someone other than dad (whos alive) to give you away?


I am having a dilemma!

Are any of you asking someone else to give you away other than your dad?

I was thinking of asking my brother to give me away instead of my dad (parents divorced when i was very young) as i am not close to my dad. Has anyone else been in this predicament? I did think of asking mum but she says she thinks brother should do it!!

Any one have any advise on how i can tell my dad (he may be relievd as this means he wont have to do a speech!)

Any thiougts gratefully received!!



  • I have the same probelm. I have decided to ask my brother to walk me down the aisle, as my Dad isn't really around.

    I have emalied my Dad to let him know that I am getting married, but do not intend to invite him. I think my Dad would be happier that my brother is walking me down the aisle instead of my mum or step-dad.

    If you are on speaking terms with him, I would give him a call and let him know. I am sure he will understand if you are not that close.

    Good luck.


  • Hi, I'm not close to my dad either but my two sons (9 and 11) are going to give me away and they are sooo excited about it! If they hadn't wanted to I would have asked my mum but wouldn't really have been comfortable with that. image
  • shoegal10ukshoegal10uk Posts: 1,308
    Having never spoke to my dad he will def not be giving me away, never had me to give me away! lol

    I'm mega close to my gran and papa so my wee papa will be giving me away, it brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it!! awww!! x

    Just go with what you feel right with ,its your big day after all and im sure ur dad will understand! x
  • i would love my grandad to give me away but he passed away 5 yrs ago.

    Am i mean tho by not wanting dad to give me away? what will his parents and brothers think??
  • pot_of_goldpot_of_gold Posts: 5,254
    My parents divorced when I was 2. While I now have a good relationship with my dad I don't feel that he has always been there for me througout my life.

    I have asked my mum to give me away as she brought me up and she is the one who symbolically should give me away to my h2b.

    I have explained to my dad that this is nothing against him, but a way to show my mum how much everything she has done has meant to me.

    My dad is doing a reading in the ceremony so he is involved and he is still giving his speech and sitting at top table.

  • hi, I think you need to think about it really hard, because you could really really upset your dad, most dads dream about giving their little girls away from the moment their born. in an ideal world i would love my dad and my step dad to give me away but i know it would hurt my dad so much. my friend was in the same predicament as you and really wnated her brother to do it and thought her dad wouldnt mind, but in the end she just couldnt upset her dad. it does completly depend on how you think your dad will react, but once you have said it, its out, theres no going back xxx hope this helps xxx
  • Hi WeddingBird,

    My Dad is too ill to walk me up the aisle (will be waiting at the front in a wheelchair) so I am walking myself up the aisle!

    This actually works out OK for us as the church is so small that there wouldn't be room for both of us anyway!

    At the end of the day, you should do what feels right to you!

    Silver 25 x
  • I've just met my Dad for the first time ever and think it's too soon to decide who I want to walk me down the aisle but I just know someone will be upset or offended! H2B hasn't yet come round to my latest idea of jetting of to Vegas so we can marry and avoid a family feud!
  • My grandad is giving me away. My parents divorced when I was 7 and since the age of 11/12 I've never really seen my father much and over the years I have grown to really dislike my father and his family(please dont stone me for saying that, alot has happened over the years) so none of them will be invited, I'm not even bothering to tell them I'm getting married it's just not worth the hassle.

    I am more than comfortable with my grandad giving me away and I know that he is over the moon to be asked.

    At the end of the day it's your big day and what you want and what makes you feel comfortable matters the most. I'm sure if you explain things to your dad then he will be happy to go along with what ever you want.
  • Thanks for all of this. I like the idea of dad doing it but not sure he deserves the honour! brother lovs the idea of him (my bro) doing it! not looking forward to telling dad! will wait a while, got til august to to wedding so no rush to decide!
  • BambagirlBambagirl Posts: 7,506
    My Dad is terminally ill and although he's still likely to be around at the time of my wedding (4 months away) it's getting less likely that he'll attend. My sister asked who I would have to give me away and I told her that I preferred to think that I wasn't really anybody else's property TO give away! She said that she meant "escort me down the aisle". Of course, it's perfectly in order to have one's mother do this nowadays, but I never even suggested it to any of my family members. I do have 3 grown-up sons as well. My Mam & my sister suggested I asked my younger brother so my sons wouldn't feel I'd favoured one of them over the other 2.

