Planning? Is there anything that you regret?

I know it's easy to get caught up in the giddy world of weddings but is there anything that when you first started planning you were sure of that now you wish you'd done differently?

Have you gone for an expensive sophisticated venue when you think now the village hall would have done just as well?

Have you stuck to your budget meticulously yet now wish you'd splashed out on a more expensive dress?

Has your idea of the ideal wedding changed from when you started planning to now?

If you do have regrets about something you've done/booked etc or something you haven't done/booked would you change it, or is there too much pressure to keep with the original plan?


  • ellybeeellybee Posts: 1,381
    Hi Deecy,

    I don't have any regrets as such, nothing I'm really bothered about at least (lucky!).

    I guess I may not have gone for such an expensive venue. I LOVE our venue SOOOOO much but it's costing nearly £5K and maybe the second choice (which was OK but I didn't love) would have done really.

    And I maybe wouldn't have had bridesmaids. That sounds nasty but my sister has been a miserable cow about the whole thing and it's getting on my nerves to have to keep smiling at her and pretending she's not upsetting me).

    My idea of an ideal wedding has definitely changed. Before we got engaged we always said that when we got married we'd go to Las Vegas and get married in our jeans by Elvis. Once we were actually engaged and thinking seriously about it though I realised that actually it was really importatnt to me that my family and close friends were there to share the day with me and, damn it, I wanted a pretty dress!!!! Thankfully my partner also fessed up after we'd been engaged for a few days that he wanted a bigger do as well so we're both happy!

    In reality though I honestly wouldn't change a single thing.

    I know it's expensive but it's so beautiful with such a lovely atmosphere that I know it's wroth it.

    And I know that in the last few weeks and on the day my sister will really come through for me and I'll be so grateful she's there.

    I think the odd wobble about things is totally normal (I hope so anyway). For me it's just that there's so much choice out there. I'm not very confident and not very good at trusting the decisions I've made when I've chosen certain things (esp dress, we nearly always go shopping together and he's such a gem and so helpful in shops that choosing this important dress all by myself is quite nerve wracking!).

    Is there anything that you would have changed?

    Blimey I've really gone on!

    Elly X

    [Modified by: elly.bee on December 15, 2006 01:27 PM]
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    I'm not planning much, my ceremony is a civil partnership so don't have anything traditional that I SHOULD do, which is good because I can make it up as I go along!

    I worry about people who get caught up in their image of the perfect wedding fuelled by the media, retail marketing etc adding more and more to their day & in the end the day is more about their guests, their parents & what they feel they ought to do etc and not themselves.

    Although I don't subscribe so whole-heartedly to that idea as to go down the Vegas route as you considered, I do want my family there it's very important to me but most important is how I and my partner feel.

    I originally thought I wanted the traditional style wedding, the hotel setting the sit down meal, flowers, favours etc but when I questioned every aspect of what I was planning at the beginning I found I didn't want any of that. I was conforming to what a wedding should be like & not to what would be an ideal wedding for me. It would have been so easy to book a venue & then think "oh - I don't want this now"

    If I had my sister as a bridesmaid she'd be miserable too! But I may have felt pressured into picking her as a bridesmaid because that's what I should do. I hate being pressured! We're having my youngest daughter as a bridesmaid & she's the only one pressurising for that lol

    I love looking at things from a different point of view, thinking on a tangent, being different.

    You sound like you know what you're doing I wouldn't worry about making a wrong decision either along the way, you're only human & you always have your other half there for a second opinion - you can always blame him!
  • KorenaukKorenauk Posts: 627
    Im having the exact wedding i wanted,but im not spending too much. Well compared to some im not, i have an 8k budget and im bang on target.

    I love everything about the wedding we've planned, sometimes i think i must be weird coz i dont seem to worry about things that other are. I know the day will have its hiccups and wont be perfect.

    Every now and again i think it would have been easier to have got married abroad.

