When is cheating not cheating?

I was watching an old Jeremy Kyle Show the other day, and there was this bloke on there swearing blind he wasn't cheating on his girlfriend because he only ever snogged other women, never had any other sort of sexual contact with them.



This got me thinking .... when is it cheating? I don't count things like a peck on the cheek from a friend, but if H2B was to seriously snog another woman (I'm talking tongues down throats) that surely has got to be cheating? I think it's a very fine line that can easily be crossed if it isn't discussed between partners. Everyone looks at another attractive person, and most people have a fantasy about someone else, but to take it further has to be cheating.



Just wondered what everyone else thought of the issue, and I apologise if this thread upsets anyone that has been cheated on in the past. I'm just curious as to what different people see as cheating.



luv n hugs xx image

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Posts

  • gaskgask Posts: 107
    I think a snog is definitely cheating. Yet my CBM thinks that a snog is harmless.

    asked H2B he agrees with me.
  • It's cheating. End of!!!!



    L x
  • MADAM_BMADAM_B Posts: 574
    yup a snog is def cheating.
  • pauleeenukpauleeenuk Posts: 799
    defo :\)
  • DarkHor5eDarkHor5e Posts: 885
    completely agree image



    (i also think that you can have emotional affairs)
  • -Westlake--Westlake- Posts: 1,050
    Funny this, I agree, but I would not be upset if my h2b snogged someone on his stag do. This is the first time I've felt this way with a partner but I honestly trust him so much that a) he propbably wouldn't anyway, and b) if he did it would be so funny to him and his mates it would never be taken seriously.

    I know he loves me within an inch of his life and am not worried about it - however, if it happened at any other time it would be cheating.

    Never really thought about it before, got me thinking now.

    Great question!



    xx
  • xTIGRESSxxTIGRESSx Posts: 1,278
    Well so far everyone seems to be on the same line of thinking as me. A snog is def cheating.



    Anyone got any other views?



    luv n hugs xx image
  • chagalinchagalin Posts: 616
    Im sorry westlake but that makes no sense to me- if you feel that way then it's great for you, you're obviously very secure and happy but i would be devestated if i found out my husband had snogged someone on his stag do-it would still be cheating even if it was for a dare/laugh, in fact, i think id feel even worse that he'd done something like that so close to our wedding xx
  • LittleboboukLittlebobouk Posts: 5,369
    Snog is a definite Strike out !!



    I also agree on the comment about emotional affairs as I once knew a guy at work who admitted he loved me ( it wasn't returned) but if my h2b was doing all that i would be devastated that is WORSE than a drunken snog in my opinion
  • rachelemmarachelemma Posts: 517
    Snogging is definitely cheating. (I know this because when I was with my ex, as a teenager I snogged someone else on two occasions - the guilt told me I'd definitely cheated!)
  • xTIGRESSxxTIGRESSx Posts: 1,278
    I've already told my H2B I would not be snogging anyone on my hen do (even if for a dare/game/laugh) so I know he would do the same. I completely trust him but I know some stag dos do get out of hand lol . However I can see Westlakes point of view, but it is that fine line thing again.



    luv n hugs xx image
  • Chloe1981Chloe1981 Posts: 879
    I agree that snogging is cheating, also that emotional affairs are as bad, but in my opinion can be worse. An ex had a 'strong emotional connection' to another girl and it was awful x
  • schoonko07schoonko07 Posts: 160
    I think cheating by definition is not playing by the rules, so if you were in a relationship where you were both happy sleeping with multiple partners, but those were the 'rules' you agreed on then that's fine and I suppose technically you aren't cheating.

    However thankfully those are not the 'rules' my h2b and I have, so in my book snogging someone else def would be cheating.

  • I got upset because my H2B took another girl out to dinner for her Birthday. She was an old college friend that he's recently got back in touch with. Apparently her boyfriend is a bit of an emotional retard, and he wasn't doing anything special for her Birthday. So H2B took it on himself to take her out, because he thought it would cheer her up. He still doesn't get why I got upset about it. What do you think about this - would you be upset?
  • DarkHor5eDarkHor5e Posts: 885
    yep i would be! I completely trust h2b and if it was with a friend i knew really really well id be fine but a girl from college he just got in contact with i would be like why cant her boyfriend take her out and its her own fault if she is with someone emotionally retarted... why should h2b have to do it!!!

