venues are horrificly hard

we are TRYING to find a venue for our wedding next august (im so tempted to push it back a year coz im getting so stressed out) and im finding it very difficult. iv contacted pretty social clubs (i dont care how bratty it is i want something thats pretty) my mother is driving me mad. shes invited herself to come along to view them all with us and keeps making me look like an idiot by shouting at me for the questions im asking, i know its annoying andy but we cant say anything as my parents are kinda paying for it so i have to grin and bear it really. now shes saying i should just have a buffet and i dont want just a buffet i want a breakfast too but then its who to invite!!!

 

seriously how the heck do i do this im tempted to give him the ring back and say it was fine before... lets just carry on like we were MEH

 

doesnt help his idiot parents want him to pjush it back either SOMEONE HELP ME

Posts

  • WelshyWelshy Posts: 67

    It is really difficult. We searched for ages to find one we liked that was also in our budget and we still might not be able to have it!

    It's frustrating when other people try and give input but take a breath and keep looking, you will find something you like eventually. Maybe sit down with your mum away from the venues and talk about what it is you both want. Could your mum give you a rough idea of what they are willing to pay? It might be that they are worried about the expense. This does sound like a possibility as she is suggesting the buffet option/ Then you could do research online/vie email to get an idea of which venues work within the budget.

     

  • izziepizziep Posts: 40

    they wont give us a budget she just keeps saying "we will sort it" which is difficult. one minute she wants me to have it as cheap as possible the next she wants me to have all the frills and fancies to out do so and sos child. i can see me having a huge argument about it to be honest. shes currently telling me to look at all the VERY posh hotels. were hoping as its a thursday they can knock the prices downa  bit lol. she wants just a buffet because then everyone will be there rather than having to face not inviting her friends (not mine.. her friends im not allowed my friends at the breakfast apparently) to the wedding breakfast lol

     

    im making her sound vile but shes not shes a lovely mum shes just excited and her excitement is coming across as EVIL lol

  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253
    if i were you id politely turn down the offer of them paying and save up your own pennies or if they want to contribute then either set it as something specific so you can just get on with it. I've seen so many families tearing themselves a part because of people paying for things, parents wanting what the couple don't and all that happens is the parents get what they want and the couple doesn't. i can't understand it, remember who's day it is and work out what's important to YOU. its ridiculous if your mum can have her friends and you can't



    ITS YOUR DAY!!!!!

    she had hers. when you have your kids will you dictate what they can and can't have?!
  • thirdthingthirdthing Posts: 582

    I agree with Nats - save up and then you can have what you want (allthough it won't stop other people trying to influence you!)

    You will be in control of your budget - and you will know what it is too!

    Visit some venues with your fiance - your mum can't invite herself if she doesn't know you are going.  Talk it through with him, discuss what you could afford for August 2013 and what you could afford if you saved til August 2014, how you could save by cutting down on guests (such as your Mum's friends and their children)

    You can have a church/register office wedding fairly inexpensively if you cut out some of the 'extras' and then have a sit down meal/afternoon tea in a local restaurant/pub/club for the people YOU want there.

  • I would go and look at venues that you like, and that you can afford.  My parents offered to help, but didn't really tell us to what extent, so we just did our own thing and looked at venues that we could afford.  We invited both sets of parents to view the venue with us before ww paid the deposit as we valued their input.

    A couple of weeks after we booked, they asked us for the breakdown on costs and kindly agreed to pay for the full day cost (venue/wedding breakfast/drinks/buffet).  We could have afforded it ourselves but it has enabled us to book a honeymoon which we never thought we'd be able to have.

     

  • oooo how did you manage to get that deal lol im so jealous. but iv still not found a venue. it looks like were having around 80 in the day :S pretty much all family (hope hope hope some will be on holiday) then "family friends"  my dad is however on my side and told her off yesterday. i hope we get a good deal too

    we cant save up (well we could) wed just have to stop feeding the children lol. were at that awkward stage where we have to just finish off patying for car finance and sofas etc then well be fab but its just a bore waiting for them all to finish, then the wedding wont be for ages and the longer we leave it the less chance my gran will be there (shes 92 and not really 100%) its wishful thinking hoping shell be there next august but theres more chance of that than in 5 years time if that makes sense... luckily dad is incharge and he told my mum off yesterday. i know shes excited and i know she means well shes just hard work at times lol. 

     

    so i think we decided on 80 for the day (big family... annoyingly big family) and 140 for the night time ... talking of night times do you have to cater for everyone you invite or 80/90% etc

     

  • i sound like such a spoilt princesss haha... id lie and say im not but i am i KNOW how lucky we are that my mum and dad want to pay for everything so i shouldnt moan i just feel like i need to stomp my feet more hehe. sorry ladies xxx

  • You just need to be firm about some things.  We're doing our whole wedding for £3k.  38 people in the day, registry office do and then afternoon tea in nearby hotel, we then have 90 guests in the evening for dancing, drinking and mingling.  We've had to be harsh with our guest list, and a significant portion of my family aren't being invited.  But 2 weeks after the wedding my parents are hosting a small do for their friends and family members who didn't come to the wedding.  Mainly as we're marrying 200miles away from my parents home, but also they are family that we rarely see or speak to and we felt very strongly that our wedding should be shared with people close to us.  There have been a couple of stressful moments this week from H2Bs family, but it has now been sorted.

    It's very true though that even if you're paying for your own wedding, it doesn't stop people interferring and offering their "opinions".  You just have to practice your response - "we appreciate your comments, but this is what we have decided is the best for us so please respect our choices".

    On the comment of catering for the evening, you have to check with your venue, ours insists on catering for 100% of guests, and we're having bacon and sausage sandwiches and chip cones in the evening.  If your venue lets you under cater I wouldn't go any less than 90%, because my parents have been to a couple of weddings recently that were woefully under-catered (buffet in the daytime) and A LOT of guests actually got takeaway during the day-evening break.

  • oh lord thats awful ill ust cater for everyone then i can get a doggy bag hahaha (can you imagine that a bride with tupperwear haha)

     

    we went to his mums last night and were presented with a list of 48 people "who we are to invite" which was just what i needed to grow some balls and i lipped and said "im not trying to be awkward or rude but theres no chance all of these peoplea re getting an invite" so we decided auntys uncles cousins our parents and grandparents are a given

     

    then i get 10 guest slots

    andy gets 10

    his parents get 10

    and mine get 10 (well realistically they get however many they want coz they are paying for it but this was just to be fare)

     

    and cousins plus 1s and random family friends had to come out of the 10 slots.... was still too many people so then i just deleted names of folk i didnt like/know

    my girly friends are going to come to the church then when we go for the wedding breakfast they are going to a restaurant nearby and my dads said he'll put £50/£100 behind the bar there for them so they can enjoy themself too then they are coming to the party after. 

    feeling slightly better now hehe. xxx 

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