Torn with who to invite!

Hi ladies! 

 

Okay so having a major issue with my 'day' guestlist. 

 

I have a bad relationship with my dad. As far as bad goes, he lives the other side of the town (15 mins away) and has met my H2b twice & my 4 month old twice... my birthday was in march and seems the card got lost in the post 😂 

Its fairly bad. 

 

As regards the day list. i would like my aunt and uncle to be there, they have always been so supportive of me and my older sister. Always encouraged me to have a relationship with my dad until recent years as I explained exactly how bad it is. 

 

Since i can Remember, my step mum has had an issue with my aunt. myself and my older sister have asked both my dad and step mum what the issue is with my aunt and uncle to which we both get told there is no issue. Which is crap..!! 

 

My step mum was slagging my auntie off last year at a family friends 50th birthday (family friend will be at the evening reception) so this family friend asked her to stop to which My step mum ignored and carried on, and ended up getting a smack in the chops For it... deserved. 

 

I used to have an amazing relationship with my two half sisters (My dad and step mums girls together) but I was told by the older of the two, she would make excuses for them not to come over etc... so I gave up after being told they were busy 100% of the time and now I barely speak to them. 

 

My mum will be walking me down the isle as she has been there for me through thick and thin, 2 hard pregnancies, a relationship breakdown (past relationship) been a childminder to ensure I can go to work and have time out! I couldnt ask for a better mother, or nanna to my children. I have asked my step dad to do 'father of the bride' speech as he has been around since I was 3, and has always raised and loved me like his own. My mother and grandmother are also not best impressed that I am contemplating inviting my dad & step mum. 

 

I am worried if I do invite him, it will cause tension with other people in the room, people who i would actually want there. My step mum is a snide little cow, she will critisize every last detail because im on a budget. 

 

I have never ever felt anything but rejection from my dad, and my wedding day it's the one day about me. I just don't think his wife could put up with it not being about her, she would make it about her & no one would want to sit with them So could make my life hard with a seating plan!! 

 

So it's either

1. shut up and have them there.

2.only invite my dad and little sisters Which will cause sooooo much trouble we will end up falling out and none of them coming. 

3. Only invite them to the reception.

 

Please be honest... I'm so confused 😫

 

Thank you 💕

Posts

  • Poor you - its a tough one hey!

    I would be tempted to 'do the right thing'.  Invite them all, but sit them on a table on their own.  You will be surrounded by people who love and support you and if step-mum starts criticising she will either be told to shut up, or people hearing her will think bad of her, not of you or your wedding

    The fact that you are worrying over this tells me that you do want to invite him. 

    Good luck xx

     

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I was in a similar situation, but my dads wife is a fairly new addition and nobody has ever met her or wants to. It involves affairs, siblings weve never met, and a wife whos the same age as his daughter. We never really see him and only hear from him very occassionally. He hasnt met my youngest at all, and the older 2 dont remember him. The pair of them were at my grandads funeral and I think it said a lot about the type of person she is when she settled herself on the front row in church while me and my sisters and brother were left to sit halfway down the packed church. I think at times like that the decent thing to do would be to let the family sit at the front but hey ho. We all took pleasure at the whole church watching us be called up to read and having to walk down the aisle because wed been pushed out.

    Anyway, I decided to invite my dad, but I told him it would only be him due to the history. He said of course he would be there. Not going to lie, I was shocked, I completely expected him to decline without his wife. I knew I could get away with not inviting her though, and I wasnt bothered whether he came or not, I just wanted to give him the option.

    Its reallt hard and you just need to figure out what you feel. Its confusing when you want to protect so many people and want everyone to be happy. You have to sort of filter through all that to get to the bottom of it. We can all tell you what wed do, but were not you and it needs to be the right decision for you.

  • lauren318lauren318 Posts: 482

    Aww i know how you feel, i have had this struggle which has led me to not invite certain people.

    If they won't cause any issues invite them, if they make you feel uncomfortable then don't. I chose not to as i would be worried all day and it would spoil it x

     

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride

    Personally, I wouldn't bother inviting any of them. Or only to the reception. But I also have dad issues and am having a very intimate wedding so I only want people there I know will be happy for me and who won't make anyone feel uncomfortable. It's brutal but best (for me at least).

  • PinguinPinguin Posts: 141
    MrsJ2017 wrote (see post):

    I was in a similar situation, but my dads wife is a fairly new addition and nobody has ever met her or wants to. It involves affairs, siblings weve never met, and a wife whos the same age as his daughter. We never really see him and only hear from him very occassionally. He hasnt met my youngest at all, and the older 2 dont remember him. The pair of them were at my grandads funeral and I think it said a lot about the type of person she is when she settled herself on the front row in church while me and my sisters and brother were left to sit halfway down the packed church. I think at times like that the decent thing to do would be to let the family sit at the front but hey ho. We all took pleasure at the whole church watching us be called up to read and having to walk down the aisle because wed been pushed out.

    Anyway, I decided to invite my dad, but I told him it would only be him due to the history. He said of course he would be there. Not going to lie, I was shocked, I completely expected him to decline without his wife. I knew I could get away with not inviting her though, and I wasnt bothered whether he came or not, I just wanted to give him the option.

    Its reallt hard and you just need to figure out what you feel. Its confusing when you want to protect so many people and want everyone to be happy. You have to sort of filter through all that to get to the bottom of it. We can all tell you what wed do, but were not you and it needs to be the right decision for you.

     

    I had a similar thing... I dont dislike my newest step mom, only met her a handful of times and shes ok, ok as in I think she means well and shes never done anything with malice but shes a bit inapropriate and attention stealing like she has to butt into every conversation, talk about irrelivant and innapropriate stuff like her sex life to everyone even people who have no idea who she is and what shes on about and her clothes are never age nor event appropriate but at my grandmas funeral (my grandma who raised me for years after my dad walked out and who didnt know this woman who was just my dads new girlfriend) she was took with family in the funeral procession and I was left to find my own way there

    not suprising I wasnt even invited to say goodbye to my grandma when they knew she was dying and was only told 3 days after she died which was a huge shock out of the blue because she had become suddenly sick and I wasnt told and she was really healthy before that - to be honest it shows just how unimportant I am to them

    I just think its not worth making a fuss about, Im polite when I see them but I expect nothing (not even common curtesy) from that side of the family

     

    for the OP im inviting mine  to my wedding but as ive said mine isnt malice just overexcitable and tacky... I have no idea where ill sit her as people wont fight/argue but no one really wants to listen to her in detail discription of her new vagizelle, victoria secret underwear and exploding boob job during dinner so I need to find someone not easily offended to wack her next to

    I would definately invite you dad and sisters but im not sure what to do about your MIL

  • CosCos Posts: 5

    Invite them all... avoid later fights with them...

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