Feeling Overwhelmed

After 5 years and 1 baby together, we've finally decided to get married, I thought this decision would be the hard part but I was so wrong.

 

I started looking in to venues shortly after we got engaged, my parents are giving us £4000 - £5000 assistance with the costs and because we have so little savings I made this my bench mark for venue cost, including catering and all the trimmings, My nan has said she will pay for my dress and the guys will arrange their suits. I'm also only having 1 bridesmaid and 2 flower girls.

We decided to keep the number of day guests to a minimum as we only wanted those closest to us to witness our marriage, then we'd have a party for everyone else.

 

I must have looked in to well over 50 venues in my area now (Derbyshire). They're either too far away for people to get to, or way over budget.

 

We just wanted something so simple, pie and peas for the wedding breakfast and a hogroast in the evening. I looked at a local village hall, who would arrange to have a marquee lining to cover the walls and roof, which I thought was perfect and right up my street. But my mother-in-law to be saw the quote and said it would be far too much for what we were getting, especially when we would have to clear up ourselves (or as she put it 'I hope you aren't expecting me to tidy up after!' please bear in mind they aren't contributing a penny)

So now i'm doing what i didn't want to do and going round venue after venue, in search of my second best. All I wanted was something as simple as a marquee in a field, where the kids could run free and entertain themselves and we could have a game of rounders after getting married in the local registry office. 

I feel so deflated from it all and the fun just seems to be sucked out of it. I'm fed up of looking through other peoples versions of menus trying to decide on  a choice I won't eat and the only comments I seem to be getting from H2B's family is that we should just go to the registry office and have big party, well i tried that and they weren't content with that either!! 

Sorry for the moan but its only ever other brides that understand

Posts

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,845 New bride

    Ahh poor you- weddings seem like they should be easy, but other people make them more complicated!

    I know it's easy for me to say this- but the mother in law can sod off, do what you want! Book that village hall, it sounds lovely! She probably has completely unrealistic expectations about how far your money will go in today's world of weddings! As for the tidying up, can your caterers do this for you? If not I'm sure everyone will be happy to muck in (even if Lady Muck won't!)

    Just book whatever you like, and don't solicit opinions from others unless you really have to- there's bound to be someone who will put it down, whatever your choice is. You can tell them what you're doing once it's booked, and if they don't like it then tough.

    I would also say that 5k DOES get you a good venue- I'm getting married in the Cotswolds which is expensive, and my venue cost for 60 day guests and 80 evening guests with food and drinks is £5200. That's including a £500 fee to have our civil ceremony there too. Obviously I will have other costs, but you said your budget for the venue, food and drink is 5k, and that's about what ours was. So if the village hall is really out, do carry on looking, you'll find something!

     

  • Mrs17Mrs17 Posts: 826 New bride

    Hi Michelle

    Firstly... Congratulations!!

    We are still at the venue hunting stage, with a budget similar to your yours. The venue hunting has been stressful for me - and I don't even have any opinionated in-laws to contend with

    I have found www.forbetterforworse.co.uk really useful when venue hunting - I'm not sure if you'll already have come across it, but it lists venues by county (something I found incredibly helpful, as Google threw up an interesting range of results lol!).

    Good luck - keep us updated on how you get on?

    Amy x

    I would also like to second Sammykate's opinion above " the mother in law can sod off" ! It is your day, and it should be perfect for you & H2B. No-one else's opinion matters.

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    £5000 is a really good figure for a venue. We spent £3200 on our venue and that included EVERYTHING. If you are interested inbox me, I'm in Staffordshire. What I would say is though that Marquee hire often ends up more expensive than just hiring a venue, as you paid for all the extras on top.

    I would agree that if you want the village hall then just book it, it's your wedding and no one elses!!

     

  • MrsE2016MrsE2016 Posts: 1,208 New bride

    Congratulations on your engagement! Planning a wedding should be a fun experience so i'm sorry to hear you're getting hassle from family members already. 

    Is there anywhere that you could pitch a marquee? Local cricket club etc? We are doing this and we haven't had to pay for the venue as the club will make enough off the bar. We've hired a marquee & got food for around £5k - we have 70 during the day and 180 at night so we feel we've done really well! You'd probably be able to get a smaller marquee for less than £5k as our evening numbers have meant we've had to go a little larger than we would have done otherwise. 

    We've pulled in favours from family/friends (wedding cake), making stuff ourselves (invites & favours) so it's looking like we're going to be able to come in under our total budget. Be creative! 

    If your in-laws aren't prepared to 'muck in' and help set up/clear up i'm sure you have plenty of friends & family that will - we've had loads of offers so i'm sure you'll have the same. 

    Good luck & try not to get too stressed - after all it's you & your H2Bs special day! 

  • MrsK2016MrsK2016 Posts: 260

    Congratulations and I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling all this stress!!

    I think there comes a stage in all the planning where you realise that you're probably going to upset someone somewhere in all the decisions so you might as well do things the way you want them... those that matter won't mind and those that mind won't matter ;)

    The village hall sounds great, I've been to a couple of village hall wedding receptions and they;re so much fun as there's loads of space (and usually cheap booze).

    Good luck with it all xx

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