Hen weekend but no invite

]I'm just looking for opinions as I'm feeling pretty down about a situation.

A friend of mine from work is getting married in the summer. I'm off in her hen weekend in a couple of weeks and have spent a good few hundred on going despite not really being able to afford it but I didn't want to let her down.

Well I've found out that some of my co workers (those I'm expecting to be invited) have had their invites but I'm left wonder why I haven't had one. She's has been a bit offish with me lately and I can only put it down to me being in a new relationship since last year. I admit that I don't spend as much time with her as I did but there have been a few occasions where I was left disappointed about going out as she cancelled on me too. I pretty much stopped running around after her in the end.

My question is whether I'm being unreasonable to expect at least an evening invite considering that I was invited to the hen, and that was only arranged at the beginning of this year.

I know I should probably just ask what's going on but I'm not good with confrontation and really don't know how to even begin to ask.  I can imagine it would be very awkward if it is a simple case of me not being invited.

It's upset me quite a lot and I'm really starting to wonder whether going on the weekend is a good idea considering how awkward it will be it the conversation of the big day pops up.

Help please anyone? 

Posts

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    I think it's really odd to be invited to the hen but not be invited to the wedding, I wouldn't dream of doing that to any of my work colleagues. I think I'd actually ask her but do it in a way that implies you think it might be lost in the post, say something along the lines of, I've guessed I'm being invited to the wedding or you wouldn't have asked me on your hen do but it appears your invite to me has gone astray especially as xyz have received theirs, then see what she says.

  • LittlespiceLittlespice Posts: 665

    You'll get different opinions I expect but I really feel that you shouldn't invite people on a hen if you aren't also inviting them to the wedding.

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    I agree its strange and happened to me, i was invited to the hen do then not the wedding and i wasnt the only one!  I have done the decent thing and invited her and her new husband to our wedding.  Being the bigger person here. 

     

    as others said just speak to her quietly. 

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    Its not going to be an enjoyable convo but I would have to find a way to see if I was invited to the wedding, and if not, Id not bother wasting all that money on the hen do.

    I do think its not the right thing to expect people to come to a hen do and then not invite them to the wedding, especially when its an OTT expensive hen.

  • Laura GraceLaura Grace Posts: 327 New bride

    Rather than asking out right, how about taking a slightly different approach of "does your venue offer accommodation / will I need to book a hotel room in advance before it all gets booked up" or "just thinking of outfits etc, can't wait till your big day"

    In all honesty though, if this was me and I felt like we were drifting apart, I'd probably try and arrange a catch up over a coffee than have this kind of conversation via text etc.  That way you can gauge her reactions rather than reading between the lines from a text where emotions never translate well x

  • PinguinPinguin Posts: 141

    I think its fine to go on hen/stags without a wedding invite, ive been to loads but an expensive weekend away is pushing it as you have had to go out of your way and normally its just a local one with an open invite for non-invitees

    could your invite of got lost? it could be a genuine mistake

  • Mrs AyseMrs Ayse Posts: 561

    I wouldn't invite someone to my hen and but invite to the wedding. I would go with asking something about the wedding, like menu or accommodation - maybe even a question about what to wear? 

  • I went to one of my best friends hen dos and didn't go to the wedding, but none of the hen's did as the couple got married in Vegas.  I am also planning a destination wedding with limited numbers, but a London reception afterwards, not all my hens are invited to the destination wedding, some will only be invited to the London Party.  

  • PinguinPinguin Posts: 141

    also did the bride organise the hen do?

     

    if its been organised by a MOH or BM then she has no say (ive often seen brides talk about MOH or BM going crazy and inviting everyone even people they dont know and if thats the case then you cant expect an invite as the hen do and wedding have different hosts so are completely seperate events)

  • Alex52Alex52 Posts: 164

    I'm hosting my own Hen party and have invited girls from work, they were all made aware that they are only invited to the evening, on the flip side I haven't invited some of my family who are there all day to the hen. I think if you were expecting a day invite it is a bit off, especially if others have been invited. We have a blanket no work friends at the wedding rule (i work with 60 people and if I invited the 3 I wanted I would feel obliged to invite the other 57 plus partners) it has made it a lot easier when I've explained it to people.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,532 New bride

    I invited a couple of girls to my hen do who were only invited to the evening of my wedding. But I would think it was a little odd to be invited to the hen and not even recieve an evening invite.

    I don't think dropping hints about accomodation or outfits is a good idea as you are assuming you are invited and putting the bride in an awkward situation if you are not. Any way you do it it's going to be awkward, but could you have a word with a mutual colleage- maybe one who recieved an evening invite- and confide in them you haven't recieved one and don't want to bring it up with the bride. They could then maybe have a quiet word on your behalf with her about how it just happened to come up in coversation.

