When to ask bridesmaids

Hoping for a little bit of advice.. I am aware the general consensus is to wait but when do you think is the best time to ask? 

I will be having my sister (18 months younger than me) as my MOH. I will be having my best friend as a Bridesman/ Man of Honour. I then have one friend from back home, and two of my friends that I lived with at Uni. I am close to all of them and we see each other regularly and go on holiday etc. 

I think they are all aware that they are going to get asked, but when do you think is the best time to ask properly? My gut was to leave it until after Christmas. 

We haven't confirmed a date yet but are looking at May 2019, so still plenty of time.  

Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 

Posts

  • With my bridesmaids I have asked them sooner rather than later. Like you said, they already have a good idea that you are going to ask them so get it done and then you can all start planning and getting excited without having to skirt around the subject.

  • Woah, definitely wait.  You are getting way, way too ahead of yourself. I'm a '19 lady as well and we both have plenty of time. This isn't something you want (or need) to decide on until about one year from your date.  (BM dresses can be obtained in a matter of a few weeks..or less.)

    The most frequently UNHAPPY brides on this forum are the ones with BM problems.  The problems almost always result from asking ladies too soon -when the relationship with these girls is good, but in the loonnggg run-up to the wedding, things change.

    One becomes pregnant and is too busy/preoccupied to help.

    Another gets a new man and is suddenly completely centered around him.

    Another gets a new job and relocates crosscountry or abroad.

    A falling out happens with another who gets engaged herself and opts to schedule her wedding sooner than bride #1.

    Etc. Etc. Etc.

    Many, many events will happen in the lives of your would-be BMs, all things that could impact their enthusiasm and participation.  I'm assuming you want BMs who will be as supportive and involved as possible - and the only way to have any assurance of that at all is to wait as long as possible to see where their lives (and personalities) are at.

    You have plenty of other things to think about and plan in the next 9 months or so that don't require their help: researching and booking a venue, obtaining a ceremony site/ church/ registrar, researching/ choosing a photographer.  It's def not too early to get a jump on these activities, and you don't need BMs to do it :)

  • I would second all of that - the advice to wait is offered for many good reasons! I think it would be sensible to ask in good time before you send out formal invitations to the wedding, which also (unless you're planning something complex, weekday, peak holiday time, or overseas) should not need to be any earlier than about 6 months beforehand (roughly). You could wait till after Christmas 2018 and that would still be plenty of time!

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride

    I'm not sure it's a case of getting too ahead of myself- more just enjoying planning! There are no set rules, hence my question 

    But thanks ladies, I'm definitely going to wait until the New Year.

    Given they are all spread across the country, I need to give them a bit more notice than Christmas 2018 so that we can get together in advance as a group. 

     

    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • Just another vote for leaving it a lot later.....

    if you're aiming for May 2019, then I wouldn't think of asking anyone until around July/August next year.....  and certainly not before you've even confirmed a date!

  • yburybur Posts: 45

    Ooh you ladies are very controlled. I asked mine about an hour after the proposal while ringing them all like crazy to tell them I was getting married!  Didn't even think to do it in one of the lovely ways I've now seen people do with balloons and gifts either oops.

    I only had 15 months from proposal to wedding and my bridesmaids are best friend (since the day I met her 7 years ago), other best friend (known eachother since we were a few days old) and two sisters. So it was unlikely that they were going to change. So I think it depends on who you'd be asking. 

  • Later 2018  or early 2019 would be fine to ask the ones you are not too sure about but a sister or close cousin that you plan on having can be asked anytime since those are there..for life 

    We are 31 August 2019 and we are focusing on paying off the venue from the end of this month to the end of 2018. We will  Book key suppliers like photo, video, decor around mid 2018 and then the rest we'll focus on from end of 2018 to early 2019..bridesmaids early 2019. We planned early so that we can have a longer time to pay off stuff and not feel overwhelmed with costs, we chose a very high end hotel ;)

  • I have to echo what other ladies have said and wait. Most definitely wait until you have booked the date at least. 

    We booked our venue/confirmed our registrar which gave us 12mnths to do everything. I had some little plaques made asking my 2 sisters to be my bridesmaids which by the time they arrived and were handed to the bridesmaids was 11mntsh before the day. x

  • I would wait a little bit to be definitely sure. Just be very sure they'e the right people (sounds like they are ). The one thing I wished I hadn't rushed was who I picked to be bridesmaids. Also 2019 seems like a long way but will be here before you know it!!

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I wouldnt ask until youve booked a date at the very earliest. Until then theres no wedding to be a bridesmaid at, and they cant realistically agree without knowing when or where etc.

    I think I was engaged for a year before we booked, I didnt ask until after that because there didnt seem any point. Althought MOH always knew she was going to be, didnt even have to ask her!

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride

    Thanks guys! I'm fairly sure they all aready expect it (especially my sister!) but I just need to make it official. I've got no doubts about the people I have chosen, they are my best friends and biggest supporters, and have already been amazing in arranging engagment celebrations. I'm going to wait, ride thr engagement wave a bit longer, get Christmas out the way and then it can be some excitement for the new year 

    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • JdotJJdotJ Posts: 196 New bride

    I'd wait until you set a date, then they know exactly when/where they will be going and you won't be springing any surprised on them after asking. 

    Jx

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