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Traditional church v's relaxed/alternative....

I got engaged at the end of last month and already we can't agree about even the basic overview of the wedding day image

My fiance is catholic and wants a church ceremony (tho I'm sure it's more what his mum wants than him personally

) and I have no desire whatsoever to have any kind of church ceremony.

Much as I love his mum & I don't want to fall out with her, it's not her wedding, it's mine!!!

The idea of walking down an aisle in a massive church actually fills me with complete dread, I just want a small, intimate ceremony and for the whole thing to be pretty casual. I'd rather have a hog roast or a BBQ than a sit down 3 course meal but he seems to picture this big white, traditional church wedding day...

Already he's mentioned all these long lost relatives his mum wants to invite - people who he doesn't even know!!

I don't want a bunch of complete strangers at my wedding, I'm leaning towards doing a bunk to Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator ;o but apparently his mum would never speak to us again image

Ugh, anyone else managed to come to a resonable compromise about this kind of thing, we just seem poles apart on our wedding ideas at the moment image


  • How2IDoHow2IDo Posts: 11

    It can be really hard to keep everyone happy with you wedding plans as everyone will have their individual ideas and expectations of how your day should be. It's great if you can reach a compromise and try to keep everyone happy.

    I would sit down with your fiance and ask him which elements of the day are most imporrtant to him and which he's not that bothered about. Then maybe you can each agree to have control of certain elements or try to meet in the middle on those that you both feel strongly about.

    Could you perhaps have a more relaxed civil ceremony and then follow it with a short blessing to include the religious element. All of your ideas for a relaxed wedding and barbeque sound great. With food for example you could have a more formal meal in the day and then a hog roast instead of a buffet in the evening.

    To keep your mother in law involved, maybe give her an area to organise that you aren't that interested in, like sourcing the cake. That will make her feel special, save you time and hopefully leave you to organise the bits you really enjoy.

    Good luck and try to stay calm and remember that everyone is excited and wants to be involved. When I was engaged I didn't want my family to interfere with the planning but now I'm married and have a daughter of my own I can see that if she gets married I would really want to help her and to feel part of the day -not just be a guest like anyone else.

    Steph x
  • july2011july2011 Posts: 817
    Explain to your H2B how important it is to do what you two want, not anyone else

    Perhaps tell MIL2B she organise the christening of your first child instead.

    It's so important you do what you want to do and make the day personal to you.

    Although, I vote for Vegas! image
  • can I just say we're getting married in church and it is tiny! it's a really cute country one and doesn't feel grand or daunting at all, our vicar is lovely and friendly and we're inserting our own readings to make the service more light hearted and not so scary! so a church wedding isn't always hugely grand and ours feels very small and intimate. image
  • SpecialSundaeSpecialSundae Posts: 3,029
    I faced a very low key version of this, although I had a great get-out clause.

    My fiance's family have always done the "church then hotel" thing for weddings and so there was an expectation that he would get married in church (even though even his grandfather was a confirmed atheist and G himself is terrified of churches).

    I kind of put a major stop on that... by being Jewish AND an atheist (though I have a feeling that the latter wouldn't have been a good enough excuse for some of them).

    If you are not religious then it's a little wrong to get married in church anyway!

    There are lots of fantastic venues where you can come to a compromise between a "big white wedding" and "a relaxed wedding".

    We're getting married in a castle with a Humanist celebrant (we're in Scotland, so it's our legal ceremony). I will have a seriously big "white" (pale gold, but who's quibbling) dress, he will be wearing a kilt, there are bridesmaids and flowergirls and a piper.

    It all looks like a "big, white wedding" but for the fact that we have an ice cream cart turning up after the ceremony and there will be a "hairy haggis hunt" during the drinks reception and in general it will be a fairly informal day... in a formal setting and formal clothes.

    Sit down with your husband to be and talk about what is really important to both of you. Do not be talked into a church wedding unless you are comfortable with it.
  • Quoted:
    Perhaps tell MIL2B she organise the christening of your first child instead.

    It's so important you do what you want to do and make the day personal to you.

    That's a great idea, because I actually have no interest in Christenings but she'd love it!! image
  • Quoted:
    can I just say we're getting married in church and it is tiny! it's a really cute country one and doesn't feel grand or daunting at all

    If only there was a choice of church, it's the 'family' church where they've all been christened, confirmed etc which I've never been to in my life

    I think realistically that's what's irritated me more, just the assumption that I'll have my wedding in a church I've never even seen, let alone set foot in

    I'm going to exaplin to my h2b that our wedding plans need to be made together, I wouldn't impose a venue or decision on him without consulting him and I don't like it being done to me
  • If you are close to his mum you should point out that this is your day and you should be the that makes the decision where you get married. Sadly people get very pushy with weddings etc, O cant blame you for wanting to run away and get wed !! cant you get your H2B to have a word with her, especially if you are not a Catholic, STAND UP GIRLIE !! THIS IS YOUR DAY !!!! good luck Hun x
  • Ooo that is a shame.. no I don't think you should have a venue imposed upon you esp just because of history, your venue needs to be something special and meaningful to you image

    Definitely speak to h2b image This needs to be resolved image
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