Hen issue

Hi there first of all I am make and due to marry soon after a year engagement. 

I have a concern I could do with help on. My wife to be went on her hen weekend and I have since found out she bumped into stag parties. As alcohol flowed lots of photos have surfaced with different groups all friendly and she has arms around several. Should this concern me as I'm worried sick. She says all innocent but agrees she should not put arms around people. She got rather drunk what if other things happened? 

This all comes from last year she went out and didn't appear till 5am and had been at a blokes house with one of her friends talking. I wasn't happy no text at happened and was assured this weekend above wouldn't be drunken but was. Her friends planned it 

Posts

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I think you either need to learm to trust her, or consider your relationship. You cant (or shouldnt) get married if her being around other men causes you so much worry.

    Has she ever done anything to warrant your lack of trust?

    Either way maybe couples counselling might help. But its no way to live for either of you, her being unable to spend time with the opposite sex and you worrying yourself sick over what might have happened. That sort of thing will eat away at you both and destroy your relationship.

  • Mrs17Mrs17 Posts: 781 New bride

    I agree 100% with MrsJ2017.

    She should be able to go out with her friends, get drunk and have fun without having to console you or justify it...You cant wrap her in cotton wool and keep her all to yourself. You need to trust her. She wouldn't be marrying you if she wanted anyone else.

  • Craig35Craig35 Posts: 3
    MrsJ2017 wrote (see post):

    I think you either need to learm to trust her, or consider your relationship. You cant (or shouldnt) get married if her being around other men causes you so much worry.

    Has she ever done anything to warrant your lack of trust?

    Either way maybe couples counselling might help. But its no way to live for either of you, her being unable to spend time with the opposite sex and you worrying yourself sick over what might have happened. That sort of thing will eat away at you both and destroy your relationship.

     

    Thanks for the reply I realise this site is not a problem page too. Nothing really has surfaced that I should worry of. Other than the night she went back to a blokes house with her mate and then one tried it on with her. She told me straight away once home. I was worried she hasn't text to say where was as at 5am I worry. 

    I think I'm insecure 

     

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    It sounds like you have nothing to worry about. Sometimes people try it on, but as long as she refuses then theres no issue. These things happen.

    Being in a guys house is also no issue if she knows him, if she didnt and they ended up in a strangers house I would be concerned for her safety.

    Not texting isnt an issue either imo. Its nice to just go out and enjoy yourself without worrying about having to update someone on where you are and who youre with and when youll be home. Its perfectly ok to not know when youll be home, just see how you feel. Its not nice to be getting texts asking these questions, and its not nice to feel like you have to keep someone informed of your movements, or justify yourself and make it up tp them when you get home.

    Ive been in a relationship with an insecure lad and it was bloody awful, I cant find the words to tell you how bad it is to be made to feel guilty and in the wrong for having a life outside the relationship, when youve done nothing wrong. It was like being in a cage.

    I feel for you because its not nice for you either, but she doesnt deserve this and you really need to nip it in the bud before it goes too far and ruins your relationship.

  • Craig35Craig35 Posts: 3

    Thanks. She is aware of things and I went to see a councillor and have more appointments to do so. I'm trying and keeping her informed of things. It's just tricky at present but I guess you are right it's nice to get a neutral persons opinion 

  • The new Mrs PThe new Mrs P Posts: 560

    I know it's a bit late in the day but you need to put the wedding on hold and deal with this. Lack of trust is very serious. And you need to have the same expectations of each other's behaviour, personally I wouldn't behave like that, and nor would Mr P, to us that's disrespectful, but to other couple if would be fine and that's ok if it works for BOTH of them.

    Seriously a postponed wedding is better than a divorce.

    And that previous night is unresolved. Tackle that with counselling if needed, but you can't get married still feeling the way you do.

  • Rosegold017Rosegold017 Posts: 476

    I agree with everything said above and it's nice that you are seeking impartial advice from a female-dominated forum. MrsJ is right, it is important to have a life outside of the relationship otherwise resentment will creep in and she may feel suffocated.

    I don't think you have anything to worry about in regards to her hen. Nothing is more offputting to single guys than a woman wearing props that scream 'I'm getting married in a few weeks!'. I have been on numerous hen nights where everyone is in high spirits and all celerating the same way, and you do end up kind of high fiving strangers who are also hen/stagging.

    The 5am incident sounds like a one off and she was obviously apologetic. If she doesn't go out much she probably just lost track of the time. It is very hard to check in and text when you are out with one friend.

    In future try to distract yourself from any insecurities. If she is off out, tell her to have a great night and not to worry about texting you, then invite your own friends round and have fun. You will probably find that you'll hear from her even more so!

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