Should we wait?

After a bit of advice / to hear of others experiences... 
I’m 24, my oh is 26, we have owned our house just outside of London for almost 2 years, been together 4 and a half years and got engaged a few months ago. We have booked our wedding but the venue we fell in love with couldn’t get us a weekend date until 2021 so we have a loooong wait. We both can’t wait to start a family but always said we wanted to be married first. 
The thing is, we never expected to have to wait this long for the wedding and would have tried for a baby before then had we got an earlier date! 
Would you advise we wait as planned or just go for it? 
Just wanting to see what others have done as I think we would go for it if we didn’t care that people thought we were rushing into things/too young etc. 
Paying for the wedding afterwards isn’t really a worry for us, both of us have fairly good salaries and enough savings to pay for the wedding and a baby out of that if we needed to 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Posts

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride
    I am 28, my husband is 35.
    We had our daughter when we were 22 and 29, we got married a few days ago.
    I don't regret the way we did things, it wasn't the plan but it all turned out fine. I know a few people who had a child first and married after for various reasons.

    The biggest things is the fact you never know how 'easily' you will fall pregnant. We have 1 daughter and apart from one miscarriage we haven't been pregnant since she was born nearly 6 years ago, despite being relaxed over contraception.

    You own your house (something we do not), you have the money, you are happy and settled so I see no reason to wait. If I were you I would start trying, mostly because waiting 2 or so years just so you can be married first seems silly to me but also because for all you know you could wait those 2 years and then find out it won't be so simple to fall pregnant, in which case it would be better to know sooner rather than later.
  • Sorry but this decision can only be made by you and your other half, not some strangers on an internet forum. If you are asking for the order of how others did it then you are likely to get 20 different ways from 20 replies, will any of them affect your decision? Will all of them? It's not uncommon to take longer to conceive than you thought, but only you both can make the decision to start trying. There is no perfect time, some prefer to be married, others don't, it's personal choice. I wouldnt be affected by what others potentially think of you, and I doubt they would think anything like you are rushing or too young. 
  • Sadieee said:
    I am 28, my husband is 35.
    We had our daughter when we were 22 and 29, we got married a few days ago.
    I don't regret the way we did things, it wasn't the plan but it all turned out fine. I know a few people who had a child first and married after for various reasons.

    The biggest things is the fact you never know how 'easily' you will fall pregnant. We have 1 daughter and apart from one miscarriage we haven't been pregnant since she was born nearly 6 years ago, despite being relaxed over contraception.

    You own your house (something we do not), you have the money, you are happy and settled so I see no reason to wait. If I were you I would start trying, mostly because waiting 2 or so years just so you can be married first seems silly to me but also because for all you know you could wait those 2 years and then find out it won't be so simple to fall pregnant, in which case it would be better to know sooner rather than later.
    Thank you, We have thought about that too as if we were to wait and then it not happen so easily as most expect, I think we would regret not figuring this out sooner and having ‘wasted’ all this time! You can just never know!

    Everyone says there is never a perfect time so I suppose we will just see how we feel about it as we go! 
  • Sorry but this decision can only be made by you and your other half, not some strangers on an internet forum. If you are asking for the order of how others did it then you are likely to get 20 different ways from 20 replies, will any of them affect your decision? Will all of them? It's not uncommon to take longer to conceive than you thought, but only you both can make the decision to start trying. There is no perfect time, some prefer to be married, others don't, it's personal choice. I wouldnt be affected by what others potentially think of you, and I doubt they would think anything like you are rushing or too young. 
    Just interested to see what others situations are and if it worked, we don’t really know anyone in our situation so theres not really anyone we can chat to about it. Thanks for replying ☺️
  • My take on it is completely different: I would def not wait 3 years for a venue (not when I can afford options). I would book a different venue and move the wedding up.  Being engaged for 3 years is perfectly fine if you're saving up, waiting to finish a degree, etc., but if you don't have to wait that long, I wouldn't.  There are a million different venues you can marry at.  I'd move the wedding forward, be married, and then start trying.  As someone pointed out, you never know when you will fall pregnant, and I personally would not want to be pregnant in the run-up to my wedding, nor immediately afterwards (in the "honeymoon" period). 

    (I'd just like to add my pref has nothing to do with being "married" to have children first.)
  • My situation is a little different admittedly, but heres my take on it. We've been home owners a year, wedding is 16 ish months away and we will have had a 22 month engagement. This was because we had to save and didn't really have much choice. 

    When we get married i will be 29 and FH will be 26, so we have decided after the honeymoon we will "stop preventing" it if that makes sense, and see what happens. 

    You're young, and with that have a little time on your hands. It took my friend 2 years to fall pregnant and she was 25, but even if you struggle into your 30's+ theres plenty of help out there. 

    Personally I wouldnt want to be a new mum in the year before a wedding, PURELY because im selfish and shallow and want to enjoy the time in a different kind of way, but im young and obnoxious and thats just me haha. im not quite ready to give up some freedoms. 

    I think youre better off moving venue really, nowhere is worth that long a wait! 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,597 New bride
    As someone with a child, my advice is - get married before you have a child if you can! Just because logistically it's so much easier and you will have far more time.
    We chose to have a baby first, then we bought a house, and we are getting married last - but we were late 20s when we met and 30 before we started trying for our son, and we didn't want to hang around as I have a couple of issues that could have made conceiving difficult. We'll be 34 & 35 when we get married.
    I also agree with Kitty re. venue - if you want to get married sooner, either choose a different day of the week or a different venue. I wouldn't put my life on hold for 3 years just to get married at a certain venue, that's absolute madness!
  • MrsE2016MrsE2016 Posts: 1,206 New bride
    Speaking as someone who got married first & then had a baby I wouldn’t change the way we did things. We got married in Sept 16 & our daughter was born in July 18. We started TTC in Dec 16. 

    Could you move your wedding forward & have a weekday wedding? I wouldn’t like to be planning a wedding with a baby as you have enough to fill your days with without thinking about dress fittings, hen parties etc. I also wouldn’t have wanted to have a little person to keep an eye on & worry about on our wedding day. Even if you have family to help on the day, once you’re a parent you can never switch off. 

    If you can’t move your wedding forward do you think you can wait nearly 4 years to become parents (if you’re lucky & fall pregnant quickly?) If you can’t then maybe trying to have a baby before you get married is the right thing for you. 

    I knew I wanted to have children with my husband as soon as I met him but we wanted to be married so we waited. TTC wasn’t plain sailing for us as we had a loss before we conceived our daughter but it was absolutely worth the wait & I'm glad we waited till we were married. I was 30 when we got married & 32 when our daughter was born. 

    Whatever decision you make it is the right one for you as a couple & I wish you all the best with whatever you choose xxx
  • Mrs-17Mrs-17 Posts: 89 New bride
    My hubby and I got married in 2017 (I was 26, he was 30, in case it’s relevant). 
    We waited until after getting married to start trying, due to our old fashioned views, and were lucky enough to fall pregnant very quickly. Our little one is currently 5 months old and I can quite honestly say I wouldn’t have been able to plan the wedding we had whilst juggling him. I’m sure we would still have had a lovely day, but it sure would have been different! It would also have altered how I spent my hen weekend, how we spent our honeymoon, and the amount we had to spend on our wedding day had we had him beforehand.
    I would agree with the ladies suggesting you get married sooner, either by looking at a different day/date or venue. 

    Best of luck whatever you decide! X
  • I would pick a different venue and move the wedding forward personally, or have the venue you want on a weekday. There are loads of places to get married, what's so special about this venue?

    Ultimately it's your decision though.
Sign In or Register to comment.