    We're having a castle wedding, but only inviting people we actually want there. i have two sisters & neither are bridesmaids, didnt feel i had to ask them.

    Im pretty laid back about the whole day!!

    So when did you set a date deecy?? last time we spoke you said you didnt have time to set a date!!

  • MrsJooMrsJoo Posts: 2,196
    I think I wouldn't have asked H2B's cousins to be bridesmaids. I suggested it to him that I was merely thinking about it and before I knew it he'd told his Nanna (their Nanna) so felt I had no choice. Now I look at the cost and I am worrying about how I will afford, hair; make-up; dresses; shoes; jewellrey; presents etc... norty H2B!!!

    I would have considered other venues too. We got engaged at the venue and fell head over heels in love with it. We looked at 1 or 2 other places but none of them compared. However, now we're needing to book accommodation for family and friends; they're starting to chitter on about the cost of bedrooms and aren't happy about it. I'm not saying I regret booking it, but I'm saying it worries me how people will react when they see the price of bedrooms and will it make them chose not to come? So I'm sort of saying, I wish we had looked around just that teeny bit more. But I'm also saying, me and H2B can't imagine marrying anywhere else now; its totally going to be our dream wedding!

    I regret booking the choc. fountain we've booked. I only found out after we'd paid the deposit, you have 2 people serving it all night and I want people to be able to help themselves!!! Not a major issue, but niggles me a bit!

    Other than that, I'm totally happy!!! Love our venue, my dress, our Photographer, band, florist!

    Joo xxx
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    Hi Korena

    We've set a date then un-set it. In the beginning it was 29th June 2008, then when we decided not to do the big planning thing we thought we'd bring it forward but the 29th June 2007 isn't a Sunday - we like the idea of a sunday, and the 29th is our anniversary - so moving it forward a year & having it on a non sunday or not on the 29th doesn't make it so special. We're also saving for a house so really it is going to be 2008 - as although we're not spending a lot - maybe £7 - £5K+ will be on our honeymoon, got to get those priorities right!

    You do sound laid back about the day, as you say things may go 'not to plan' most weddings have something that goes awry but it's nothing major - as McFly it's all about you! lol

    [Modified by: deecy on December 15, 2006 02:43 PM]
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    Hi Joo

    Your regrets are more 'if only's then?! That's good image

    The problem with researching more venues or caterers or whatever is the more you do it the more confusing it becomes, nothing is the same, you can't compare like with like.

    Plumping has it's place I think & plumping & not worrying about it is a very good thing to aspire to!
  • KorenaukKorenauk Posts: 627
    Dont get me wrong i want everyone to enjoy the day and i do want it to be perfect, but im not willing to get self all wound up.

    I couldnt justify spending loads on a dress, in fact i planned buying off ebay, but fell in love with one in a shop!

    But have to say half of our budget went on the castle and food. I didnt want a huge church wedding as not religious, david been married before but loved the idea of a castle wedding.

    When i pictured our wedding i thought it would be quite simple. But the more i thought about what i wanted, the more i realised i did want favours etc. Admittadly we've spent more than we really thought we would. But both happy with the out come!

    What we didnt want was a sit down 3 course meal, but if we wanted this castle we had to.

    Sounds like you have things planned tho! You say you dont have to do tradition with it being a civil ceremony, what will you both wear? Dresses or suits? What are your ideal plans for the whole day?
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    We did a castle wedding in Chesterfield & it was awesome - both photographically & from the wedding's point of view, the views were great & the castle background for shots was fabulous!

    The clothes thing is something I've not got a clue on really, my partner started off either wanting a dress (1st and only!) but then settled on a taylored white/ivory/cream suit - but she could still change her mind of course image

    I will be wearing a suit but I have no inspiration clothes wise as to what it'll look like. I don't think Moss Bros would do anything for me lol

    My daughter is very feminine and will doubtless be giving unheeded advice as to what to wear - her world revolves around clothes, make-up & spending hers, her boyfriend's & our money!

