Can I change out of bridesmaid dress for the evening?

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Posts

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 660 New bride

    Apologies. I hadn't seen your follow up saying you'd decided against it.

    Well done. For the best I think.

  • Kelly241Kelly241 Posts: 392 New bride

    Would love to see in 2020 when you have bridesmaids....and what you think is a lovely BM dress but the BMs don't and they want to change in the evening.... how you the bride would be if it was reversed lol

    I think it's important that you wear it until you leave for bed that you stay in the dress so the evening guests can also appreciate the whole wedding group.

     

  • Midd2SturtonMidd2Sturton Posts: 320

    Glad you've sorted it now.

    personally I'd have found someone changing more upsetting than them deciding they no longer wanted to be bridesmaid- which is kinda how I would view a dress change to look, like that person was ashamed to be associated with the wedding party.

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    Kelly241 wrote (see post):

    Would love to see in 2020 when you have bridesmaids....and what you think is a lovely BM dress but the BMs don't and they want to change in the evening.... how you the bride would be if it was reversed lol

    I think it's important that you wear it until you leave for bed that you stay in the dress so the evening guests can also appreciate the whole wedding group.

    like I said in an earlier post my bms will be my sisters And they'll have a say as their styles they like are similar to mine. Look I only asked a question so I knew whether or not it was rude I wasn't being a bitch. There's no need for snarky comments. Bet you would love to see it as its gonna be amaze thanks Hun 😘

     

     

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    Midd2Sturton wrote (see post):

    Glad you've sorted it now.

    personally I'd have found someone changing more upsetting than them deciding they no longer wanted to be bridesmaid- which is kinda how I would view a dress change to look, like that person was ashamed to be associated with the wedding party.

     

    i can understand that I wouldn't want to upset her or be rude that's why I asked on here but had some right snarky comments back I was only asking for advice on it! I'm not a nasty person at all I just didn't now whether it was mean or normal to change for the evening, I'm not ashamed at all and can see wher everyone is coming from. Thank you x

     

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    MrsRendall2B wrote (see post):

    Apologies. I hadn't seen your follow up saying you'd decided against it.

    Well done. For the best I think.

    no need to apologize I just wanted advice on it as didn't now wether it was rude or not a big thing for bms  to change at the evening. Thank you x

     

  • RosieC18RosieC18 Posts: 158

    I don't understand why everybody would take this so personally and be 'offended'. There are many other things which would ACTUALLY offend me. A grown woman, one of my dearest friends or family members changing to be comfortable and more easily celebrate with me would NOT be one of them... I would be absolutely horrified to think I was forcing my best girls to feel horribly uncomfortable all night on account of my delicate disposition. Once the champagne is flowing and the party has started I don't know who'd even notice. 

    As long as a BM is there for you wearing the chosen dress at the ceremony and in the official photographs I don't really mind what she wears to the party. If the chosen dress is unsuitable for dancing in then it makes complete sense to change. So many brides and other guests change for a reception. Groomsmen often remove their ties and jackets and wind up looking completely different to how they started, so what's the difference? 

    I would run it by her first out of courtesy but I wouldn't be perturbed by the bombardment of messages above. 

     

  • Kelly241Kelly241 Posts: 392 New bride
    Rachael140 wrote (see post):
    Kelly241 wrote (see post):

    Would love to see in 2020 when you have bridesmaids....and what you think is a lovely BM dress but the BMs don't and they want to change in the evening.... how you the bride would be if it was reversed lol

    I think it's important that you wear it until you leave for bed that you stay in the dress so the evening guests can also appreciate the whole wedding group.

    like I said in an earlier post my bms will be my sisters And they'll have a say as their styles they like are similar to mine. Look I only asked a question so I knew whether or not it was rude I wasn't being a bitch. There's no need for snarky comments. Bet you would love to see it as its gonna be amaze thanks Hun 😘

     

     

     

     

    I've no doubt yours and everyone else's wedding days will be amazing as will mine, was just pointing out...when you become the 'b2b' our attitudes 'can' change as levels of 'stress' for some change!

    My comments to anyone and everyone who has posted are never sent with any snide nor snarky meaning behind them.... and I try not to read into my replies from others being anything but an opinion.

    🤗

  • Midd2SturtonMidd2Sturton Posts: 320

    yeah there's no need for rude responses; I think it's important that people feel they can use this forum to seek advice and opinions without being judged.

    on the flip side of this question, as a bride I would also make sure not to pick a dress if I knew one of my bridesmaids didn't like it as I feel it is important that they want to wear the dress with pride.

  • RosieC18RosieC18 Posts: 158
    Midd2Sturton wrote (see post):

    yeah there's no need for rude responses; I think it's important that people feel they can use this forum to seek advice and opinions without being judged.

    on the flip side of this question, as a bride I would also make sure not to pick a dress if I knew one of my bridesmaids didn't like it as I feel it is important that they want to wear the dress with pride.

    I completely agree! I honestly think if you've chosen the best women in your life to stand by your side you should love and respect them enough to involve them in that decision. I would be mortified if I made my girls feel uncomfortable on my account xoxo

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    When I got married the first time my bridesmaids asked if I minded them changing for the evening.... I said it was ok but deep down I was a bit upset.

     

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    RosieC18 wrote (see post):

    I don't understand why everybody would take this so personally and be 'offended'. There are many other things which would ACTUALLY offend me. A grown woman, one of my dearest friends or family members changing to be comfortable and more easily celebrate with me would NOT be one of them... I would be absolutely horrified to think I was forcing my best girls to feel horribly uncomfortable all night on account of my delicate disposition. Once the champagne is flowing and the party has started I don't know who'd even notice. 

