wedding took up so much of my life!
  • banana_jambanana_jam Posts: 2,215
    Wow, what an interesting post - I can't believe it's only had one reply!

    I was worried about this myself, as I often enjoy looking forward to things more than I enjoy the thing I'm looking forward to (I always prefer Christmas Eve to Christmas Day!). But it absolutely didn't feel like an anti-climax at all, not in a million years, and it wasn't remotely blurry - I remember everything really, really clearly.

    However, I am not a planner, and my wedding was no exception. I didn't want to plan everything with military precision because I'm not like that, so I didn't. For example, the day before I left a load of stuff at the reception venue and when they asked me what I wanted done with it I told them to use their imagination - so when I walked into the room it was as much a surprise for me as it was everyone else! I had a lot of ideas and I wasn't altogether sure whether they were going to work, so when it turned out that they did, to me that was even more fun than knowing everything was going to be great. I hadn't really thought about how I'd feel as I was walking up the aisle, saying my vows etc, so the feeling I did have (which was proper elation!) was a surprise to me too.

    Perhaps if you are a bit more laid-back about the planning, it's easier just to sit back and enjoy yourself on the day. I never even considered that anything might go wrong and I didn't feel responsible for everyone else having a good time (if you want to enjoy yourself at a wedding, you will), so I was just thinking how happy I was the whole time.

    There were bits I was a little worried about doing - my speech, and our first dance (we had one choreographed) - but I made a conscious decision not to let myself worry about them until just before they were about to happen, and anyway, I was too busy being happy to think about them too much! I think that is the crucial thing - to live every moment of your wedding in that moment, not thinking about what's just happened and not anticipating what's about to happen.

    I can kind of understand the feeling of detachment, but it's more a sense of it all being a little unreal (but in a kind of nice way!), and I had that before the wedding rather than during it: the night before I couldn't get my head around the idea that I was getting married the next day, but on the day itself I knew exactly what was happening!

    So I suppose I had the opposite in a way - I kept thinking to myself "it's only one day, how good can it possibly be?", and instead I really did have the most amazing day imaginable - more than I ever thought possible. :\)

  • claretweezeclaretweeze Posts: 1,613
    My day was like an outerbody experiance. Like I watched myself doing it! It was a blur, but an amazing one. Does feel odd not having anything to plan anymore though! Not an anti-climax, a fantastic memory.
  • HarrietPenguinHarrietPenguin Posts: 5,848
    I planned our day to the last detail over 18 months and it was not an anti-climax. The feeling I had the morning after was "oh.... we don't get to get married again.... but we ARE MARRIED" *big cheesy grin*

    The important things to remember are

    a) even if you have planned loads or very little - something will go wrong. It's usually the tiny things though so chill out about it and let it go. Bear in mind that probably only you and your Other Half know what it was meant to be like so it doesn't realy matter anyway.

    b) take little time outs all day. Like little mental photographs to keep in your mind forever. Leg it for 5 mins a few times to spend a bit of alone time with your new husband, look at the crowd from a distance or something - it's fab.

    c) enjoy yourself. There is no point organising a massive do (or any do) if you are then so stressed about other people enjoying it that you don't have a good time yourself.

    I loved getting married and once it was done I was like a kid on a rollercoaster ("again! again! wooooo!") but in no way was anything an anti-climax.

    5 days to my anniversary! wooooooooo!

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