Unsure

im so unsure of what I want. All i really want it for us to be married.. without actually having to do the planning. Im quite a shy person.. so having everyone look at me will make me feel uncomfortable.. but on the other hand i want to have the big day.. and big celebration. Im so confused about everything

Posts

  • Have you set a date at all? I would definitely say don't rush into anything if you are feeling so confused, take plenty of time to think about what you want. 

     

    Have you considered the option of hiring a big house and having a wedding weekend with close family and friends only? Or a destination wedding where again it would only be close family and friends? This may make you feel less shy if there are less people there. 

     

    Just make sure that you think carefully about what you want and make sure that whatever you go for is because it's what you want and you will feel comfortable with, not what you think anyone will expect!

  • We are going to a few wedding fairs this month.. so was hoping to have the date set by february.. looking at the last weekend september 2019..

     

    also .. im abit worried about how a wedding is paid for 🙈 does it go on credit cards.. or are you supposed to have alot saved? We are only engaged 2mOnths.. so very new to it all 

     

    I probably sound so stupid lol but im just a worrier 🙈

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440
    Fiona156 wrote (see post):

    im so unsure of what I want. All i really want it for us to be married.. without actually having to do the planning. Im quite a shy person.. so having everyone look at me will make me feel uncomfortable.. but on the other hand i want to have the big day.. and big celebration. Im so confused about everything

    You sound like me... However over time I started to think about what me and the groom 'likes' and went from there, we're not having a big wedding and not doing all of the traditional bits.  It's your day - do it your way. X

  • Fiona156 wrote (see post):

    im so unsure of what I want. All i really want it for us to be married.. without actually having to do the planning. Im quite a shy person.. so having everyone look at me will make me feel uncomfortable.. but on the other hand i want to have the big day.. and big celebration. Im so confused about everything

    You're not the only one - not everyone wants cameras following their every move in coordinated outfits all day and to be the centre of attention with 100+ people staring at them!  I think the most important thing to remember is that there's no right or wrong way to do this  

    You say you just really want to be married - as long as your partner is in the same place, that's all you need!  Talk to him/her about what they want (or don't want!) too, and If it suits you both, consider having a low key civil ceremony with a very small group of your closest family and friends, with a minimal reception.....  you don't have to have a big crowd, or a fancy reception with a big meal and speeches and cake cutting and first dances if you don't want any of that! 

  • AwhelenqtAwhelenqt Posts: 795 New bride
    Fiona156 wrote (see post):

    We are going to a few wedding fairs this month.. so was hoping to have the date set by february.. looking at the last weekend september 2019..

     

    also .. im abit worried about how a wedding is paid for 🙈 does it go on credit cards.. or are you supposed to have alot saved? We are only engaged 2mOnths.. so very new to it all 

     

    I probably sound so stupid lol but im just a worrier 🙈

    Just my experience, I don't know what other people do, but we don't actually have credit cards.It probably seems odd being 2 adults with a house and a baby soon to be married, but credit cards just don't seem like a good idea for us. We don't have any savings either because of the baby so we'll just be putting money aside as it comes in and cutting back on personal spending, paying for deposits etc as and when they arise. We're just lucky that we both have grandparents with quite a lot of money that will most likely help (no precedent on my side of the family but both my H2Bs sisters got money when they got married).

     

    About your main point as well - I definitely think a small wedding is the way to go! Only invite your nearest and dearest and depending on how traditional you want it to be - you can have fun games and stuff to play so everyone is getting involved with eachother and it becomes more of a communal celebration.

    Do away with the top table and have long benches maybe? Or the way we're doing it, we're not technically having a top table like you'd expect that's long and looking out onto your subjects, we're just having a regular round table, mixed in to all the other tables, with just us and our parents.

  • Fiona156 wrote (see post):

    We are going to a few wedding fairs this month.. so was hoping to have the date set by february.. looking at the last weekend september 2019..

     

    also .. im abit worried about how a wedding is paid for 🙈 does it go on credit cards.. or are you supposed to have alot saved? We are only engaged 2mOnths.. so very new to it all 

     

    I probably sound so stupid lol but im just a worrier 🙈

    You don't sound stupid, you sound new to this all and unsure - and that's ok!

    As with everything else, there's no right or wrong way to pay, its whatever works for the two of you.  I would advise against running up too bug a credit card bill if you can avoid it though.

    One big advantage of a low key wedding, as suggested in my previous post, is that it will cost a lot less, - win, win!

