sister in law

Hi, just going to have a little rant

I've been engaged for over a year, with the wedding booked for next August.

My problem is my sister in law to be. She recently got engaged and had decided to get married a couple of months afer us (this is already a problem as im taking heaps of time off work for my wedding so not even sure if i will have enough holiday to go to hers). She then attempted to book the same church as us.

I have nearly chosen my dress, still deciding between two different ones. She was shown which two dresses i liked last month. Just this weekend i got a message from her, not only has she decided to choose the same designer as me, but one of my choices is apparently one of her favourites (for herself!).

I feel like she is trying to steal my wedding as all she ever talks about i her own wedding, and im too scared to mention my ideas as they suddenly become her ideas.

Ok, rant over


  • If its any consolation.. at least you are getting married first and everyone will look at you, then go to her wedding and think... "hmmmm hasn't this been done before..."

    Seriously I know how you feel. Is she your bridesmaid?

    I been talking a lot to a friend at work who got married in July just gone and she basically said to keep a lot of what you ahve planned or chosen secret and only tell your mu, (if you want to) and your best friends or bridesmaid. No one else needs to know. And I have to say thats brilliant advice!
  • Oh Spice, you sound like you have a clone of my SIL2B!!!

    You have my complete sympathy and understanding, and if you need to rant (or just compare notes) please feel free to email me anytime to share the load.

    The one thing that I would suggest that you do, as of now, is to not share another detail of your wedding with the relevant people and then if any further "coincidences" occur, then you will know for sure that's all that they are.

    My SIL2B set her date in September for six months before ours (theirs is Feb, ours is Aug) and has straight away decided on same type of ceremony at a venue that looks uncannily like ours. H2B raised initial concerns nearly three months ago which resulted in his parents coming to stay with us so we could discuss how best to avoid any clashes of priorities in the lead-up to both weddings. Due to previous interference from MIL2B, all details of ours had been kept under wraps until that point, but we decided to share a few basic details that weekend, one of which was our colour scheme. This was explained to them at the time that we were doing so in order for them to take the appropriate action if they felt any more similarities were arising. We also felt better that they went away feeling more included in our plans too.

    Over the last few weeks, it all seemed to have gone suspiciously quiet, so when MIL2B called on Sunday, H2B decided to establish where their plans were up to. It turns out that by massive "coincidence", she has picked the exact same colour scheme and already ordered and paid for the bridesmaids' dresses in the very same colour.

    Both H2B and I are absolutely gutted, as the last eighteen months of planning, ordering and paying deposits for all things within that colour scheme just seem wasted. I'm angry and upset to say the least, but I'm more upset for H2B who just feels utterly disappointed and let down by his parents, who have seemingly allowed this to carry on without a care in the world. SIL2B doesn't seem to give a hoot but that's her general attitude to life!:\?

    I've felt really low all week, and we've tentatively agreed to go to his parents' in a couple of weeks time at the first opportunity that we're both off work. Personally, I don't think we're going to achieve much (must get hold of some Valium beforehand!) but at least they'll be left in no doubt as to the level of hurt and upset caused.

    Due to previous situations over the years, mainly with MIL2B, I don't find this whole fiasco a total shock and fully expected there would always be some issue over the wedding with the in-laws at some point. I just never believed it would ever be to this extent, and I now have to try and find a way to start rising above it all and enjoying planning our wedding once more.

    I don't think I can offer any pearls of wisdom at this point, but I do know that the most important thing is to not let it affect you and H2B's relationship, and for you to deal with it together so that his sister realises she's upsetting her brother, as well as you.

    So sorry I've just ranted on and on there Spice. I hope you get things sorted honey, and if you have any suggestions for me then just drop me a line.

    CP xxxxx
  • vixiebukvixiebuk Posts: 268
    I symapathise with both of you. I too have a SIL 2B just like this. I wont go into the whole story now (although it's posted on the emotional support page under 'im feeling used'!) which explains my situation.

    I find it utterly amazing how these girls/women feel the need to try and ruin our big days. I have decided to try and ignore it all now and just get on with being happy.

    At the end of the day we're getting married cuse we're in love and I think people who rush to get married to try and be better than somebody else or copy their ideas may have the wrong idea about what marriage is really about-and people will remember how happy the couple were on their big day and how in love they looked over any colour theme etc.

    Hope this helps to make you feel a little better!! x
  • Thanks Vixieb, and you're absolutely right. That's what I've been repeating in my head, over and over all week, and its also the advice that my fab parents gave us last weekend after this all kicked off.

    It really does help to know that there are others going through exactly the same traumas, and for us, having my parents on side being supportive but striving to be impartial for H2B's sake is so reassuring.

    As you say, it's so sad that women can behave like this to other women within the same family and treat the biggest day of their lives as a battle of one-upmanship.

    This morning brought my excitement back to me in one phone call - our Save the Date cards are being posted out to us today!

    Thanks again for your kind words and I'm sure we'll all have dream wedding days!

    CP xxxxx
  • vixiebukvixiebuk Posts: 268
    thats ok cp im glad I can help. We still have over a year to go before our wedding but im sooo excited and your right we will all have our dream days!!! x
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