    She's my 'best-man' & will be in a frilly number I expect, along with youngest daughter (9)who's inherited my sense of style (ZERO) & is not afraid to show it image
  • I don't regret a thinkg that i've booked

    I'm happy with the photographer, i love, love, love my venue they're so helpful,

    I love my dress, the tables are going to look fab and the flowers (once we've chosen the florist) will look amazing. I love everything it's exactly how i wanted it.

    There are however 2 things i regret

    I regret caving about inviting my eldest sister. I don't want her there and i've always said this i'm terrified she'll wreck the day and i'm still severely peed off at my mum for guilt tripping me into it. The closer we get to the day the more i panic about it. Damn her!

    The second is choosing my bridesmaids, i chose 2 of my cousins and upset another in the process and chose my best friend who i'm now realising i am not a close to as i thought.

    Thanfully this regret i can fix as i'm going to tell all 3 that i've decided no bridesmaids after all.

    no if only i could get rid of my sister that easy

  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    I like your style! Good plan with the bridesmaids,

    What about getting some kind usher type gentleman to occupy your sister all day - or sending her the wrong directions to the venue!

    Seriously the best way to stop getting stressed is to not worry, she's one person out of hundreds possibly & she may yet surprise you?
  • KorenaukKorenauk Posts: 627
    Sounds like your clothes decision will be made for you!! Ha ha!! Two of our female friends got married almost 1 year ago now, and they wore cream taylored suites. 1 did her hair amd makeup all nice the other as shes puts it did nowt with her hair and makeup. But they both looked fantastic and enjoyed there day!!

    Thing is you wear what your comfy in! You having a registery office ceremony or in a hotel??

    So are you two taking a day off photography?? Sorry im asking so many questions. im nosey!!

    Will it be you and your partner doing our wedding? Wondering if i'll be getting the chance to meet you in the flesh thats all. Ha Ha!!
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    I was happy with registry office in our local town but my other half wanted The Priory in Ware which to be fare is nicer so the Priory it is.

    Yes Alex is the PC whizz side of the buisness - she's my second photographer. She's lurks in the shadows waiting for the opportunity to capture an unscripted photo!

    Yes we'll be taking a day off from photography - and then a fortnight off for the honeymoon.

    Out of interest does your castle have a contract for suppliers to sign? At Bolsover Castle the contract was quite harsh, no touching the walls etc!
  • KorenaukKorenauk Posts: 627
    Sounds nice!!! Im sure your day will be fab! Any idea of honeymoons yet?

    We have an appointment with castle sunday, so will ask the question! Anthing else you need to know?
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    can we use flash during the ceremony, if it's raining etc is there a room we can set lights up in? Bolsover Castle said NO!

    Nothing else I don't think
  • rfbreenrfbreen Posts: 412
    What a great thread!!! H2B and I were just talking about this the other day. There are only two things I would do differently. I wouldn't call the first a regret. I'm having three bridesmaids and my neice as a flower girl. It never dawned on me to have less than three bridesmaids (why I dunno). If I had known then what I know now about the cost of everything and the stress of co-ordinating three bridesmaids in three different countries, I would have only had my sister as bridesmaid and my neice. It would also have made getting ready on the morning less chaotic aswell I think.

    The second thing I sort of regret is that we aren't getting married in a Catholic Church. I'm originally from Ireland and the church played a big role in my upbringing. A lot of major life events centered around it. H2B wasn't keen on getting married in any church but he knows how important a church wedding is to me. He wasn't comfortable making the Catholic vows to raise our children in the church. We compromised by having it in a beautiful old CofE church near us. It is beautiful and the day will be perfect, but I can't help but be wistful about the break with family tradition.

