Hen do guilt

My hen do is 7 weeks away and my amazing 5 bridesmaids have planned the whole thing - it was supposed to be a surprise and someone accidentally slipped up and found out I am going to Budapest (so exciting and my IDEAL destination - i'm not a bopper around a pool girl, i'm trainers, city & cool bars) 

However, one of the hen group told me one of the events they have booked (the main event of the hen) which is a nighttime pool party and I have a huge fear of water and I suffer with generalised anxiety so this is a panic attack waiting to happen. Large crowds, loud noises and water is a recipe for disaster. 

I tried to think the best about this, but my fear was overriding the excitement so I had to tell my bridesmaids this isn't something I am comfortable with. Then I found out the event is £50 per person and non refundable and I have upset a lot of the party and now I think I have ruined this trip before it has begun. Anything else I am willing but water is my weakness and I just had to be honest. I am doing my best to sell the tickets for them as it's a sold out event. I've even offered to pay them all back over the course of the next few months as I can't do it all as money is tight due to the wedding.

Do you think I have done the right thing? I feel so awful.


  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    Oh no! Did your bridesmaids know about your phobia before booking? To me, it sounds like something yo would know about your close friends, so seems odd that they would book it in the first place. It’s so tough, because I’m sure they’ve put in lots of work and effort, but finding out now and changing the plan in advance is so much better than turning up and realising and hating it! As a bridesmaid I’d be a bit disappointed and gutted I’d got it wrong but would ultimately want to bride to have something she’d enjoy. Maybe their upset is really their guilt at having got it wrong coming out. 

    Maybe you can offer to take control of that particular evening and plan something, that way you can have exactly what you want but also frame it as a sort of ‘giving back’ to the girls and thanking them for their hard work. That way everyone wins. 
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