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Chief Bridesmaid Needs Your Help!

Hi Everyone!

My best friends wedding is on June 28 and I'm honoured to be her Chief Bridesmaid, though I'm having a few problems!

My friend has been very involved in the organising of the Hen Night, which is fine, as I know she's getting what she wants this way. However, planning surprises for her has been quite difficult! For example, the other day she casually said 'Do you think we should decorate the apartment?' - this is something I was planning to do in advance of our arrival, so it would be a surprise for her when we got there!

I'm having trouble with the few surprises I have organised for her also. One thing I'm doing is gift bags for everyone in attendance. With the hen, of course I'm putting a few extras in! But generally it's about £8.00 for the contents of each bag (14 girls attending). I've still to buy the actual bags (nightmare finding neon bags - theme is 80s). But the hen has since added two people and invited another! It's costing more and more because I'm paying again for delivery, and of course for the items themselves. I'm also making bags for people who are only coming to part of the hen night (the bride wanted to give people the option to come later/not stay over etc.).

She also mentioned sashes yesterday - I was planning on getting her a lovely 'Bride to Be' sash but I've just found out she's wanting sashes for everyone. This is coming to an extra £30.00...I can't blame the bride for asking for this little thing, but she doesn't know how much I'm already spending! (the only other bridesmaid is 12, and we had enough trouble getting people to come for the cost of the hen night, so am pretty sure they won't chip in for anything else - we had to take out an 80's dance class from the itinerary because people thought it was all too expensive). I've also ordered her a limo to take us from her aunts house through to the apartment in Edinburgh (her two aunts and fiancé are chipping in with me for this).

It's costing £350 to stay overnight in the hotel she's having her wedding in (it's not local, and the bride is SO eager to have people stay at the actual hotel - her family aren't so I feel obliged to stay. She has these wonderful visions of us all sitting down for breakfast the day after the wedding). I've still to buy decorations for the apartment, nibbles and drinks for everyone arriving. I've still to buy her veil/L plates etc. The hen night itself is £76 (not including dinner or drinks) I'm making a photo book full of pictures of her when she was younger and with her friends, with lovely messages in it too. But it's all adding up...

I don't know what to do, I don't want to ruin any surprises (because it's been hard arranging them in the first place) but I don't know how much longer I can afford to keep adding people in and buying things she has her heart set on! I want her day to be amazing, and feel selfish posting my frustrations but I don't know what to do?! Do I mention to her if she asks for anything else that I don't have much more of a budget?

The last issue I'm having is to do with my bridesmaid dress fitting. I've been trying really hard to lose weight for the fitting (not just the fitting, I really need to lose weight anyway!) but it's 2 months before the actual wedding and my friend says I'll need to stay the same weight for those 2 months...I feel stuck as I don't want to stay the same weight. I'm paying for the gym and it's time where I could be shedding lbs! I want to feel good for the wedding but my friend doesn't seem to want me to lose any weight, and keeps saying things like 'I don't mind how you look!' Am I being selfish wanting to lose a little more? I'd be happy to pay for a fitting nearer the time, but don't like to mention that as recently she was talking about the co


  • Oh, I was going on and it's stopped! Last part said she was talking about the cost of having a Bridesmaid, and specifically mentioned the fitting!


  • BexgreenBexgreen Posts: 505

    You need to tell her that you have things all in hand with regards to the hen and to trust you with the planning and to leave you to it - tell her you have some surprises in store for her and that you will make sure she has an amazing time. Could you not ask people for a small contribution towards the bags thats what we did.


    You also need to say that as you have let me organise it then to leave you to it. My friends along with my bridesmaids are organising mine and im asking no questions because i trust them 100%.

    With regards to the weight loss if happy to pay for your own alterations then i dont see what the issue is.

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    She is so lucky to have such a thoughtful and organised person organising her hen do! image Its sounds like you have lots of plans and lots of things are in place and she will have a fabulous time as she will be surrounded by all her close family and friends.

    I agree that you could say that you want to keep certain things a surprise and pick out what specifically she has said she REALLY wants. But I am sure she will have a fantastic time even if everyone doesn't have a sash. 

    You could try and save costs by asking her Mum to pay for nibbles? or make the sashes (team up with some other girls)? You can make books with photos for about £10 on the net, instead of photographing the past you could focus on the hen do and give this to her on the morning of the wedding? I did this for my best mate, just asked everyone to send me their photos and I did it on snap fish quite easily and cheaply.

    Sounds like everything is under control and she will really appreciate everything you have done image

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 272 New bride

    Do you mean that after the fitting has been done, she doesn't want you to lose any more weight as the dress may not fit you any more? That's fair enough isn't it? She won't want to pay for two sets of alterations.


    As for the hen night thing, you shouldn't be stumping up so much cash for it. Why would you pay for the sashes for everyone? I think get the individuals to pay for their own or get the bride to pay for them. Or see if someone has used ones from their own hen night

  • I agree that you shouldn't pay for so much. My maid of honour organised a 'memories box' for my hen party. Everyone contributed something, either photos, a charm, a gift, a token to represent a funny memory, a wedding day survival kit and a bride teddybear. It was really moving and it meant everyone took on a little bit of it. There were lots of things that didn't really cost. Mr and Mrs and a A-Z word game of wedding vocabulary. It all made for a lot of fun without anyone spending a lot and they are all lovely surprises.

    I think you must ask everyone to pay for a sash or tell her that you can't buy them and whether she wants to buy them herself. I also think the idea of asking her family or maybe a friend who can't make it for a contribution would be reasonable.

    As for the dress fitting; can't you tell her that you are losing weight and you don't want to lose momentum with it so could you have your fitting later? I think it's really nice you want to do these things for your friend but you can't go overboard with the spending.

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    I think for the Hen your options are a) forget the sashes - I'm sure she'll be so happy with all the other lovely stuff you've organised that she won't even notice or b) ask the hen's if they'd all be happy to chip in a few quid to cover the cost of sashes, her veil etc etc.  I'm currently organising my friends hen so I totally get how expensive it all can get.  Personally I just wanted a hen for myself that everyone would be able to attend (i.e. affordable and not far away) but some people just don't seem to consider such things!  I think you've already spent more than enough putting together goodie bags for everyone, I wouldn't take on anymore costs yourself.

    As for the fitting...that's a bit of a trickier one.  She isn't just being difficult there, it's the shop that advises having the fitting 2 months before, and it's not unreasonable for her to not want you to lose a lot of weight after she's paid for your dress to be altered to fit you properly.  You could ask her to speak to the shop to see if you'd be able to do it a little closer to the wedding instead, or perhaps you could take the dress elsewhere.  Certainly don't let her pay for a fitting if you don't intend on the dress still fitting you by the wedding.

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