Guest List Differences & Venues

hi all,

I'm quite new to this forum and really enjoying reading all your posts - they are so helpful, so thank you.

Does anyone else have a guest list that is quite one sided- I have lots of friends on mine and my partner doesn't have many at all, he isn't a massive one for lots of friends! whilst he has a bigger family overall I have nearly double the number. obviously he has met/hangs out with some of mine but there's plenty that are really my close friends and he doesn't see. I know it shouldn't matter but I feel the pressure to cut mine! 

Another question for you all - did you do a guest list first or wait until you had a venue? I know this sounds silly but i've said its pointless cutting the list until we know what we are doing. For example if we have the reception in a marquee at my parents the numbers may not need as much cutting as another venue. 

 

I would love love to hear your thoughts. 

Posts

  • NozomiNozomi Posts: 161

    We wrote a list first and then found venues to suit :) mine was less than my other half's but they're a bit more even now - I have more friends coming, he has more family. 

  • Jenni8Jenni8 Posts: 3,201

    I also did guest list first and found a venue to fit my approx numbers. I think it is good to get a ball park and then allow +/- 20 approx. I think it is important not only to ensure your venue is big enough to fit your numbers in but also to ensure it isn't too big and therefore will look a bit odd. One of my favourite venues fitted a max 250 in. OK yes the majority of the weddings there are more like 80-100 which looks fine, my meagre 60 would look quite pathetic in there so had to let it go. Definitely get a ball park figure and then book a venue which will easily fit that number in, which will allow for any extras.

  • Lexi90Lexi90 Posts: 971

    Thank you - that is useful! 

    I totally agree with you Jenni regarding a venue which is too big, definitely don't want an empty space! 

  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    I'd suggest making a rough list first and then starting to look at venues. We had a massive wedding, but when we were looking at venues, we had a rough list of 200. We decided not to go with a few places where they absolutely could not hold more than 180 people because we didn't want to have to make those decisions. But you may decide when you are looking that you love a particular venue so much that you are happy to cap numbers!

  • Mrs NeekMrs Neek Posts: 445 New bride

    definitely agree on creating a provisional guest list first then finding a venue to suit. We're having around 280 guests so we needed to find a venue that could hold our numbers, a lot easier said than done.. funny enough i've just gone through my list turns out i already have 211 guests! oops  so i need to get cutting, but my OH already knows my list will probably exceed his as i come from a huge family.. xx

  • Sarah398Sarah398 Posts: 266

    We got a very rough list together for who we wanted on the day, because when you go to the venues they always want to know rough numbers so they can give you rough prices & what would be suitable.

    Then once we had chosen our venue (60 people for the day) we halved the numbers i.e. I got to invite 30 people so did he.  I had few family but more friends and he has a massive family and not so many friends.  In the end, with people not being able to come etc. Ive ended up with mainly my family & all my friends, he has only 1 1/2 tables with is people on!

    So, my advice would plan for something equal & adjust as necessary x

     

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    The first thing we did once we had our budget sorted was to draw up a rough guest list. As the other ladies have said, we needed to establish whether venues could accommodate us (either too small or too big!) and how much it cost in terms of catering per head.

    I really wouldn't worry about how 'even' a guest list is. My H2B has three tables worth of work friends and clients coming - I have invited three work mates plus their partners! At the end of the day, you shouldn't exclude people from your wedding on the basis that your guest list is uneven. It's madness in my opinion! If those people are important to you, they should be there.  

    Have a chat to your H2B about it though. It is both of your wedding in equal measures and if he is unhappy with certain aspects of the guest list, then you need to give him the opportunity to discuss this with you. If he is happy about it, then that makes your life easy! x

  • Rose EveRose Eve Posts: 31

    We have a similar issue.

    We got engaged after a decade and haven't lived at 'home' since we left for university 9 years ago so the peopld who have bothered to keep up communication are the people who we want at our special day. I didn't want to have 3/4 of the guests but he has a small friendship circle and family and I have kept in touch better with groups of friends from University and have a huge family. He is also quite shy and will not dance so wasn't keen on a huge party.

    The decision we made was to find a smaller venue and host a more informal affair. 35 to the day and 55 to the evening. The venue we have chosen is beautiful but bijou, it means we have all the people we care most about andnot have lots of peopld we don't know very well. It's helped us avoid lots of awkward conversations with my family about inviting aunts/uncles/cousins we never see (I have over 60- but my family is not very close) and meant I will be inviting some friends in groups rather than with plus ones (but we often do this so it's not unusual). It's kept catering costs down and means I will get to spend more time with each of my guests too. And I don't feel as though I've taken over OUR special day, which is important to me.

    This may not be for you, but it's worth considering.

  • Lexi90Lexi90 Posts: 971

     

    Thanks everyone for your own experience - this is really helpful. 
    Rose Eve wrote (see post):

    We have a similar issue.

    We got engaged after a decade and haven't lived at 'home' since we left for university 9 years ago so the peopld who have bothered to keep up communication are the people who we want at our special day. I didn't want to have 3/4 of the guests but he has a small friendship circle and family and I have kept in touch better with groups of friends from University and have a huge family. He is also quite shy and will not dance so wasn't keen on a huge party.

    The decision we made was to find a smaller venue and host a more informal affair. 35 to the day and 55 to the evening. The venue we have chosen is beautiful but bijou, it means we have all the people we care most about andnot have lots of peopld we don't know very well. It's helped us avoid lots of awkward conversations with my family about inviting aunts/uncles/cousins we never see (I have over 60- but my family is not very close) and meant I will be inviting some friends in groups rather than with plus ones (but we often do this so it's not unusual). It's kept catering costs down and means I will get to spend more time with each of my guests too. And I don't feel as though I've taken over OUR special day, which is important to me.

    This may not be for you, but it's worth considering.

    Thanks Rose Eve - I agree about inviting who you want there! I have a group of old uni friends and I think I will invite them with no plus ones, they know each other really well. I have more of an issue with some of my friends from home who are couples - some we both socialise with and would invite both and theres a couple where only the female is my friend, whilst I know their partner I don't tend to social much. I do however feel if I was one of the females and everyone else from that friendship group had their bf/husband it could be awkward - as these friends tend to come from different friendship groups! 

    I'm definitely all for doing what suits us, but in my head I think if someone will enjoy the day more if they have their plus one then it's worth me inviting them. Especially if they invited me to their wedding. 

    I have quite a few old family friends, the kind that the whole family meets up with, used to be quite a lot but nowadays less often but I still love to see them.  These aren't just my mum's friends! These people however add to the numbers quite a lot as they are families 2-5 people each! 

    Obviously if we went much smaller and cut lots of people out that wouldn't be an issue, but I don't really think thats what i want to do! It all comes down to what I can afford!!! Always about the money! 

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