  • britbirdbritbird Posts: 1,474 New bride

    I have to say, if I were invited to the hen and not the wedding I would be fuming, especially seeing as traditionally you are expected to contribute towards the bride's costs.  I have been to some where I have been an evening guest, but it would be very strange- unless it were a destination wedding- to not receive any form of an invite.  Maybe meet up for a coffee with her, and ask generally about the plans, and see how that goes?

  • PinguinPinguin Posts: 141
    Sammykate wrote (see post):

    I invited a couple of girls to my hen do who were only invited to the evening of my wedding. But I would think it was a little odd to be invited to the hen and not even recieve an evening invite.

    I don't think dropping hints about accomodation or outfits is a good idea as you are assuming you are invited and putting the bride in an awkward situation if you are not. Any way you do it it's going to be awkward, but could you have a word with a mutual colleage- maybe one who recieved an evening invite- and confide in them you haven't recieved one and don't want to bring it up with the bride. They could then maybe have a quiet word on your behalf with her about how it just happened to come up in coversation.

     

    to be honest thats just as awkward, I had someone approch me like that before because their invite to a party got lost in the mail system and I felt on trial and gossiped about with other people asking 'why isnt so and so invited?' with a judgemental tone, especially as it should of been really obvious that I wouldnt single out one person who ive never had an issue with and has been invited and come along every year

    honestly its better to approach the person rather than talk behind their back

  • Evr1979Evr1979 Posts: 3
    britbird wrote (see post):

    I have to say, if I were invited to the hen and not the wedding I would be fuming, especially seeing as traditionally you are expected to contribute towards the bride's costs.  I have been to some where I have been an evening guest, but it would be very strange- unless it were a destination wedding- to not receive any form of an invite.  Maybe meet up for a coffee with her, and ask generally about the plans, and see how that goes?

     

     

    I hadent even even thought of that.  We have all paid extra to cover her costs so between 9 of us that's about £30 each.  I'm actually quite annoyed now.  And she's definitely acting sheepish lately.  

  • Evr1979Evr1979 Posts: 3
    Pinguin wrote (see post):

    also did the bride organise the hen do?

     

    if its been organised by a MOH or BM then she has no say (ive often seen brides talk about MOH or BM going crazy and inviting everyone even people they dont know and if thats the case then you cant expect an invite as the hen do and wedding have different hosts so are completely seperate events)

     

    MOH organised it but my friend (the bride) gave a list of people to ask along and we struggled to find accommodation so all worked on the together too.   It's so odd and I'm starting to feel like she's doing it on purpose to get a reaction from me or to make me outright ask her- almost like begging.   We've been friends a while now but this has got me wondering why she would treat me this way.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,532 New bride
    Pinguin wrote (see post):
    Sammykate wrote (see post):

    I invited a couple of girls to my hen do who were only invited to the evening of my wedding. But I would think it was a little odd to be invited to the hen and not even recieve an evening invite.

    I don't think dropping hints about accomodation or outfits is a good idea as you are assuming you are invited and putting the bride in an awkward situation if you are not. Any way you do it it's going to be awkward, but could you have a word with a mutual colleage- maybe one who recieved an evening invite- and confide in them you haven't recieved one and don't want to bring it up with the bride. They could then maybe have a quiet word on your behalf with her about how it just happened to come up in coversation.

     

    to be honest thats just as awkward, I had someone approch me like that before because their invite to a party got lost in the mail system and I felt on trial and gossiped about with other people asking 'why isnt so and so invited?' with a judgemental tone, especially as it should of been really obvious that I wouldnt single out one person who ive never had an issue with and has been invited and come along every year

    honestly its better to approach the person rather than talk behind their back

    Possibly- although I would not approach it like that. I would simply say that I asked so-and-so what she was wearing to the wedding and she said she wasn't sure if she is invited to the day or just the evening and she is a bit embarassed to ask as she hasn't recieved an invite. If the bride isn't intending to invite her she can make an excuse easily as she's only talking with a 3rd party, if she did invite her and the invite got lost then she will be glad to know.

    I do think that's less awkward than asking yourself where your invite is which really puts the bride on the spot, or dropping hints about hotel bookings. My sister had a lady at her work who she wasn't going to invite and this lady constantly dropped hints about how excited she was about the big day etc etc until my sister felt obliged to invite her.

    The other option is to wait until the RSVP date and see if she chases you but that option isn't ideal either.

  • britbirdbritbird Posts: 1,474 New bride
    Evr1979 wrote (see post):
     

     

    I hadent even even thought of that.  We have all paid extra to cover her costs so between 9 of us that's about £30 each.  I'm actually quite annoyed now.  And she's definitely acting sheepish lately.  

     

    I don't blame you, but I would nip in in the bud by speaking to her.  If she does say you are not invited to the wedding, are there any costs you can recover and pull out?  Might be something to consider.  

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