Is this a no no?

MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

Our family has started fundraising 80k for an operation for my 3 year old cousin who has cerebral palsy.

Im hoping that the money will have been raised by christmas, but if not Id like to donate a good chunk of whatever cash gifts we might get to the fund.

As a guest, if you gave money would you be ok with that? Or would you rather it be kept for the couple. I know its a bit of a dodgy area.

Posts

  • The New Mrs WThe New Mrs W Posts: 185

    I think it's a lovely idea and as a guest I would love the fact that my money was going to a worthwhile cause. I also think guests might be more generous knowing that their money is going towards helping your little cousin.

    Hope all goes well for him/her.

  • Kelly224Kelly224 Posts: 962 New bride

    I'd be totally fine with it! Once you've given money or vouchers as a gift it's completely up to the couple to do what they like with it.  I think it's a lovely idea that you would rather support your family with any cash gifts than spend it on honeymoon etc.

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I think i would rather be asked up front if that's an option, maybe just ask people to donate in lieu of a gift? but considering the good cause i certainly wouldn't be offended, maybe (if it wouldn't be upsetting / too emotional) you could make an announcement in the speeches? in truth i think if you sent me a thank you card and explained that you were very grateful but felt that you wanted to give the money to your cousin i would think that was sweet and therefore couldn't be mad at you! i hope you manage to get the money together x 

     

     

  • Bims09Bims09 Posts: 238

    It's a lovely idea, perhaps just make it clear that the money may go towards this cause when you ask? I think people like to know what's happening to their cash, whether it's honeymoon or a very worthwhile cause like yours!

  • Jenni8Jenni8 Posts: 3,201

    I don't think anyone could be annoyed, but I definitely think it should be made clear prior to the wedding that this is what you intend to do, say half and half etc. Of course if it is a general cash donation to the couple then it is yours to do as you wish, but if people think it is for a honeymoon etc then they might be surprised to hear you have donated it to another cause (albeit a very worthy one of course).

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Well not annoyed but if i wanted to give to charity i would rather pick my own.  Umm i really dont know how i would feel which i guess means that it bothers me a little bit.  I did think of doing a charity thing for favours but decided against it. I suppose its a very personal thing and i would want to know it was being done i think.  

     

  • MrsBAMFMrsBAMF Posts: 217 New bride

    What a lovely idea.

    My best friend (and also MOH) has CP, so if she needed anything like that, I wouldn't think twice about it.

    I would make sure that the guests were aware that their money would be going towards your little cousin's op beforehand, but I don't see why anyone should have an objection to it!

    xXx

  • PinguinPinguin Posts: 141

    I dont give cash gift so this wouldnt apply but since its a very personal charity for family im sure friend would donate for you

    im normally not for 'charity' based favors and things or generic charities but as a gift would be for you im sure those giving cash or any who no your families struggles wouldnt mind donating

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017
    Katherine66 wrote (see post):

    Well not annoyed but if i wanted to give to charity i would rather pick my own.  Umm i really dont know how i would feel which i guess means that it bothers me a little bit.  I did think of doing a charity thing for favours but decided against it. I suppose its a very personal thing and i would want to know it was being done i think.  

     

    Its not a charity, its an operation that is recommended and performed regularly by alder hey, but sadly isnt funded by the nhs. Without it he will become wheelchair bound.

    I know some people dont like donations to charity because as you said they like to choose who to support, but this is purely to pay for one little boys operation and physio, no charities would benefit from it.

    I hope our friends wouldnt mind, weve all chipped in on 2 seperate occassions in the past when friends little children have been diagnosed with cancer. This is a bit different as hes not actually my child but Im sure they at least wouldnt mind, I guess its more other branches of relatives who Im worried would be uppity over it.

  • Rach371Rach371 Posts: 1,099 New bride
    MrsJ2017 wrote (see post):

    Our family has started fundraising 80k for an operation for my 3 year old cousin who has cerebral palsy.

    Im hoping that the money will have been raised by christmas, but if not Id like to donate a good chunk of whatever cash gifts we might get to the fund.

    As a guest, if you gave money would you be ok with that? Or would you rather it be kept for the couple. I know its a bit of a dodgy area.

    I think it's a lovely idea. I would be inclined to put something in your invite (if you've not already sent them) saying that that is your intention and that cheques should be made to etc etc. Alternatively, if there's a just giving page maybe you could put the link?

    I would have no problem as a guest in donating the money. 

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017
    Rachel371 wrote (see post):
    MrsJ2017 wrote (see post):

    Our family has started fundraising 80k for an operation for my 3 year old cousin who has cerebral palsy.

    Im hoping that the money will have been raised by christmas, but if not Id like to donate a good chunk of whatever cash gifts we might get to the fund.

    As a guest, if you gave money would you be ok with that? Or would you rather it be kept for the couple. I know its a bit of a dodgy area.

    I think it's a lovely idea. I would be inclined to put something in your invite (if you've not already sent them) saying that that is your intention and that cheques should be made to etc etc. Alternatively, if there's a just giving page maybe you could put the link?

    I would have no problem as a guest in donating the money. 

    I havent sent the invites yet no, but I was thinking and I dont think I would put anything on them. Partly because its still a while off and hopefully the money will have been raised by then, in which case the fund will no longer be running. But also because h2b is very against asking for anything and doesnt want people feeling like they have to give anything.

    Tbh though were only having immediate family and close friends to the day so itd be easy enough to ask them themselves how theyd feel about it if the funds havent been raised nearer the time.

    Its a tricky one to know how to approach.

  • Lucy266Lucy266 Posts: 176

    Ultimately if you get a gift of cash, it's yours to decide how to spend. If you don't specify how you'll spend the money, I think you're fine.

  • Cake18Cake18 Posts: 93

    I don't think it's an issue at all. I don't think anyone gives a gift with a clause for it to be a spent a certain way.

    What if you put 'for honeymoon' then something happens and you can't go in your honeymoon? Do you have to justify it? Or you randomly win £20k for a honeymoon/ultimate honeymoon prize and don't need the money for it so decided to use it for something else?

    Ultimately, it's your gift and you can do what you want with it and it's ridiculous for anyone to question it really. It's not like a gift is mandatory.

    Hope the money is raised soon x

  • RosieC18RosieC18 Posts: 158

    It’s fairly common to do charity donations in lieu of favours now. If the money hasn’t been raised before your Wedding, could you do something similar? If one of your family members is giving a speech they might mention your cousin and indicate (in a very subtle and non-presumptive) way that you’ll continue to do what you can to support him.

    As earlier posters have indicated, I think once a gift has been given it’s really up to the recipient to decide how to use it. Many people choose not to explicitly ask for cash gifts and therefore don’t mention what it’d go towards (i.e.: honeymoon, new bathroom) and in those cases I’m sure they’re not held accountable for how they spend any cash generously gifted.

    I for one would be delighted my gift had gone to such a good cause.

    I wish your little cousin all the very best – good luck with your fundraising!! xoxo

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Sorry my mistake op!  Then yes i think that would be fine like orhers have said once cash is given its up to you how to spend it:).  I wish him all the best.   It is hard how the nhs have to choose between who gets funds but i hope he gets his op!!  Xx

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