I'm planning to propose to my man...

Hi!

Wasn't sure where to post this but I'm wondering if anyone has ever proposed to their partner rather than waiting for him to pop the question.

We've been together five years and this is something I've been thinking about for 12 months. Now I've had that long to think it over, I've decided I'm just going to go for it.

Marriage is something we've spoken about a lot before and something we do both want, but various things have always got in the way (money, family, work... The list is endless). A lot of tough things have happened this year for both of us, including me trying to harm myself quite badly, and it's really cemented my love and adoration for him, how well we've managed everything by being there for each other and always being supportive.

I'm planning on doing something Christmas Eve, which is a time we always make for each other and spend just relaxing, watching films and drinking wine. I don't want a massively grand gesture or anything, just something simple, and I've already found a ring (though I'm completely in the dark on his ring size, so I'm going with the UK average and hoping for the best...!) I think I'm just worried by people's reactions - will I appear desperate for asking him instead of waiting? Will people think it's odd? Should I really care what anyone else thinks anyway? 

I wonder if this process is as nerve wracking for men as it is for women 

Posts

  • Hi, it's a leap year next year, which is the time when wen can ask the men....go for it. 

  • Wow! I've never done it so I can't offer advice, however I wish you the best of luck! Let us know how it goes. 

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    one of my old bosses proposed to her now husband on christmas eve. they've been happily married for about three years! the funny thing is, she proposed with a mug and he then went and bought her an engagement ring so it worked both ways :)

    i can't offer any advice, but i don't see why you shouldn't be the one to propose! don't worry about what people think. do what is right for you! keep us posted x

  • DactylDactyl Posts: 66

    I proposed to my fiancé. it was absolutely terrifying, but thankfully he said yes and we get married earlier next year. I just got fed up of waiting for him to do it and decided to take matters into my own hands lol. I'd thought about it for a while wnd planned how I wanted to do it, but when the time came it was so much scarier than I expected! 

    A few of my more traditional friends and family members thought it was a bit odd, but most people didn't even comment on the fact it was me asking him rather than the other way round.

    i sometimes wish it was a more traditional proposal with him making a big romantic gesture, but I'd probably still be waiting for that now as he's not one for planning ahead or doing things unless they need to be done. I have worried about whether I pushed him into it, but he's not the sort of persons who would have agreed to something he didn't want to do so deep down I know that's not the case.

    february 29th is traditionally the day on which women are allowed to propose, so if you want to retain a bit of tradition you could wait until them...But theres no reason for you not to do it at any time you like

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,352 New bride

    I think it is great, but have you sounded him out about it? I remember saying something to my hubby one Feb 29th about women asking men and he said he would have said no if I'd done it and he really did not want the proposal taken away from him. Worth making sure he is OK with the idea as well.

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    I think it's an awesome idea if you want my two cents worth!

    For one thing, this is the 21st century. We have gay marriage. We have women going into space. We have scientists growing nerves in test tubes. Why on earth would we not have women proposing marriage??

    For another thing, it's "just" an engagement. It's not as if you are telling this man he needs to marry you today. It's simply a sign of your love and commitment to each other. It doesn't mean you need to start planning the wedding the next week (unless he wants to).  An engagement can be as long or as short as you each want it, it doesn't need to be a wedding planning marathon.

    If your groom isn't overly traditional and conservative, I would definitely say go for it. You can always do like the men do, and get a fun/ trinket ring now and both of you can pick something else out later. Maybe the tables will turn and you will end up picking out a ring for yourself :)

  • MrsTwizbe my fiancé wernt one step further and when I mentioned February 29th he said he was going AWOL for the day! I think proposingis a lovely idea, I don't think who asks who is a big deal as long as you are both ready to take the steps forward together. My fiancé proposes every week or so when he picks my ring off the side and asks me. Today I brought home his wedding ring as a surprise and proposed to him and his exact words were 'go on then!'

    Men!

  • BekhaGBekhaG Posts: 584 New bride

    I say do it, it doesn't matter who asks who, ignore any negativity! Good luck :)

  • Thanks for all your input ladies :) we're both very non-traditional and there's no male/female divide in our relationship - as Kitten says, this is the 21st century, I don't personally feel a proposal is 'his' to take away, as such, it's an equal partnership. I appreciate some men wouldn't like it, though - it's a very individual and personal thing :)

    I have been and purchased rings today - rather than buying myself a proper engagement ring I've actually bought a simple white gold band for him and something similar for me; that way if he does for some reason feel like I've taken something away from him he has the option to buy another ring if he feels the need to. If not, I've got a nice little sparkly ring that I love to show for it so everyone's happy ^_^

  • I think its an absolutely lovely idea :) Let us know how it goes

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    Oh I'm so excited for you! Please let us know how it goes!

    I'd love to see pics of your lovely rings :)

  • Hopefully this attachment will work. They aren't anything massively pricey or extravagant but I've sort of had to guess his ring size while he's asleep... Which looked rather amusing.

    image

  • Theyre lovely...keep us posted!

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    Seriously pretty! I am excited for you

  • Gorgeous rings, im so excited for you!!! Let us know when you do it!  xxxx

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