PLUS ONE DRAMA?

Hi All,

No drama REALLY - but just a question.

Myself and H2B have had our fair share of outrageous messages from people (brazenly asking where their wedding invite is - YES REALLY?)

But this time, it is something I am "umming and aah'ing" about.

We initially decided any friends who have partners who we have never met, can bring their partners to the evening but day time will be close family and friends only, unless said couple are married.

One of my cousins has sent me a message saying the following :

Hi Darling, I have been meaning to message you! I have found a new man! He is amazing, second of course to your hubby to be! I don't spose he can come???????? I need him!!! xxxxxx

I said to her to give me a call and we can have a chat about it - Keeping in mind she is a cousin of mine, we used to be close although she is over ten years my senior. - We are a close family but only see eachother at weddings, Birthdays etc. I thought I would let her know he can come to the evening.

She said she would call and never did - this was over a month ago and we have spoken since where she hasn't mentioned it again. I can see they are still together as they are posting photos on Facebook etc.

My argument is - I have never met the man, They have only been together a month or so and she has never had a great track record with Partners. I feel sorry because she has had a terrible year with health etc, and ALL the other cousins are married or have long term partners who we know - and of course are invited.

I know this sounds so mean, and I promise I did consider just letting her bring him-  But I DO NOT want a man in my wedding, who will be gone in a year, or who I have never met.

What do people think? - She hasn't called me to discuss but she is such a "fly away" kind of person if that makes sense, and I can se her rocking up on the day with him on her arm, and no where for him top sit on the seating plan.

( Just to add a bit of history, we aren't having children at our wedding and she has already sent me a message a few months ago saying she is GUTTED her daughters cant come - I had to explain it was only cousins invited as they all have 2 or more kids.)

Posts

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,954 New bride

    If you only see each other at weddings, funerals etc. then really you aren't a close family.

    Just send her a message back saying "sorry, he can't come to the day as we are at maximum numbers already, but he's welcome in the evening after 7pm" or whatever time your evening reception starts.

  • Elz2017Elz2017 Posts: 316

    I think stick to what you've previously said, and invite him to the evening. I'd drop her an email saying sorry she's not found time to ring, but anyway you've got a policy and she can bring him  to the evening.

    Honestly, if she's not mentioned it again, and hasn't bothered to ring, she'll probably cope. If she tips up with him on the day there's not much you can do about that, but I'm sure your venue/coordinator/anyone sensible will make her (and him, poor sod) squirm by being oh-so-concerned that there's not a place/meal for him as he was only invited to the evening!  

  • Yeah -- when I say Close family, I mean we keep in touch frequently but we don't live close so don't physically see each other often. But yeah @MrsCToBee -- I should just message her -- I suppose I just don't want to come across as mean!

     

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340 New bride

    Ur not been mean. 

    I would just message her saying u haven't invited any partners u don't know and the numbers r confirmed now so u can't invite him to the ceremony but he's welcome 2 join her for the evening and ur looking forward 2 meeting him

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,954 New bride

    You aren't mean - it's actually quite rude and presumptuous of her to ask, as it causes awkward situations such as this. Assuming you are getting married at 2pm-ish, and he can come from 7.30pm or whatever, I'm sure she can survive 5 hours without him!

    A friend of mine didn't invite my OH  to her wedding as she'd never met him and was tight on numbers, I went with a friend and wasn't in the least bit offended. We are also only having people we both know and see regularly to the daytime bit of our wedding. I don't generally buy expensive meals for people I don't know and I'm not starting now!

  • Yeah I thought so too -- I would never put someone in that position.

    Maybe as she isn't married she doesn't understand the constraints, but she is an adult and I feel like you say its not nice that she has put that extra pressure on... Hmmmm

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 406 New bride

    Firstly, you are not being mean at all. We had the same policy for our wedding. There was a couple who moaned about it (behind our backs), my (now) brother-in-law told his girlfriend that we hadn't invited her purely because he didn't want to have to arrange for us to meet her prior to the wedding. Then a few months before the wedding a friend of ours asked if he could bring his girlfriend of a month or so to the evening which we said was fine, we catered for her and she didn't turn up! Turns out it was all off before the wedding and he didn't even tell us she was no longer coming. 

