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Bridesmaid stress

Right where to begin! We got engaged in October and have booked our wedding for July 2015, my OH has picked his 3 brothers as his groomsmen (one is Best Man) but I am really struggling to choose Bridesmaids. I don't have a best friend or friend/family member who is exceptionally close to me & my friends mostly come in groups (i.e. the 4 girls I went through school with) within the groups no one friend sticks out as being closer to me than the others. Some of them I also speak to a lot but rarely actually meet up with (i.e. University friends who live all over the country) Each group I feel would be good at a certain part of the wedding process (i.e. out of all my friends I think the girls I went to school with would be best at planning the hen do). I also have 1 sister but we're not mega close.

I don't want to have LOADS of bridesmaids but equally do want help and support along the way. I've read about not having bridesmaids as such but a group of people with various roles throughout the planning process but I've notice people either seem to love or hate this idea and I don't want any of my friends to feel they're being used for the planning process without any real recognition (if I went this way I'd make sure they all had a corsage or something similar to wear on the day so they do feel different to other guests but obviously that's not the same as having the bridesmaids dress etc.)


Really unsure what to do about it keep going round and round in circles in my head! Anyone been in a similar position or can offer any help/advice?!


  • NuggyNuggy Posts: 527

    If your friends are all over the country this would make it hard for them to be giving you much support. Even though you aren't super close to your sister if she lives near you and you feel she would step up to the responsibility then maybe consider may bring you closer together x

  • Purple rainPurple rain Posts: 926

    You said it in the tile. in my experience and I know it's not everyone's but they do cause stress. Hence me not having any now. doesn't mean your friends can't be involved.

  • natsxonatsxo Posts: 268

    I'm the same I moved around alot when I was younger and missed out on best friend sort of things, I the. went from job to job til i joined the navy and now, I wouldn't have a clue who to pick if I was to pick a friend. 

    every time I was bridesmaid when I was younger, it was always family so I have choosen my closest family member,s my brothers girlfriend of two years, she is one of the nicest people I have ever met, is honest, brutal and smiles with it !! and I have picked my partners youngest cousin well she's 18! I don't really think there is a set criteria, I just thin it you have to be able to trust them which I do one hundred percent to help and be honest. 

  • MrsBailey2beMrsBailey2be Posts: 302

    thanks guys. My OH's best friend is a girl but she has said before she doesn't like being a bridesmaid so I've suggested we ask her to be a witness or do a reading- also think my friends would be a bit put out if I had none of them but had her as bridesmaid!

    I was thinking maybe asking different people to help with different things- so one friend who lives nrly 2 hrs away I thought I'd invite down to come look at dresses with me so it's just one trip down she'd need to make, then the girls who live nearby I'd ask to plan the hen do, so everyone has their part (about 10 ppl in total) without putting any one person out too much, but I don't want anyone to feel cheated that they're being asked to help with 'bridesmaid duties' without getting the recognition of the title of 'bridesmaid'?!

    Argh so hard! Wish now I just had a BEST friend!

  • MrsG23MrsG23 Posts: 231

    Maybe just have your sister? It could be a way to form a closer bond with her as it is something you can share and experience and get excited with together? image 


  • I think it's lovely to have lots of Bridesmaids. But obviously this is a very personal consideration and it won't be the same for everyone. I am having my closest school friends & my sister as my Bridesmaids.

    It makes planning so much more exciting being able to share it with all of them! 

    I loved this post on Bridesmaids Feedback & being a cool bride, worth reading before you decide!

  • OutlawOwlOutlawOwl Posts: 649
    If your wanting bridesmaids for help and support then I wouldnt bother. 2 of mine were pretty rubbish and the third was too far away to actually help until the day before. I had my two best friends and my sister. One of my friends turned up to my hen caused an argument then refused to stay and my sister didnt even wait till pudding before she left my other hen. All they did was cause me stress and tears. It needs to be someone you want there and they want to help and support you too image
  • BexgreenBexgreen Posts: 505

    Its still a while off yet i wouldnt make any decisions until closer to the time

  • MrsBailey2beMrsBailey2be Posts: 302

    Thanks only just been the last few messages. Still really struggling. I'd like to decide by July coz that's when I'm planning on going dress shopping (yay!) so would be nice to invite them along. I feel like having my sister would just be because it's 'the done thing' we get on fine but I'm even concerned about her coming on the hen do (which of course she'll have to be invited to) because we've never done the whole going out drinking thing together, don't feel like I'll relax properly. I think I'm okay with not having someone walking down the aisle/sitting at the top table etc. but don't want to be alone when doing things like dress shopping or the night before the wedding. Do you think people would feel cheated if I just asked them along to various bits along the way to be part of the planning but not have any official bridesmaids?!

  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    No I don't think they would mind that at all! Particularly if you say that you are not having any bridesmaids, but just want people to be involved in different thins. It's a nice idea.

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    You won't be alone the night before your wedding, I had two bridesmaids but the night before and the day my sil and a uni friend were more help, I think that's because my sil had only got married herself four years ago and my uni friend has been a bridesmaid so many times she knew what to do, were as my actual bridesmaids had never been bridesmaids before so while fab were both stressing about various bits of the day, like pictures and walking up the aisle, plus they had partners to look after, were as my uni friend was on her own and sil knew my brother would be okay left to his own devices.

    The other option is ask them all to wear a certain colour, or couple of colours but buy their own dresses, tell them you can't choose between your friends for bridesmaids but want those that helped you to stand out you also want a fab shot with your girls and will advise other guests not to wear those colours.

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    By the way my sil had no bridesmaids, one friend did a reading the other was a witness, but my brother only had a bestman

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