    Dad might just be able to make it but I don't think he'd manage the walk down the aisle towards the altar with me. Maybe my brother could escort me down the aisle and my Dad do the bit where they pass your hand over?

    Bambagirl x
  • pot_of_goldpot_of_gold Posts: 5,254
    I think it did upset my dad when I didn't ask him to do it MrsDykes 2b and I felt awful, but then I realised that it isn't something he should just get to do, its a privilege and he had not earned that privilege by not being there for me.

    My mum had and after I thought about it that way I didn't feel so bad.

  • Quoted:
    i would love my grandad to give me away but he passed away 5 yrs ago.

    Am i mean tho by not wanting dad to give me away? what will his parents and brothers think??

    It doesnt matter what they think its your day, I am having my 4 year old son give me away as I am not close to my dad and would love my grandad to give me away but the idea of my son having the job just meant so much to me and my h2b, im sure they will understand maybe more than you realise just make sure your happy thats what matters good luck :\)
  • my granda as i hate my step dad with a passion also my grama and granda brought me up
  • snuggsuksnuggsuk Posts: 292
    You just have to tell him as as soon as you have made your decision, am sure he will understand

    I just text my step dad (i rarely see him now) and said hope you wont take offence but...... and he didnt reply, so i think it may have upset him but he hadnt bothered asking about wedding plans until then, he has since though hehe.

    Its an honour to give you away so choose someone who really deserves it.
  • i keep having this conversation with my gram. she is my FATHERS mother and i keep trying to explain that he has neveeen there, and therfre has never earned the right to "give me away"

    to be honest i dont give a s*** if he is upset or not about this as i didnt even want to invite him at all, and am only doing to keep my gram happy.

    my mum has always been the one who would walk me down the isle and even when my step father was alive he always knew he wouldnt be doing it, as it wasnt his job it as my mums. she has been the one to bring me up, see me through good and bad times sit up with me as a child when i was ill etc etc etc.

    i fully understand why some women have their brothers insteadn of their dads and not their mums. but i dont have a brother. maybee if i did i would have had him. who can say.

    you have to do what feels right for you at the end of the day.

  • I'm not close to my dad either and no sisters

    or brothers, so I had my head bridesmaid walk

    me down.

    But a brother would be a good idea for you!

  • My 12 year old son will be giving me away and i am very proud of him!
  • Hi, my dad left when i was sixteen and hasn't really been in my life so am having my mum walk me down the aisle as we are really close and she is the one who deserves too. When i asked her she was so happy and now really excited about making a speech and the whole day. I am an only child but even if i had brothers my Mum would have been my first choice x
  • Hi

    Your dilemma brought back memories of my wedding. My Father came to our wedding but did not give me away as he suffers various phobias. I spoke with my Dad about it and my brother gave me away. It worked out really well.

    If you are on speaking terms with your Dad, perhaps let him know your plans.

    Hope goes well.
  • lauzyuklauzyuk Posts: 544

    I always thought my dad would walk me down the aisle, my parents are going thought thier divorce now but i have always been close to him, until recently since he has found a new partner and i have taken a back seat which i dont mind as i know we both have different lives now but it was a shock to hear that HE doesnt want to walk me down the aisle.

    So im going to ask my mums dad who im close to, to give me away, im sure it will make his day!.

    Lauzy x
  • Hi Wedding bird,

    I had my mum give me away. My mum was worrying about it due to the speech. I spoke with my husband about this and he said if my mum writes down what she would like to say he would say it. It all went really well on the day and to help with things my husband joked about saying he likes the sound of his own voice so would be doing my mums speech on behalf of her.
  • FeeFee232FeeFee232 Posts: 1,159

    My parents are not divorced but they decided not to attend my wedding. They informed me when I told them I was getting married that they doubted they would be there.

    Knowing this I made plans around the fact that they were not going to be present but still hoped they would change their minds. No they went to the Canary Islands for the week I got married.

    Who did I ask to give me away? My dear old boss who was delighted to do it.

    So you have to make the best decision for you and make the day yours.

    Best wishes.

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