    Other than that I'm totally happy with everything else we've planned.
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    Married life is about compromise & it starts in he planning I guess, if we all had partners that did everything we told them to without a murmur we wouldn't love them!
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    is it me or do I sound like Jeremy Kyle? lol
  • emsukemsuk Posts: 1,267
    we having a castle wedding too and love everything about it, the venue are great and we are only havign exactly who we want there, but if i could go back i think i would have looked around abit more for a florist.. she's great and will do a good job but it never occured me that i could do the centre pieces myself quite easily and so much cheaper !

    i would also have saved more between getting engaged (five years ago) and now !!!!!!!! may have helped ! other than that, its all good !
  • kht1468kht1468 Posts: 1,080
    Great thread Deecy..I think the regrets I have are caused by rash decisions... and not sitting back and thinking things thru properly.

    Had I taken my time then I'd not have

    : Bought metres of fabric which I now won't use as I've changed my mind on my colour scheme after trying on a coloured dress....

    : Asked someone to do the translations for us when e then realised one of our friends could - we live in Spain and are marrying here but wanted the ceremony translated into English for family.

    : Researched the local flower shops a bit better...and then I could have got my bouquet more locally

    So for me its been the wedding train (LOL) which I got caught up on which caused my decisions... but nothing that can't be sorted luckily.

    Kathy x
  • great question Deecy!

    only main thing is the date i guess - it's my nephews 3rd bday and it's brought up so many issues with my bro's wife. she isn't going to come to the wedding because it will 'spoil his bday' plus she doesn't like scotland because she 'got rained on once there' and it's 'too much hassle' and 'expensive' (actual quotes). after telling us all that she then came out with "aw we wished you'd be marrying abroad so we could go on holiday!" we think she's using the nephews b'day as an excuse not to come and none of the family can believe she's being so crazy. she wont talk to any one about it and started crying when her mum tried to convince her to go! (her mum and cousins want to come but she doesnt!!!!) anyway that's a topic for emotional support really, I'll be gutted if she convinces my bro not to come - he's so under the thumb I'm not sure he will. so anyway I cant help wondering if we hadn't have chosen that date would they come.

    So that aside I am having the wedding I'd always joked about but secretly actually really wanted (medieval as you all know!) I did want all my friends and family there so it is what we'd both like. We did toy with the idea of marrying at a festival (couldn't get all friends there and would miss some of the festival) or abroad (nice but would then be on hol with family!) plus wouldnt get all guests wanted. Thenw e though small in a castle - but we just couldn't cut down the guest list.

    so what we're doing is what we want. it's just when things get difficult that you think "surely it would be easier to run off to gretna green and then go on holiday!" happy with food, entertainment so far (touch wood)

    but really no regrets, i love the day 07/07/07 and nothing has put us off yet!
  • moogyukmoogyuk Posts: 185
    Not so much regret, but wonder if we had done things differently! Our venue is bloody expensive, just for hiring it! But no where else would do, we wanted spiritual, without the religion! the Matara centre is beautiful, but we both joked maybe we should have eloped and spent the cash on a wicked honeymoon! we really couldnt scrimp anymore ,but weddings cost soooo much money!

    The worse thing is, I'm actually dreading alot of the wedding! i dont like being centre of attention, or having my picture taken! i wouldnt normally wear a frock! So i sometimes wonder if we should have done it really quiet with just us and the kids!
  • I still have a fair few things to organise but I regret booking the photographer we originally selected.

    We saw a few people but everyone says that you need to sort your photographer asap so we rushed into making a decision and we went for the cheapest and most cheerful person.

    We realised that we had made a mistake though and have since booked another photographer who we're 100% sure about.

    I felt bad about cancelling the original photographer as I don't like letting people down and also we lost our deposit.

    It all came out in the wash though.
  • SamiukSamiuk Posts: 37
    Good question Deecy. My simple answer is yes I regretted everything I had chosen to do with our reeption so I cancelled everything and started again! Ha ha! By the way no money was spent on our old reception, if there was then I would probably have just lived with it. Sami xx
  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    hehe, well done for having the conviction to change everything because it wasn't right for you image
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