    yep just typing this has made me annoyed with that situation!
  • xTIGRESSxxTIGRESSx Posts: 1,278
    I would prob be annoyed if H2B took her out, especially if her BF couldn't be bothered. But if hes ok with me going to see male friends, then I couldn't really say no to him taking her out. I would prob go with him (well if it's her birthday why not? lol)

    Wow this is really good stuff, it's good getting different opinions.



    luv n hugs xx image
  • .
  • The other thing was that I didn't know he was buying her dinner, and he took her to somewhere we go sometimes. And I did ask him why it was his problem - he just said he was trying to be nice, and wasn't that what I wanted him to be? But the thing is, it's been ages since he did anything lovely for me, so it just made me feel really left out and like she was worth more effort than me.
  • I'm with you all on this one. snogging is definately cheating in my book. I would be devastated if i found out H2B had snogged someone whilst he was with me. H2B has loads of female friends, infact he spent the afternoon with one of them today. when we first got together it really bothered me, but then was in the early stages. I trust him implicitly now and know he would never ever cheat on me in any way shape or form. i'm sooo lucky to have him
  • xTIGRESSxxTIGRESSx Posts: 1,278
    Soz to say it, but typical bloke! lol. He is doing what he thinks is good, but without realising he is upseting someone. My H2B thought he was helping the other day by tidying up, but he moved some of my important letters! Needless to say he asks now lol.

    But seriously, he prob was just being nice. Maybe you should tell him to take you out this weekend to make up for it.



    luv n hugs xx image
  • It's not that I don't trust him. It's just that I felt neglected and also because of the situation, I felt like she was manipulating him to get what she wanted - as I don't know her, she could have been after my man and he would have been too stupid to see it!! It didn't help that we were still living 280 miles apart at the time - she was getting precious time with him that I couldn't have.
  • For me it is more the emotional that is a cheat, if there was a snog for a bet/ joke I dont think I would be as upset as if he REALLY felt something for someone else. I think taking a friend out to dinner (whether he had seen her recently or not) would be OK as I think if I was in need of a friend and needed cheering up for whatever reason I would hope that my friends would be there male or female and I appreciate that my H2B can be friends with a girl and there not be anything in it. I do however totally understand other people feel differently and never having been in a long distance relationship can not totally put myself in your shoes. (it made sense in my head!)
  • madterrymadterry Posts: 246
    Good rule of thumb. If your partner was standing there, would you still do it? if not then its cheating.
  • EVELYNS80EVELYNS80 Posts: 330
    bridey....you've hit the nail on the head there! emotional or physical it hurts as much either way,

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



  • i have been cheated on in the past by ex and he snogged a few people and i did forgive him but I was young and naive at the time. The last strw for me was when I found out he was seeing somebody else and was calling her his girlfriend. I class snogging as cheating and know that h2b wouldn't do anything like that as he knows the rules.
  • GettingwedcomGettingwedcom Posts: 5,858
    Yup, snogging is defo cheating in my opinion.



    xx
  • nia1981nia1981 Posts: 984
    both H2b & i agree snogging is cheating - a hug and kiss on the cheeck with friends is fine - though my double standards man doesnt mind if i sbnog a woman (and yes he wants to watch) typical male
  • lottin_uklottin_uk Posts: 276
    Ha Ha nia1981, typical man!

    I agree that snogging is cheating, as does my H2B, and also that emotional or physical its just as bad. The point made by Bridey is one I often say to friends who I feel are bordering on something dodgey!!!

    This is a subject which really irritates me due to previous experiences - any coronation street watchers? The whole ashley story is doing my head in.

  • spunfaerieukspunfaerieuk Posts: 1,347
    Quoted:
    Good rule of thumb. If your partner was standing there, would you still do it? if not then its cheating.


    That's exactly how I feel about it too. I've struggled to come to terms with a few occasions with H2B where he's acted differently around other girls then he would if I was there with him...and he's had an emotional affair, which broke my heart. He cheated on all of his exes but I've made it very clear from the start that if I even got a whiff of him cheating on me with another girl it'd be over... but luckily it shows that I'm his true love because he's never been tempted, even when other girls have hit on him!! He's really proud of the fact he's never cheated on me, heh. He's a totally different guy with me then how he was before we met.



    I've been watching Corrie and I agree, that Ashley story is doing my head in!! I just don't understand cheating. I can't understand it. Why be with someone if you're going to stray? Just be single and take your pick of people. It's incomprehensible to me.
  • babyboofulbabybooful Posts: 1,099
    I agree with everyone else on here, snogging is definately cheating!!
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