My first decision: whether to invite my father
Hello lovely bride and grooms,
I'm new to this site and am looking for some advice in my situation.
In a nutshell, I have a difficult relationship with my father. Him and my mother divorced when I was a teenager and it all went quite smoothly really, everyone accepted the change and moved on. I continued my normal healthy relationship with him until I was about 15.. When he just stopped understanding me.. the 'hormonal teenager years' really didn't help.
Both my mother and I highly suspect he has Asperger's and finds any relationship difficult. He is a bit of a loner and has no friends, really by choice. I'm 27 now and he spends half the year in India and the other half in the UK not far from where I live. I hear from him around 2 times a year, usually on my birthday and another random day of the year. There are no presents or cards anymore and I ignore fathers day.
On numerous occasions over the years I have tried talking to him, in a way he will understand. But nothing has changed, in fact it gets worse as the years go on.
Over the last couple of years I have struggled with depression and it has surfaced my feelings on the relationship. I'm now on medication which has helped my thoughts be easier for me to process and have come to the realization that actually he just doesn't really 'like me'.. I'm just not his type of person. He makes literally no effort with my fiance, or my life at all. I'm finally in a place where I have started to understand why he isn't the father I want.
So with my pending wedding in the next few years, my first big decision is whether to invite him.
Its a small wedding (less than 10 including bride and groom), and hes won't have met any of the grooms family before hand. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if he got the grooms name wrong, seen as he has in the past.
My feelings are, if I do invite him, I will feel awkward knowing he is there. He simply won't be able to do right. If he puts in the effort and is sociable, I will be mad he hasn't been like that for so many years, like 'where has this father appeared from?!)
If I don't invite him, there will clearly be a missing person in the guest list. It would be like he's died but he hasn't. I will feel guilt (for all the wrong reasons). I have a fear that if I don't invite him and then he die in the time before the wedding, I will feel awful. However I suspect without him there, I will enjoy the day better..
If anyone has any words of wisdom I'd really appreciate it.