    Secondly, you can't please everyone and if you bend the rules for one other people will ask the same for them. Like others have suggested I'd just reply to her message explaining the situation and that she is more than welcome to bring him to the evening. Maybe even tell her if you have anyone unable to attend the day you may be able to fit him in, but at the moment that isn't looking likely. That way it's not an outright no!

  • As it's your wedding, it's entirely up to you as to who you invite and for which parts of the day. As you've asked for opinions, here is mine.  I would invite him personally because...

    As you say all of your cousins are already married or with LT partners, there's little chance that you're letting the floodgates down and are going to be bombarded with requests from other cousins with similar requests.  I would think that one seat isn't going to push your venue to capacity and that one meal isn't going to blow your budget.

    All of your other cousins are going to have someone there with them - all of them except her.  That would feel extraordinarily lonely to me and would accentuate the idea that I'm alone and have not been successful to-date with a LTR.

    If you invite him to the evening only, they are going to have to arrange for separate transport.  So essentially he's going to sit at home for the better part of the day doing nothing until he's allowed to turn up, and then make his way there by himself, so that a few hours later, they can then head home, separately.  

    He's one face in the crowd - one face that you won't even notice in the sea of smiles as you wed.  I don't understand the idea of not wanting to get married in front of "someone you don't know."  It would be one thing if your parents invited 20% of the guests and you knew none of them.  This is one man that will make your cousin's time there more enjoyable.  

  • KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

    As it's your wedding, it's entirely up to you as to who you invite and for which parts of the day. As you've asked for opinions, here is mine.  I would invite him personally because...

    As you say all of your cousins are already married or with LT partners, there's little chance that you're letting the floodgates down and are going to be bombarded with requests from other cousins with similar requests.  I would think that one seat isn't going to push your venue to capacity and that one meal isn't going to blow your budget.

    All of your other cousins are going to have someone there with them - all of them except her.  That would feel extraordinarily lonely to me and would accentuate the idea that I'm alone and have not been successful to-date with a LTR.

    If you invite him to the evening only, they are going to have to arrange for separate transport.  So essentially he's going to sit at home for the better part of the day doing nothing until he's allowed to turn up, and then make his way there by himself, so that a few hours later, they can then head home, separately.  

    He's one face in the crowd - one face that you won't even notice in the sea of smiles as you wed.  I don't understand the idea of not wanting to get married in front of "someone you don't know."  It would be one thing if your parents invited 20% of the guests and you knew none of them.  This is one man that will make your cousin's time there more enjoyable.  

    ------ I agree, and this is what I said to my sister when she said its rude. The only issue I have is that our tables can accommodate 10 people. We have 9 tables already with 10 on each.... Do I then have to create a new table and take her, her new boyfriend and other people from other tables to make upa  whole new table? Sounds petty but I have already found the table plan to be one of the most annoying things so far.... I take your opinion on board and I think will run past with H2B again today. Thanksfor your honest

     

     

     

     

  • Would it be possible to meet them as a couple before the wedding, that way he would not be a stranger?  Otherwise stick to your guns, it's your wedding :-)

  • stacey147stacey147 Posts: 108 New bride

    I had been with my htb over 18 months when my cousin got married and he didn’t get invited at all!

  • continuitygirl wrote (see post):

    Would it be possible to meet them as a couple before the wedding, that way he would not be a stranger?  Otherwise stick to your guns, it's your wedding :-)

     

     

    YES it would be possible and maybe I will suggest that. I think its more the way she asked that bothered me because she had already almost begged to bring her 2 daughters as well - just got my back up a bit. Hmm So much to consider haha.

     

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