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Spouse with debt advice?

Hi, 

Me and my partner have been speaking about our wedding and stuff and my partner has suddenly put up a bit of a brick wall because he has realised that he has debt (student loan and a credit card) and I don't. He is now saying that he does not want to marry me until he pays it off as he doesn't want me to have to take on his debt too. If i married him would I automatically be jointly responsible for his debt? We don't share bank cards or anything, but we are living off his wage alone.



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  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    I would say that half of the population have a student loan and it really isn't anything to worry about. I'll be paying mine off until I'm 60 lol.

    As far as I'm aware you won't become liable for your partner's debt if you got married. It's in his name so only he is liable.

  • B23B23 Posts: 169

    Agree with bella, i dont think it does become yours when you get married. i think if you get joint bank accounts it becomes more linked in that way.

  • Student loan isn't a big deal at all, they didn't even ask about mine when I applied for a mortgage. With the credit card, I think it depends how much is on there? If it is an unmanageable debt then I think he should get a financial plan in place before you get married, just so both of you have piece of mind.

    Money is a funny one! We are friends with a few couples where the man is refusing to marry the woman as he has assets like a house and savings and she doesn't have assets and is in debt. It is easier if you have a similar attitude to money and similar earning power but more so that you are both open and honest about your finances 

  • I've always known about his credit card and he does pay off a good chunk every month, but the problem is that when we moved it cost us alot more than we bargained for and it tends to go down a little but then christmas will come again and stuff so stuff will get added again so whilst it is decreasing it then gets used again so the decreased amount is less... 

    He's always been very honest with me regarding money but I think (after dwelling on it) there may be an element of pride affecting his decision? He doesn't want to pay for a 'unnecessary' wedding when we have credit cards/debt to pay for? 

    I think he may have also realised that he wants to do it all "properly" (his words not mine) so he wants to get married in a church with a proper dress and bridesmaids etc... the idea we had originally had was to basically get married and have a good time with good friends and decent food... 

    He also refuses for my foster dad to pay for the ceremony because its his responsibility... 

    I just kinda feel knocked because i was just starting to get excited about the planning and stuff and now its all on hold (including the official engagement) as he doesn't want to be a couple who are just engaged forever... ideally he wants to marry me within a year of proposing and giving me that ring. 

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 272 New bride

    Sounds like maybe an excuse, sorry to say it.

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,355 New bride

    I'd have to agree, there is more to this that meets the eye. You need to try and find out what he is really feeling.

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  • MY OH felt very much the same way - not entirely all about debt but it took 10 years for him to feel in a position to ask me.  One of the things that put his mind at rest was to work out his total individual debt and then take out life assurance to cover it.  Should something terrible happen I will have a payout to pay his debts with.

  • Kitten2014 wrote (see post):

    My guess is that it is a little bit of two things: good old fashioned man-pride (you have no debt, he does) and wedding cost price-shock. The only way to find out if there's anything more to it, is to ask. 

     

    I think thats exactly it to be honest. We have had another chat about things and he has opened up a little bit more and is worried that I am wanting to do things cheap for his benefit rather than mine. The other thing is that he wants to get married in a church, not a reception office and he feels this will cost more (i've actually looked it up and its pretty much the same - but not going to say anything quite yet about that) 

    He sometimes gets himself all worked up about things and I think I might have been a babbling mess of wedding discussions and scared him a little bit maybe? 

    As for the price of the wedding, The currently 'plan' is that we are paying for our ceremony because it is massively important to Mark that he pays for that (which i understand) but then my foster dad has offered to pay for everything else. I think there might be a bit of pride at play with letting my dad pay for stuff too... but when the time is right I'll speak to him about that and explain that dad wants to do this for me etc. 

    He has also mentioned that he doesn't want to be like a couple of friends of ours... They have been engaged for years know everything they are doing for their wedding but can't afford it (and never will) they have had a deposit down on their venue for the last 3 years and keep on postponing the date because of money... but its all they talk about at times... so I think the 1 year thing might be to do with that. 

    as for 1 year, as dad is paying its okay at this stage... I'm a spreadsheet queen with wayyy to much spare time so I would be able to do it. the main thing is making sure Mark is ready. 

    Thanks for all your advice xxx

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