Bridesmaids nightmare ;(

hi all, 

im new to the site but needed to find somewhere to rant and get unbiased opinions! 

I have ordered my 3 bridesmaids the most beautiful satin mermaid style dresses. Every one of them LOVE the style. 

They are however ordered from china so I ordered just one to start with to fit my sisters measurement. It came, it was perfect and we all agreed they were perfect for my wedding. SO, I put the measurements chart into the bridesmaids group chat and told them all to measure themselves and let me know what size they want. 

2 ordered perfectly...1 ordered 3 sizes to small, there is no chance she could loose weight to fit into this dress, she would have to remove her hips! 

As they are made to measure acording to the chart I can't exchange the dress, she hasn't offered to buy another one and im now stuck trying to sell this one dress to buy another. they have worked out to about £100 each, it isn't a huge amount but I just don't have the budget to buy another dress because of her mistake... am I Unreasonabl? 

Posts

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    Did she deliberately order it 3 sizes too small?

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,844 New bride

    I would offer to come round and measure her again to check the measurements she provided as 'it's hard to measure yourself and if we're going to order another we need to make sure it's right!'. Then if you find that the measurements the 2nd time around are very different to the first time I think you need to have a private chat with her about her paying for a 2nd dress or at least splitting the cost, as it was her fault. However if the measurements the 2nd time around were accurate or pretty close then it's not her fault- it's the dress supplier so she shouldn't have to pay for a second dress.

    I'm not saying it's your fault, but didn't the measurements/size requested she provided seem wrong when she told you? You know roughly what size she is compared to the other girls and what they ordered. Although I know it would have been very awkward to say 'are you sure you aren't bigger than that'! Is it possible she ordered down a few sizes on purpose because she wanted to lose weight, and didn't realise quite how small it would be?

  • GillP2GillP2 Posts: 332

    Carly68 do you mind me asking where you ordered from as I'm struggling to find styles I like here. thanks x

  • Carly68Carly68 Posts: 2

    Hi all, thanks for your replies. :)

    The bridesmaid with the wrong size didn't look at the sizes, she just assumed she would be a size ten In the dress, the other two measured themselves and ordered the correct size. To be honest she has put on a lot of weight in the last couple of months, when she gave me the size she wanted I thought she might loose weight to fit into the dress but has actually put on a lot more than when the dresses were ordered. It's so awkward, I don't want to upset her but have so much to pay for, I'm paying for their hair and makeup, got them gifts already, only asking them to choose their own shoes. They don't even need to match as you won't see the shoes anyway! 

    When the dresses came I did measure the dresses and girls again incase the dresses came up small, they don't though, they are very accurate to the chart. :( 

    Gillp2, the dresses were from lightinthebox.com, the quality is wonderful. 

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,844 New bride

    Ah I can see why that is awkward. Well if you gave them the size chart and asked them to check and she didn't then it's her own fault... but I agree it's going to be a very difficult subject to broach. I guess you'll just have to say to her that this is awkward, but you wish she had measured herself as you can't get a refund on the dress and it's not going to fit her. And you are really struggling with your wedding budget and you don't know if you will be able to afford another dress for her. And then most reasonable people would at least offer to help out with the cost if they were at fault?

    When is your wedding? If it's more than a couple of months away I would be wary of ordering the second dress for her as it sounds like she is changing size a lot.

  • MrsDee7MrsDee7 Posts: 272 New bride

    What a difficult situation for you to find yourself in, you have my sympathy!

    Given that it looks like this is actually her fault, but understanding that of course you don't want to upset her, what about having a chat with her and explaining that you don't have the budget to replace the dress but ask her how she would feel about going halves on it? 

  • TheLegacyofMrsMTheLegacyofMrsM Posts: 2,188 New bride

    Get her to take it to a seamstress and pay for alterations herself? Seems like a good compromise 

  • Rosegold017Rosegold017 Posts: 476

    Annoying! Could you give her the website and dress details and ask her to liaise with the company herself to ensure they get it right? That way it will seem more sensitive so that she doesn't have to share her measurements with everyone. Perhaps when you offer to reimburse her she might do the honourable thing and offer to go halves?

  • Rach371Rach371 Posts: 1,119 New bride

    That's really upsetting, for you and the bridesmaid. For my first wedding (7 years ago, i was a very very young bride!) ex sister in law put on A STONE between the final fitting and the wedding day. On my wedding day, she stormed into my room whilst i was getting ready and berated me in front of my other bridesmaids for buying her a dress that was too small!! The funny thing was, i didnt even want her as a bridesmaid but only did it to keep by ex husband happy!!

     

    Anyway... 

    If i were in your position now, I would sell the dress and then knock that cost of the price of a new dress (say you sell it for £30, you'd then have £70 left to pay for a new dress). Then i would tactfully suggest to your bridesmaid that you go halves on the difference. so you each pay £35. That way, neither of you are massively out of pocked. 

    ultimately, you need to buy a dress that fits and she needs to realise that she isn't the size she wants to be. it's her fault that you're in this position but i appreciate its a sensitive subject. Good luck, i feel your pain!x

  • PinguinPinguin Posts: 141

    firstly I wouldnt of spent £100 on a dress to begin with but I certainly wouldnt spend another £100 on a dress

    you gave her the size, its her fault so its her problem to fix - if it was a shop fault or you hadn't provided measurements etc... then I would be more sypathetic to her but you arent in the wrong and should be any more out of pocket

  • sugarmousesugarmouse Posts: 189

    Perhaps I'm more unreasonable than most but I don't think I would be paying another penny. I would give her the option of buying a new dress and she would have to cough up the full amount or she can step down as a bridesmaid. Failing that she could pay for it to be altered.

    If she had gotten the size slightly out, perhaps I would be a bit more understanding, but 3 sizes is just taking the mick.

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    It's her fault entirely... She should pay for the dress or simply step down

  • SpacepuffinSpacepuffin Posts: 664

    Tricky situation. I think I'd talk to the BM and ask what she thinks. Perhaps go to a seamstress together and see if having alterations is a possibility. If not, it's perfectly reasonable to explain that you can't afford to buy another dress so you could try selling the current one and ask her to stump up the difference or ask her to pay outright. If she's not willing or able, she may offer to step down.

    Alternatively, if you have the budget you could offer to go halves.

    To some extent, I guess it depends on how much the principle of this irks you, whether you can get the money together to sort it out yourself, how reasonable your BM is about it and how much you want to avoid conflict (and how much you are willing to, literally, pay for an quiet life!).

    If you do reorder the dress, I would insist on being there personally when the measurements are taken. Her vanity could work out costing you a lot of money otherwise.

    Good luck. X

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