No Plans, No Ideas, No Rush....... Family Stress!

We got engaged on Christmas Day, been together 2 1/2 years and it was a lovely surprise! I know he is my Mr Right, however I have been divorced twice due to cheating men :(  My fiance has been married for a very short time in the past, at the time he was going through a breakdown and thankfully it was over from his toxic ex very quickly.

ANYWAY..... We are in no rush, I would like to get married before my passport needs renewing in 2023 hehehe. I just don't know how, where etc. because of my dysfunctional parents! They split 6 years ago or more, mum was having an affair and is still with the guy now. I get on fine with him but my dad still holds a torch for my mum, has not seen her with her man although he knows about him. It would break his heart to have to be in the same room as them so a nice, easy conventional registry office wedding is unlikely.

I got married in the Caribbean last time so my fiance is not so keen on doing it abroad for that reason which is fair enough. He would love his mum and family to be at the wedding but i can't see us being able to have a family wedding because of my crap situation. So, what do we do? 

I can't tell my mums partner that he is not invited, as much as that is the best solution as that will cause a riot!  I can picture us going off on the quiet with my daughters but I don't think that is the answer and I don't think that my fiance would be happy without his family there - argh help!


  • I know you've said a wedding abroad is ruled out because you previously got married in the Carribean, but could you get married somewhere in Europe?

    Or could you have a small registry office wedding with literally immediately family only ie not you mum's partner, but then invite everyone to a reception afterwards so there would be lots of people to diffuse any awkwardness?

  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 712 New bride

    Could you have an engagement party and invite both and see how that goes.  I understand how hard it will be for your dad but he really needs to get over it for your sake as there will be possibly other occasions that will be difficult (christenings, children's parties etc). 

    The first one will be the hardest but at least it won't be your wedding day and hopefully he will feel more comfortable then?



  • Have you actually talked to your dad about this and asked him if he could cope with it for a few hours for your sake?

  • My mum and dad split after my dad had an affair. My dad married the lady in question and my mum still isn’t over it (15years down the line) but it was my wedding day and will be again and she dealt with it because she’s my mum and it was my day. In all honesty I never ever spoke to her about it. 

    Since my first wedding there’s been 2 naming ceremonies when they’ve had to be in the same room and they’ve managed. 

    Same will happen at my Wedding this time x

  • Aah thank you ladies :) 

    There are lots of potentially really good solutions above already. I am liking the idea of getting married in Europe, I am pretty sure my parents wouldn't come but would give their blessing for that. My fiance's family are always nipping off abroad so they would have the option to come with us if they wanted to. We could then have a reception at home after and the difficult ones can please themselves whether they go or not lol. 


  • Hi MrsH.2Be,

    Have you thought about Granada, in the South of Spain? It is a stunning city, there are direct flight to Granada Airport from the UK and lots of direct flights from all UK airports to Malaga, which is only an hours away from Granada. We have many locations here which are affordable, with stunning backdrops and even views to the famous Alhambra! You and your family would have a wonderful time and have such special memories. I am a wedding planner here, so happy to help in any way. Hopefully speak soon. Lucy x [email protected]

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,454 New bride

    The answer is to have the wedding you want, invite everyone, and your dad will have to grow a pair and man up for the day harsh as that may sound....maybe don't have a traditional top table so they are hosting different tables at the reception, they don't even need to speak. My parents never said a word to each other at my brother's wedding and more than likely won't at mine either - and my mum still holds a massive torch for my dad, despite the fact he's been married to someone else for 20 years.

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