Plus one situation. Please help!!

So this is a bit long a complicated so please bare with me. My fiancee and I are getting married in august and it's going to be a very emotional day as my mum passed away only a couple of months ago after a year long battle with cancer. we've been planning and sending out invites and we sent an invite to my cousin and her partner but in the last couple of weeks he has broken up with her. We still have given her a plus one but have asked if her plus one can come to the evening as we would like to invite people we know to the day and we do not know who her plus one is. We asked the same of my fiancée Brother and sister who were fine with it. but when I asked my cousin she replied saying she was going through an emotional time and didn't want to be alone on the day. (but she will be with all the family and friends) and then said if she didn't get a plus one she would then NOT come to the wedding. i was annoyed and upset the fact that she said that as it seems she has completely forgotten the year I have been through and the fact the one person I want more than anyone to be there, won't be and she turns around and says that. there are no plus ones in our guests to the day as we wanted it so we know everyone but plus ones are  more than welcome to the evening. Am I being wrong asking her plus one to the evening??


  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,650 New bride

    You are not wrong at all- I had this rule as well. Only those with serious partners recieved a +1 on the day, there is no way I wanted any randoms at my wedding ceremony! We had a big argument with a guest over it which resulted in him being un-invited as he would not accept that he couldn't bring a random +1 after he broke up with his girlfriend. After the day my husband remarked to me how glad he was that there was no randoms there as the day itself felt quite intimate depsite us having 60 guests.

    Your cousin is being unreasonable and has no right to dictate who is invited to your wedding. I would reply saying that's a shame she feels like that, but as it's your wedding your decision on the guest list is final, and please can she let you know if she will be attending the day or evening only. Call her bluff, I bet she still comes to the day on her own. And if she doesn't, then who needs people that childish at their wedding?

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I agree with Sammykate - it is not at all unreasonable to not what strangers at your wedding. We have not given any actual plus 1s. We have invited partners we know and who have been around a while, i have 2 cousins who have moved in with partners recently but i have never met them and barely see the cousins so i have not invited the partners. If your cousin really can't attend a wedding with their family without their new partner then thats their choice to make (they've only been together a few weeks so how can he not cope!!??) and not for you to feel guilted into having a stranger attend your wedding. 

    I agree as well that comment was pretty flippant and hurtful considering your situation - i am very sorry for your loss and can only imagine how difficult this has been without your mum.

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 405 New bride

    I agree with Sammykate and wed172b. You are being perfectly reasonable. 

    We've done exactly the same. One of our best men was engaged when we set a date however he has since split with his fiancé and us with someone new now but he's bein perfectly understanding about her only coming to the evening. We've applied the same rule to everyone. Family included. 

    I think she needs to grow up and realise that the day is not about her and is going to be difficult enough for you given the circumstances. Personally I'd give her 3 options:

    1. Come to the day alone and have a plus 1 for the evening.

    2. Come to the evening only with the plus 1

    3. Don't bother coming at all. 

    That way the ball is in her court so to speak. 

    I hope you don't let her taint the day for you. 

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    I agree with the above, you are being perfectly reasonable to not want people you dont know at your wedding. Stick to your guns, explain calmly why you have made the decision and hope that she can respect it. 

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