Bridesmaid Regret

Hi all,

I am in need of some bridesmaid advice! 

After having drifted apart and not really spoken over the last couple of years, I decided not to ask one of my oldest friends to be bridesmaid.

When I recently met her (the first time in a year) she confronted me and asked why she wasn't and seemed really upset about it. I told her it was because we don't really see each other anymore to which she replied, 'but you're one of my oldest friends' and seemed genuinely in a state of shock.

I initally felt confident in my decision to not ask her but now I feel terribly guilty and I'm wondering whether (for the sake of what remains of our friendship) to ask her to be bridesmaid after all. I mean, it's just one extra dress in the grand scheme of things.

The problem is that now if I ask her, I'm worried that it wouldn't help the situation anyway as she would feel like an afterthought.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? I would really appreciate some advice! :)

Thanks!

Posts

  • Rosegold017Rosegold017 Posts: 476

    Nicola sorry that you are facing this dilemma. You know her well so this is just an objective opinion but I don't think she sounds like a good friend if she is bullying you into appointing her as BM. Especially if you have drifted apart over the last couple of years. I wouldn't dream of confronting someone over this! I say stick with your selection.

    You have to ask yourself why people want so desperately to do it - is it for you or for their own need for attention?

  • Becca87Becca87 Posts: 142

    Ultimately you have to have who you want on your wedding day, regardless of what she expected. If your first instinct wasn't to ask her then that's what I think you should trust. Don't let anyone guilt you into making any decisions, especially about your bridal party! You need to have people who are close to you, that put you first, to help you with the whole experience and she's clearly neither. If she's truly your friend she will respect your feelings on this. 

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    Don't just ask her because she's got upset and made you feel guilty because you haven't asked her.  If you were going to ask her, you would have done it straight away - without feeling pressured.

    Stick with your original decision.

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    If you have only seen her once in the last year I think you've made the right decision - it's not about how long you've been friends in my opinion. Don't be pressured into having her.

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    Dont ask her. My oldest friend always said Id be her maid of honour, but when she got engaged there was no mention of it. She asked her fiances sister to be a bridesmaid. I did wonder why she hadnt asked but would never have dreamed of having a tantrum over it, or even mentioning it. She did eventually ask me, I was maid of honour, and it was awful. She was the ultimate bridezilla and we now havent spoken in 4 years because the friendship, even though it was a good one before, was damaged beyond repair during the planning process. I deeply regretted being her bridesmaid every day and couldnt wait for the wedding to be over.

    So if thats what it can do to a good friendship then I wouldnt ask an old aquintance. Not saying youre going to be a bridezilla btw 😂 But you hear a lot of stories about friendships ending once a wedding is involved, so its not worth the bother with one thats all but over anyway.

  • Nicola329Nicola329 Posts: 2

    Thank you all for the advice! I really appreciate all of your comments.

    I think now some days have passed and the guilt has worn off, I am going to stick with my decision.

    Hopefully I won't be too much of a Bridezilla haha! I have a very relaxed hubby to be so hopefully he can keep me grounded! :)

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