problems with bridesmaids!!!

Hello ladies



I need some advice to my dilema. I only want one adult bridesmaid (who will be my best friend from childhood) and younger girls. However, and this is where my problem is, my H2B's sister expects to be bridesmaid. I havent said a word to her as i do not want her (cruel i know). Unfortunately, although she's 22 she acts like a 22 month old and i know when she realises she's not going to be our bridesmaid she will throw the biggest tantrum.........ever!!



I really dont want to feel backed into a corner and be bullied into having her as I know she will want to wear what she wants in the colour she wants, not what we want at all!!



I have suggested to my H2B that we ask her to do a reading and she could always get her outfit to co-rdinate with the bridesmaids so she can still feel included. He's in agreement with me about it all, although secretly i think he would like her to be bridesmaid.



The worst thing is that she introduced us to each other but now tries to make things difficult for us!!



Aaaarrrghh - has anyone else been in this situation and if so how did you deal with it?



Ok rant over.........I hope this doesnt make me sound like a complete b****

Posts

  • No, you don't sound like a b**** at all.



    It is your wedding, and your bridesmaids are there to support you. I too am only having one adult bridesmaid (my sister) and littlies but I had a friend who "assumed" she would be a bridesmaid because I was at her wedding. I went out for a coffee with her and explained that I couldn't afford to have a lot of bridesmaids and naturally my sister is my "right hand woman". I think the suggestion of asking her to do a reading is a great idea, it will demonstrate to her that you do value her and want her to be a part of your wedding.



    Good luck xxx
  • tuppenceuktuppenceuk Posts: 5,346
    I agree - ask her to do something else.



    if she's gonna tantrum you don't want the hassle of her anyway
  • totally agree with tuppence Leanne - if she is going the act like a 22 month old you dont want the stress of her on your big day or on the run up to it. I have a similar problem and one of my friends has assumed I am having her as a bridesmaid - I dont know why she thinks that as we are not that close and I wasnt hers for any of her 3 weddings (!!!!!) - I have heard through another friend that she thinks she is going to be.



    At the end of the day Leanne its your day and your bridesmaids are there for you - to help you on the run up to the day and to support you on the day - its your decision.



    Jess
  • mrsS1258mrsS1258 Posts: 459
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    [Modified by: becky1258 on December 19, 2006 06:05 PM]
  • How about this - if your husband to be wants her included more tell him to ask her to be his best woman.



    I'll bet he'll be more enthusiastic about the reading then!!
  • Hi have you had any more thoughts on this? Hope it all works out. Have been having some upset re bridesmaids myself so I can sympathise.

    Good luck x

  • Hi,



    I have made my sister-in-law to be bridesmaid as it wasn't fair to have my sister and not his. Problem is now that in my head my sister is maid of honour though I haven't said it out loud. I mentioned that I didn't expect sister-in-law to be on top table at reception and mother-in-law is saying she should be. I thought I may get away with it as she has just got together with someone so I said she'd probably prefer to sit with him on another table but mother-in-law is having none of it. Any suggestions?
  • banana_jambanana_jam Posts: 2,215
    Doodles may be joking but that's actually not a bad idea - ask her to be a female usher. The bridesmaids are there to support the bride - whereas surely she should be supporting her brother (the groom). Tell her if she wants to be involved, she should be involved in supporting him rather than you.





    There are a number of ways you can put her off being a bridesmaid, as well: how well does she know your family and your other bridesmaid, and is she really going to enjoy fussing around you all day rather than spending time with her own family? (If she has a boyfriend, even better: tell her if she's a bridesmaid she won't get to spend any time with him on the day because she'll be too busy in her bridesmaidly duties.) Can you think of anything she'd be really good at that she could help with? Then you could say to her "we would have asked you to be a bridesmaid but I really only wanted one, but we'd really like you to do x because you're so good at it". That way you've involved her and flattered her ego!





    I really don't get this thing about having to have the groom's sister as a bridesmaid - unless you are really close to her independently of your relationship with him, there's no reason why she should expect to be asked.



    Good luck!





    DLR - are the ushers sitting on the top table? If not, there's your solution: chief bridesmaid and best man only, if only for reasons of symmetry. And I don't think your MIL can argue with your sister being chief bridesmaid rather than her daughter!!




    [Modified by: banana_jam on December 21, 2006 11:56 PM]

  • No they're not. It just doesn't really seem to have occurred to MIL that my sister is chief bridesmaid and her reaction to events so far has put me off saying it out loud. That was my only reason for having one and not the other on top table. As if it's not bad enough that I couldn't have my God-daughters involved because h2b has about 10 cousins and we couldn't have god-daughters and not family. I personally would love to have everyone involved but the expense would have been ridiculous.
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