    As long as a BM is there for you wearing the chosen dress at the ceremony and in the official photographs I don't really mind what she wears to the party. If the chosen dress is unsuitable for dancing in then it makes complete sense to change. So many brides and other guests change for a reception. Groomsmen often remove their ties and jackets and wind up looking completely different to how they started, so what's the difference? 

    I would run it by her first out of courtesy but I wouldn't be perturbed by the bombardment of messages above. 

     Thank you! It's nice to see a different side of it as I thought it wouldn't have been such a big thing! That's why I asked I feel like everyone has been a bit snarky in their comments about it. I do appreciate everyone's opinions though as thats what I asked for, I am really pleased she asked me but just don't like the dress at all so thought I'd ask what other brides would think if their bms wanted to change, I think in just going to ask her closer to the day if I can just bring a change just in case I do feel uncomfortable at the night, thankyou for your reply x

     

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    RosieC18 wrote (see post):
    Midd2Sturton wrote (see post):

    yeah there's no need for rude responses; I think it's important that people feel they can use this forum to seek advice and opinions without being judged.

    on the flip side of this question, as a bride I would also make sure not to pick a dress if I knew one of my bridesmaids didn't like it as I feel it is important that they want to wear the dress with pride.

    I completely agree! I honestly think if you've chosen the best women in your life to stand by your side you should love and respect them enough to involve them in that decision. I would be mortified if I made my girls feel uncomfortable on my account xoxo

    That's what I meant when I said when it's my wedding my bms will have a say in their dresses and id want them to feel beautiful and love their dresses just as much as me, I don't see why ladies on here got so iffed with me saying that. 

  • RosieC18RosieC18 Posts: 158
    Badgersbetty wrote (see post):

    When I got married the first time my bridesmaids asked if I minded them changing for the evening.... I said it was ok but deep down I was a bit upset.

     

    Although I don't think I'd feel the same way, I'm genuinely intrigued to understand why this upset you? It seems lots of ladies are saying they'd be offended but you've been there so it's good to hear from someone who's actually experience this... xoxo

  • DalesDales Posts: 12

    If one of my bridesmaids said they wanted to change out of their dresses for the evening part it wouldn't bother me personally. I think it depends on the person. I am letting my bridesmaids choose their own dresses when we go shopping in August because I want them to feel comfortable and happy even if it's only for the day part. I try to put myself in other people's shoes, I don't think I would like being told to wear something that I felt uncomfortable in or that didn't look nice on. So I wouldn't do that to someone else. 

    I think talking to her about it might be the best solution. 

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Yes at about 10 pm if you like. 

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    I think it's because they asked about changing for the evening but then straight after speeches they went to the loo's and changed ... Along with coming out with comments such as 'thank god for that'.  

    It didn't make me feel very good tbh.  

     

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    Gosh this thread just keeps going! The OP has now been given both sides, and i think the original advice of 'speak to the bride' still stands. If shes ok with it then its ok, if not then its not IMHO

  • MrsC2018MrsC2018 Posts: 191 New bride

    I'm aware the OP has now made a decision but I do find this an interesting thread.

    I have been bridesmaid 3 times but all at very different weddings and these were 10+ years ago. All 3 I changed into more comfortable clothes in the late evening (talking after buffet and when people were just drinking and dancing). I never questioned it and I doubt I asked the bride. In fact I think it was the norm for the bride to do the same. Often guests used to change between daytime and evening too (my mother still thinks this is the norm, much to my amusement). I'm aware weddings have changed so much since that time though (I was also younger and went clubbing afterwards. Haha)

    I personally wouldn't be offended if my BMs did this at all but being honest I wouldn't expect the dresses to be taken off earlier than about 9pm. Although I am allowing my BMs to have a say in their dress and so they themselves will make sure they are comfortable and my guess is they will leave them on to save buying and bringing an additional outfit to the venue. 

  • Charlotte237Charlotte237 Posts: 273 New bride

    I must be in the minority in that I couldn't care less if my BMs change out of their dresses, and in fact I've suggested it to them! We have a ceilidh and the dresses are long!! I'm also changing out of my dress so I think it's fair to let them have the option. That said, I got the dresses cheap from Vietnam... I might feel differently if I'd spent loads on them! 

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    Well if you are changing and you have a ceilidh then fair enough, going back to if the bride is ok with it then it's OK. 

  • Lauren147Lauren147 Posts: 185

    I wouldn't like it if one of my bridesmaids had changed but I would have liked it even less if they were uncomfortable in their dress. 

    I know 'it's her day' but its also about sharing the day with your friends and family and it would have been the last thing I wanted to make one of my bridesmaids feel uncomfortable. I would have been more gutted if they hated their dress! 

    That being said, I have also sucked it up and worn something I didn't like or wasn't my style. Sorry I'm probably no help at all!! 

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Im going to be uncomfortable can i change to:)?  

     

    Yes a bit rude if you dont ask etc.   All that expense!  

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I changed out of my dress when i was a friend's bm but she did suggest it to me so i knew she was ok with it. We hadnt realised when we bought the dress that i couldnt wear a bra with it and she knew i was uncomfortable and wouldnt be able to dance properly etc. She just said once the first dance, cake cutting was done and the party had started then i could change

  • Lauren147Lauren147 Posts: 185

    Katherine - course you can!! 

    Also I hardly think £20 is going to break the bank

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