Help please....

Help please!


We got engaged on Xmas day, hilarious proposal involving him dropping the ring infront of 30 family members!


I suffer quite badly from anxiety and since we started looking at venues and figures I'm so stressed, trouble sleeping and my head is just spinning image I don't know where to begin and it all just seems so overwhelming


  • MrsF14MrsF14 Posts: 131

    Lists lists and more lists, although I wasn't too good at this part of the planning and it got a bit stressful at times trying to remember everything!

    Firstly I'd sit down with your h2b and decide exactly what kind of wedding you want, big all singing and dancing wedding or a smaller intimate immediate family only wedding or even somethiby abroad.  Then decide on budget and guest list.  Once you have all that ironed out you can start looking at venues/dates.  Defo don't do what I did and do everything yourself, let you family/friends help out if they offer and make sure h2b is Doing his share. For our wedding we used to joke it was his surprise party! 

    Try to have times when it's nit all just wedding talk and enjoy being newly engaged. It will all come together and you'll have a fab time. X

  • Ciara4Ciara4 Posts: 51

    I was the same, I suffer with anxiety too and whilst I wanted to be able to enjoy being engaged my brain just immediately went into overdrive and I was stressing out about every little thing!

    We sat down and decided what were the most important things to us both that we would need to arrange/book first. For us it was Church, reception venue and photographer. We then started looking around venues and as soon as we'd booked that everything sort of fell into place and the ball started rolling. It's a bit like dominoes (but in a good way!) and you'll just naturally realise what step needs to come next. As MrsF says, include your h2b as much as you can, even if you do still end up doing a lot of it yourself, talking about it all and swapping opinions on things will help bring clarity to your thoughts which might be a bit jumbled in your head otherwise!

    Forums on here are great too, I spend hours trawling through people's planning threads getting ideas - magazines are great but often not all that realistic, real weddings are a lot more helpful!


  • AndasAndas Posts: 3

    First, take it easy! It is your wedding, and make it the way you want it. If you have thought of thinking what others besides you both would want - skip it! You and your h-2-b, your taste of Your special day is the main keyword here.

    I would say, the first is budget! How much you want to spend vs can spend. This will shorten the list and search down a lot.

    Second is approximate guest list and you can adapt it over time. But you need a rough number to start with.

    Then you can do a search around pinterest, youtube and web in general to get an approximate idea, of what kind of wedding might u like the most.

    Once you know what you want, you can start to slowly grab things together.

    Start with venue and photographer, as those are 2 very essential things, and might be booked way before u can even imagine they existed image

    Then here is a list of things I can think of at the moment, that you'll need to sort out: 

      • Venue and/or church
      • Photo/video
      • Attractions
      • Wedding dress and accessories
      • Wedding gifts
      • Fireworks
      • Wedding invitations
      • Music in your wedding
      • Wedding rings
      • Beauty care
      • Guests
      • Flowers
      • Maybe any traditions from your family or your nationality
      • Honeymoon
      • Wedding transportation
      • Bachelor parties
      • Church question
      • Legal question
      • ETC

    I would say these are the main points, some might not be essential to you, and of course - there are more things you might want to consider. Just put these things down on the paper and start to grasp the ideas.

    This should be the most thrilling and happiest time of your life! image Enjoy it!


  • L56YAYWL56YAYW Posts: 46

    Write list of what you want (I also write lists of lists I want to write!). If you suffer with anxiety there's not a lot any of us can say that will cure it. Look into some relaxation methods and see if you fancy trying any.

    I'm a fairly laid back person (lucky me) but like to be 100% prepared, people keep asking me how the wedding planning is going, and I keep saying "Yeah, it's good, not a lot to do". I put that down tot he fact that we've booked a "package deal".

    So everything is happening at the hotel, the ceremony, wedding breakfast and evening reception. Better yet, they lay out the chairs, do all the sashes, then turn it around for the wedding breakfast, lay and decorate the tables etc, they sort the catering (we just taste and choose food before, the fun bit), they've sorted the DJ. I really don't have much left to do, just outfits, cake, registrar stuff, favours etc. If you can find somewhere that does a package in your budget, take full advantage!

  • mrsbrazilmrsbrazil Posts: 148
     For our wedding we used to joke it was his surprise party! 


    I also suffer from anxiety and have had trouble sleeping, constantly playing out scenarios in my head about the wedding etc. I would definitely recommend you involve your OH whenever possible to relieve some of the pressure off you. Sit down together and get the main ideas out there so you can start off the planning then give him the jobs that he's interested in/has good ideas etc.

    My OH is most interested in letting me have the wedding I've always dreamed of, so he's pretty much up for anything but it means I'm the one proposing the ideas (like I've dreamed of), researching everything, contacting venues, organising decorations etc. I don't mind it, because I run everything past him and he's always supportive, and I do actually have more free time than him. Plus, I know if I didn't take firm control, nothing would actually get done.

    If you have the money, wedding planners could be of great help, or even just family and friends to help with the organising. Unfortunately my family and friends are unable to help much as our wedding is where we currently live (6000 miles away), who are having to travel) To make it easier on us, we've given ourselves a long engagement (it'll be 2 1/2 years by the time we have the wedding, 18 months of actual planning. And we've chosen a simple, small wedding (less than 30 people, all family and only best friends). The small size makes it seem more manageable for me. I think it all falls into place as time goes by, so try not to worry too much!

  • Nuala3Nuala3 Posts: 2

    Thanks ladies, I think I just need to breathe and take things one step at a time. Guess the most important thing is securing the venue and registrar and go from there. I'm already worrying about table decorations and sashes which can easily be done nearer the time

  • MariaaMariaa Posts: 73

    Hey Nu,

    Congratulations! After my best friend's wedding, forced to be her right hand I'm an expert now an I can give you any kind of advices image

    After the venue and church, the first thing you should book is the good photographer because they get booked in 1-2 years in advance most of the time. Here my absolute favourite: 

    I think they offer a new pack this year  - fine art wedding photography + cinematography. Take a look, you may like it.

  • Eugenia-Eugenia- Posts: 121


    You have ages, so no need to panic yet!!

    I would suggest you buy a few magazines, and just take some time flicking through, getting ideas, they all give you lists, and ideas for when you should be doing things (most start at 12months!) I love looking through magazines, it's my guilty pleasure, and I can do it to my hearts content without getting on my fiancé's nerves with loads of wedding talk!

    Take your time - I rushed into a few decisions and have since changed my mind! 

    Get a scrap book, write, draw and stick in pictures. 

    Remember, this is fun - and try not to let it stress you out!

    Talk to your fiancé, but remember to take time out - no one likes a bridezilla!! 

    It really is lots of fun planning your wedding - do it together, and give your fiancé some tasks so he is involved and feels appreciated! 


    Congratulations and good luck!


  • MrsLjCMrsLjC Posts: 1,220 New bride


    I kind of feel the same. We also got engaged in Christmas day and so far have only seen two venues and already I'm getting panicky and anxious that we won't find a venue in our budget! 

    I've wrote down my thoughts and made lots of lists like the girls have said and it's helping me so recommend doing that image

  • MascaraMascara Posts: 114

    Divide your list into several parts. First of all the things you HAVE to have to actually become married -





    Then the things that require a supplier who can only do one wedding at a time -





    Hair and makeup 



    Then the things that still require a supplier, but they dont have to be present -



    Cake maker




    Then the things you don't need a supplier for








    And then the "admin" things - guest list, who will be in your wedding party etc  





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