  • Cazz13Cazz13 Posts: 67 New bride

    My H2B and I really didn't want an in your face wedding, and more of a laid back summer party so we chose a venue that had that vibe instead of a manor house, hotel etc. That way, the pressure isnt there anymore, and wont feel much like an uptight wedding and just a party for everyone to celebrate together!

    We chose a venue that had a package deal so I dont have to worry about caterers, bar staff, set up etc. 

    We opted for a civil ceremony and the registry office sent me different scripts we can pick for the ceremony so the wording is in a way that I am comfortable with and goes with the laid back theme. 

    As most bookings dont require you to pay for everything upfront, you dont need all the money in your account. It may be useful to have a credit card in hand for little things here and there but you can book certain parts of the wedding as you go along so you have time to save for a few things at a time before booking everything. It's a good idea that you are looking at 2019, because youll have a bit of time for planning and also for being able to pay things off slowly. Usually venues, photographers, dress etc ask for a deposit, and you dont have to pay the rest off until a few weeks before the wedding :) 

  • I don't recommend putting anything on credit cards (other than a little thing here and there and paying the balance off each month). It's entirely too easy to "buy" a wedding you can't afford if you're putting it on credit and not paying for it as you go. Do you really want to start married life with a £15,000 credit card balance you didn't have before?

    As to the day itself, anything goes nowadays.  Beachside weddings abroad with just closest family and friends...big bashes in barns...super classy 'dos in old homes...low-key affairs in libraries, train stations, boarding schools, you name it.  You pick the size and formality of the day and then find a venue that can accommodate that, that fits your budget.  So as was already said, THINK CAREFULLY about what you want before you make any moves.  Waaayyyy too many brides on here lament the excessive planning and spending they did to create a day that didn't feel like their own.

  • Think long and hard before booking anything, speak to your partner and get their opinions. You don't want to end up booking something you later down the line come to regret. Wedding fayres are a great way to start.

    As for paying for things, we don't have credits cards so simply we're paying for things as and when. Deposits for example for the photographer and the cake were paid when we booked. Both of those final balances aren't due until a few weeks before the wedding so in the meantime we're saving every last penny/cutting back in certain areas. We've got a wedding fund money tin and £2 coins go in there, loose change, extra money we earn goes in there. You'd be surprised at how quick that actually adds up. X

  • Going to see a venue today.. its quite small.. we are hoping to have 80 people. I sort of already have my heart set on it as i was at a wedding here a few yrs ago and it was a lovely place. 

     

    Is there anything I need to ask? since this is the first place we are visiting im not sure of what to ask or need to know?

    Im hoping she will just tell us everything there is to know

     

  • Amanda198Amanda198 Posts: 152

    Hiya.  How exciting! We only went and visited one venue, we thought about others, but we both just got a relaxed and comfortable feeling when we looked round.  Go with how you feel. 

    We had a list but the coordinator answerd our questions in her info, it was more about what packages they offer, accomodation, whether there was somewhere separate for family to sit if they didn't want to sit in the evening reeption with the music.  It sounds daft but I also asked how much a glass of wine and beer are! Also have a look around, we are having everything in the one venue so looked at the ceremony area, discussed options, wedding breakfast and bedrooms and suites.  Our wedding planner had photos too.xx 

  • Just an update

    Went yesterday and viewed a venue that I had been to before (my brothers wedding). As soon as we went in we both felt this is the place we wanted. We have talked it over and we pay our deposit tomorrow. Other venues didn't suit our numbers. We didn't view them, just checked out their wedding packages and nearly them all was minimum 120, I only plan to have 80-100 (if I'm lucky) lol

    There was also a band I have always wanted from 2015 when I first heard them.. I messaged to see if they were available on my date.. They were available.. and as they are so popular we went ahead and booked them - deposit paid (with the help of my mum)

    everything moving so quickly. Have never felt as much nerves in my stomach in all my life lol Is this normal? or am I weird ? :(

  • My advice is to never go into debt for a wedding. No matter how you look at it it is just a day - and you could be paying the debt for many years to come which will hinder you day to day lifestyle. It’s not worth it.

    no matter how much money you spend it wil not change your love for each other. so stick within your mean, if this means going to a registry office and having a really small gathering after so be it. Alternatively yes I would rather save the money that’s ise credit cards and get married when you have it saved up.

    dont feel oressured to have a big lavish wedding that costs lots of money. 

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